h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was going to do a one liner about eating gold and what quality it was 18 or 24... Lets get back to this pirate radio. It seems to be a goer!

Yes Vestboy Blackburn!!

*stars swirl around Vestboy and he is lifted gently into the air. A miraculous change takes place. His trousers widen at the bottom while his sideburns grow and his hair reaches down to his shoulders, in gently curling waves*
♪♫ Radio Y.F.R.O.N.T. ♪♫
*Leaning towards the mike he caresses it and speaks as if he is talking to someone near and dear to his heart*
Can you hear me pop pickers. We have a brand new show and the stars are YOU the Y.F.R.O.N.T. fans. I think I have a caller on line 1. Tell us what's your name and are you game?
♪♫ Radio Y.F.R.O.N.T. ♪♫

*shakes phone receiver and stares at it blankly for a few moments*
Hello? Hello? Is that Radio Y.F.R.O.N.T ?
*covers the mouthpiece with his hand*
Cap'n Hook sir ! I think the ship to shore to ship line is acting up again

You're live on the air on
♪♫ Radio Y.F.R.O.N.T. ♪♫
Now give us your name and tell us if your game.

Don't be shy now, we don't bite... much. Har, har! Boom-boom!

Um...Yes Sir - my name's Oliver, sir, and Please, sir, can I have some.........oops, wrong script.

*ruffling paper sound*

*sings* The sun will come out.........not that one either. *throws scripts over the side of the boat*

The names Jim Lad and I'm gamey, or at least my leg is.

Well hello Jim Lad. That's the sort of name that should have a parrot attached to it.
Now to win a £squillion all you have to do is
♪♫ Radio Y.F.R.O.N.T. ♪♫
"Name that tune!"
I'll play you the opening notes of a famous tune and if you can tell me thae name of the tune and answer one other questoin associated with the tune you will win
♪♫ Radio Y.F.R.O.N.T. ♪♫
A £squillion

I hope You're ready Jim Lad 'cos she's coming right at you

♪♫♪♫♫

tick...tock...tick...tock

The clock's running Jim Lad and I've gotta take your first answer!

Blimey, that's an easy one... don't tell me he doesn't know the answer!

Errr - ummm - ummmm
Something about 16 men and a chest
Errr - don't rush me - errrrrrrrr

I've got it - I've got it - Madonna - Breathless.

Is that your final answer?














Are you sure?
















You can phone a friend?














Or ask the audience.















Nope I'm only joking. You're RIGHT!
♪♫ Radio Y.F.R.O.N.T. ♪♫

Now all you have to do is answer the following question within th enext ten seconds.

Name all of Madonna's lovers - ever.

Your time starts NOW

Tick 10... tock 9...

I'm sorry, but I can't remember the names of all of the players of the Cubs, so I'll have to pass.

Who needs the 1 squillion pounds anyway when I've got Pieces of Eight !!!!!

Pieces of eight? Pieces of eight what?

It's a new sort of after dinner mint isn't it.
I'll have some of those - and to be honest I'd spent most of the £squillion so I was hoping you wouldn't win as it would lead to embarassing court cases and the like.

*tinkling musical sound as Pirate radio dissolves into proper pirate ship. Everyone is leaning over the side with telescopes staring in the same direction.*

Say that Again Jim Lad. Where did 'ee get they pieces of eight? Oo-arrr

And I thought Captin Sid had a vivid imagination!!!!!

Well done that man!

Kept me captivated for the next installment!!

Ever though of Am Dram Script Writing?

<>
Cheek - this deserves professional circulation. Maybe someone should enter it for the BBC Talent thingy.

Well, I got the entire Eight when I was just a wee lad, and my previous Cap'n (you may have heard of him - Hook) broke it when he caught me playing with it in the crows nest, so now all I have are pieces.

I've been sailing the Seven Seas ever since, waiting for some bright spark to invent super-glue.

Aaaaaarr. Ah-haaaar-haaaaar. Haaaar. *coughs violently* That's got it. So, if you stick the pieces of eight back together, they form a figure eight?

That's about it, but I'm not sure if I've still got all the pieces - The other day my parrot made some suspiciously strange choking noises after he'd been playing with them.

D'ye think he eight one?

I think he eight one two.