h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What's the mating call of a brunette .... Is that darn blonde gone yet?
(Gotta make fun of myself)

All the blonde jokes I got are dirty too...hm...got one-

Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? .... because it said "concentrate".

Superb, I hadn't heard that one before.

Try this,
How does a blond turn off the light before sex?
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She closes the car door.

the jokes are getting great!!! just a short note here.....TowelMaster has a forum he is starting up for the sole purpose of posting jokes, i think that you all should pop over and post these for him, they are just what he is looking for and besides....so far i am the only one who has left one on it and i am getting quite lonely over there by myself, so won't you pop over and keep me company??
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what does a blonde and a turtle have in common????
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when they are on their backs they're screwed!!!!!!!!!1
monsy

What does a blonde say when told she is pregnant ....
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Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone ....
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divorced.

how do you get that special light to shine in your blondes eyes????
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put a flashlight to her/his ear!!!!!!!
monsy

How d'you know a blonde's been using your computer?
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The joy stick's all wet!

(I know it's old, but no one had said it, and i couldn't resist)

*rolling in floor laughing*

That's it. Now I just have to tell this one--

A blonde walks into a drug store to buy condoms, because being an aware 90's women, she practices safe sex. She walks over to the clerk and asks "How much is a box of condoms?"
Clerk: "three dollars, not counting the amount for tax."
Blonde: "So THAT'S how they keep it on!"

I feel foolish for not getting it.

I also feel guilty.
And inadequate.
And awkward.
Is it something to do with the fact that i'm fourteen?

No, actually it's good that you don't get it. I wouldn't want to pollute your young mind. That is all.

I would feel guilty and inadequate as well.

That's to mean if you did get it, not if I didn't.

Ya know. I think I'd start worrying, Madmunk. You get shot down and call in "the posse" for help. What do they do? Tell blond jokes! I must say, that's one H**L of a defence!

NM

OK NM....lets have a few *men* jokes instead shall we??
Men are like.....coffee:The best ones are rich,warm and can keep you up all night.
Men are like.....computers:Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like.....shag carpets:Soft,fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.
Men are like.....remote controls:Simple,easy to use and always lying around a TV.
Men are like.....old car tyres:Balding,full of hot air,and it never hurts to have a spare.

More on request!!
Shazz

WAY TO GO SHAZZ!!!!! you deserve a special basket of goodies just for you here catch .....
monsy
btw NM we are distracting saber up there so he cannot harm madmunks page or name in any way

Men are like.......new born babies:They're cute at first..but you soon get tired of picking up their cr*p.
Men are like.......coolers:load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like.......chocolate bars:Sweet,smooth and head straight for your hips.

Haha I love those! Yay for Shazz!!!

Men are like.....road kill:They usually lie around until they start to smell!
Men are like.....plungers:They spend most of their time in the hardware store..or the bathroom!
Men are like.....horoscopes:They always tell you what to do...and are usually wrong

Ya know...I think your stratagy just might work!

NM

In defence of the men,
Rules that everywoman should know.
1) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
3) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer yo don't want to hear.
4) Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5) Satruday = Sport. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
6) Shopping is not a sport.
7) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss topics such as navel fluff, football, beer and cars.
8) Anything you wear is fine. Really.
9) Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
10) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calender.
11) Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
12) Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes, what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
13) "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.
14) A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
15) Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
16) Anything said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
17) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
18) Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
19) You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both.
20) Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, neither do we.

I know they're not exactly new, but they're funny.