h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah, the best way of washing down the blubber of a cute seal pup that you've just murdered is a cup of tea.

And speaking of tea, it's time I had a cuppa.

Sounds delicious Jack.

Something to ponder: do you reckon animals ever think why they have to make do with raw meat whilst we get ours to be cooked? I reckon they feel the creator is just as cruel as we do.

But is eating raw meat making do Mac?

I would prefer a very raw steak rather than one that is either medium, well done or burnt to a cinder

Why bother eating meat if its charcoal

Anyway cuppa tea sounds good to me - and I have just seen someone fill it up

PSD, you've eliminated pretty much all the possiblities for meat eating so do you actually eat it raw?

And cooked meat is much better, I'm sure animals would agree. They wouldn't have to waste their energy hunting, either.

Morning PSD.

I prefer rare meat too. Wipe its arse and put it on a plate. That's my motto.

Mac, maybe polar bears do consider themselves hard done by compared to us but they're still lording it over seals so it's not all bad.

Although they probably would wonder occasionally what a cooked seal pup tastes like.

They've got to eat seals raw Jack otherwise they'd be a bit knackered. Even if you do like it wiped and put on the plate, you're eating it with a knife and fork so it's inherently less messy than sticking your paws and mouth right in to it. And you've got the problem of other Polar Bears coming round and stealing your kill.

You don't have that happen. Well, I don't anyway.

That's what seperates us from the animals, Mac.

We don't go around to someone else's house at dinner time and take the food of their plate like a big bully.

Well, hardly ever anyway.

I might do if I knew they were having chicken.

Well, yeah. As long as there's a good reason. And chicken is a good reason.

Right?

Exactly, Jack. Exactly.

Speaking of chicken, it's nearly lunchtime.

And I'm thinking of chicken for the second day in a row.

That's a daring choice Jack. Same style two days in a row too?

Might go for something different, Mac.

Yesterday's chicken was a success but I rarely have the same thing two days in a row.

You want to keep it special.

Exactly, Mac.

Anyway, in the end I went for a chicken and bacon caesar wrap.

Who doesn't love both chicken and bacon?

Only a madman, I would suggest.

And I'm giving today's lunch 8 out of 10.

Sickos Jack, only sickos.

Vegetarians.

Caesar wraps are great.

8/10 eh? Might be worth having it more often Jack. At least you can't get rogue tomatoes in that.

It's another option, Mac.

The classic will always be the classic. Any changes and it isn't a classic. In fact any changes and the person who makes those changes is a nutcase.

But with a chicken-based snack there's any number of acceptable forms it can take.

True, chicken is very versatile. It's probably why I can get away with having it so often.

Realistically if it was up to me, I would have chicken twice a day every day apart from the days when I have a classic on which my chicken intake is reduced to one.

It's not always up to me of course as Mrs White is head chef but I don't go short chicken-wise.

Too right, you can't deny a man his chicken. It's like denying him football.