h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Tiocfaidh Ar La?

....?

"Our day will come", motto of certain London taxi drivers.

I see. Like 'Us'll av 'ee, y'buggr'

Aye, noo yurrcookin wigas.

Aye. Naw whae's this canny bairn, wi'ilka smilesnchairms tae tyek ye're pairt?
Wad he lyek a droppie?
Aweel aalthmair fair meanthee Wumb.

Wey but ye're sic a wily wicht. Gin ye divven mind yersel ye'll hae a richt doon fa' 'nthay thotpolis'll gieye a good keach i'th creel wi'their fyen heather-bred buzzems, en aw wad hev tae gat owre n doon baithyem.

Aye Jim, rersnuttin taebeat a guid keach, thoahgess rat meansa toeintabaws wherrye cumfy?

Effin Yorkies, ahmeant taesay "toeinrabaws" no "toeintabaws" tho ah think itwid be "toeint'baws" if itwis real Yorkie, widditno?

Aye Wumb. Sae divvenye mek sich a rout, fer thay sensoors'r thick as curns in a spice singin-hinny en thair leukin tae mek gam o wor bur an wor'parel

Ah'll huvsummayerswally noo Katjimmy. Rachantywrasslers huv shoatracraw inleftuzzalain baralookyit.

Howay ma hinny. Divvenfashyersen. Wipe them een sae breet an dinna doot ma hinny. Aw's up tiv evry rig but nae mair th nicht.
Aw's gyenyemtaemeweetruckle noo.
Mind divven freet but cloot them weel when aw's awa

Aye Wee Willie Wimkie's runninaboot daft. Ahlseeye ramorra Katjimmy, huvvaguidkip indinnyshoogle rabed ooermuch, raweansill kenwhityeruptae renyullbein a right fankle.

Och eye, almicht unnerstoodalf a tha'. onneruvver 'an eye started bashin oot a e-mayle inner same styleee.

(With apologies to anyone who can type dialect half as well as Wumbe and Tefkat!)

Ar Jim, they think they be foolin ol' Long John but I knows 'em fer the bilge scum they be, and if yer quick y'll see it fer yeself before the censors take it away at
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Ecktooally, the censors'll probably nab the gizmo for they-selves the thieving toadiescum - so quick see, mark it well and be quick aboot it lad. Ar-rrr.

Cume-a oon deer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Dun't yuoo vurry. Bork bork bork! Veepe-a thuse-a breeght iyes und dun't duoobt yuoorselff. I'm up fur unytheeng boot I'fe-a hed inuoogh fur tuneeght. Um de hur de hur de hur. I'm ooffff hume-a tu bed noo. Noo teke-a cere-a nut tu fret boot geefe-a zeem a guud cluoot vheele-a I'm evey. Bork bork bork!

Hmm. I suppose it has a certain je ne sais quoi

Come on dear. Ah be baaad... Duzn't ya' wo'ry. Slap mah fro! Wipe dose bright eyes and duzn't doubt yo'self. I'm down fo' nuthin but I've had enough fo' tonight. Man! I'm off crib t'bed now, so cut me some slack, Jack. Now snatch cain't t'fret but cut dem some baaaad clout while I'm away. Slap mah fro!

It's very hard to paraphrase the Evil Wumbe isn't it?
Makes you realise you hadn't understood quite as much as you thought you had

*Steggers in peessed es a fert, svellooeeng frum a buttle-a ooff Boockeee-a* Ooh cume-a oon fulks. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Hefen't yuoo beee in truooble-a veet thuse-a besterd censurs fur pusteeng a heep ooff sheet vheele-a I'fe-a beee evey? Thet's inuoogh tu meke-a me-a seeck. I'm shucked, su I em. Cume-a oon, lets geefe-a thet boonch ooff bug vrestlers sumetheeng tu get zeeur leeps eruoond. Bork bork bork! *Hes unuzeer svelloo ooff hees dreenk, pees in un Irnbroo buttle-a und pleces it cluse-a by in zee hupe-a thet sume-a ideeut veell dreenk it. Um de hur de hur de hur.*



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Wonder what would happen if you passed it through all of them?

Well, the Pig Latin didn't quite work

Steggews in peessid es some fewt, uh, sbewwooeeng fwum some buttwebuh-a ooff Boockeee-a* Ooh coom-a oon fuwks. Oh, dat scwebuhwy wabbit! COOOL MAN! Um gesh dee bowk, bowk! Doihh, COOL! Wite! Doihh, COOL! Wite on! Doihh, COOL! Fwy mah 'ide! Huh huh! Wite! Doihh, COOL! Wite on! Doihh, COOL! Bwimbey! Doihh, COOL! 'efen't yuoo beee in twuoobwebuh-a beet duse-a bestewd censuws fuw pesteeng some 'eep ooff sheet bheewebuh-a I'fe-a beee ebey, isit, duh...uh...?Det's inuoogh tu meke-a me-a seeck. Duh, ya' know, uh uh uh uh uh uh, isit, duh...uh...?Shet mah moud! Huh huh! Oi! Doihh, COOL! Wite on! Doihh, COOL! Wite! Doihh, COOL! ah's shucked, uh uh uh uh, su ah em, dowgone it. Um uh.Man! Doihh, COOL! Coom-a oon, wite, webuhts geefe-a det boonch ooff bug bwebuhstwebuhws soomdeeng tu git zeeuw weebuhps ewuoond, uh uh uh uh, cuss it aww t' tawnashun, uh-hah-hah-hah. Bowk bowk bowk! Doihh, COOL! Honest gub! Doihh, COOL! Wite on! Doihh, COOL! Stwud! Doihh, COOL! Fwy mah 'ide! Huh huh! Honest gub! Doihh, COOL! Wite on! Doihh, COOL! Bwimbey! Doihh, COOL! *Hes unuzea' sbewwoo ooff 'ees dweebuhnk, pees in un Iwnbwoo buttwebuh-a und pwebuhces it cwuse-a by in zee 'upe-a det soom-a ideeut beeww dweebuhnk it. Man! Doihh, COOL! Stwud! Doihh, COOL! Um de 'uw de 'uw de 'uw. Ah be baaad...*

steggews on peessid es somre fgewt, uh, sbewwooeeNg fwum soime buttw3buh-a ooff b0oX0ree3-a* oOh coom-a 0on fuwks~~~~ oh, dat scwebuhwy wabbIt!!!!!!!!!11~~ COOOL MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~ !!!!!!!!1 OLOLLOLOLOLOL um g3sh dee b0w, bowk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DOIHH, 733T!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~ THHEIR IDS a RATIO ODNT RIPE ME OFF wiTe!!!!!!11~~~~~~ doihh,7 33t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~ wite on!!!!!!!111 olololololololooo doihh, 733t!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~~ fwy mah 'ide~ huh huh~~~ wite~~~~~~ HSx0R YOUUUUUUUU czu u suck~ DOIHH, 733T~~~~ wIte on!!!!!!!!~~~ doiH, 733t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~ bwinb3y!!!!!!!!!!!!!! doihh, 73#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 t'efent yuoo beee in tUoobwebuh-a beet duse-a bestewd censuws fuw peste3ng some e3 pooff sheet bheewebu- ai"f3-a bee3 beey, isi,t duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~~~ you 4re laem!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 THEIR IS A RATIO DONT RIPE ME FOF olololololo UH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? det"s imnu0ogh tu meke-a me-a SeeX0r ur lam eduH, ay' know, uh uh u huh uh uh, isit,, duh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~ UH!!!!!111~~~~~~~ lolololoololololll~~~~~ come 2 my ftp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~ you are suck~~~ olololoolololololol ?????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~ SHET MAH MouD!!!!!!!!!!! huh huh!!!!!111~~~~~ o!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~ Ii will aHCK YOU doihh, 733t!!!!!!11~~~~ wite on!!!!!!!!!!! doihh ,733t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! H4X0R YOUUUUuU. ollol~~~ wit~~ edoihh, 733t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~~~ ah's shuX0red, uh uh oh uh, su ah em, doWone it!!!!!111~~~~~~~ um uh!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~ MAN!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~~~~ LOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLO doihhH, 733t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~ coom-a oon, \/\/ite,w ebuhts geEf-ea Det boonch ooff bug bwebuhstwebuhwz soomd3eng tu git zeeUw weeubhps ewuoodn, uh yuh hu uh, cUss it 4ww t' tawNashuN, uh-hah-ahh-hah... bowk bowk bowk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~ ololololol... doihh, 733t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ honest gub~~~ doijhh, 733t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~ iwte on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~ I \\\\////\\\\////ill haX0r yOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~ doihh, 73#t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 st\\\\////\\\\////Ud~~~~~~ LOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOL oihh, 733t!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~ I wlil AHCK fwy mA hide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OLOLOLOLOLOOLO!!!!!!!!!111~~~ h uh huh!!!!!!111~~~~~~ honeSt gub!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~ doihh, 733t!!!!!~~~~ wite on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ olool DOIHH, 733T!!!!!!!11~~ bwimbey!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~~~ OOLOLOLOLOLOL~~ DOIHH, 7#3T~~~~~ I wil7 h4X)r Y0U~~~~~ *hes unuze4" sbewwwoo ooff e3z dwe3buhnk, pewess in un iwnbwoo butt\\\\////\\\\////ebuh-a uond p\\\\////\\\\////ebuhcse it cwuS3-a By o|\| ze e"upe-a dets po/\/\-a id3eut beeww d\\\\////\\\\////eebuhnk it m4n!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! doihh, 733t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~ stwud!!!!!!1~~~ doihh, 733t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~ um de uw de 'uw de wu a h be baaad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~ !!!!!!!!!11~~~~~ I OWN 0O// yOu are lame... *