h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ah, this forum is quite short compared to some that I know of.

The only result is that I've turned green.

Isn't it fun being green?

Mew, let's go work on what the number really is. [Goes off with Mew into a corner, holding an Improbability Calculator]

Feeds Monsy a brownie. How's that? I've adapted your recipe. Hope you don't mind.

[starts singing "It's not easy being green" by Kermit the Frog, then breaks off abruptly on the word "the"] Actually it is.

[Mewtwo and Mew are working out improbability figures]

... divide pi by the square root of ice cream -- no, goddammit, the square root of fairy cake, ...

[He breaks off as a dapper gentleman with goat legs wearing a tuxedo appears in a cloud of fire and smoke, visible only to him and Mew.]

And just who are you?

[The man says, "Call me Mephistopholes.]

Oh. Hi. What do you want?

["Nothing less than your soul, Mewtwo. I imagine it's quite full and pure, except for that unpleasantness with Ash Ketchum?"]

Thanks for reminding me: now I'm glad I don't have my psychic powers. So what's the deal?

["The deal is simple," says Mephistopholes. "You ask me three questions, and then ask me to perform a task. If I am unable to perform it, You get to keep your soul. If I can, however, perform the task, I get your soul, whereupon you will be reduced in intelligence to that of a vegetable."]

Great. Why now?

["You summoned me here." Abruptly the words: "...square root of ice cream -- no, goddammit, the ..." become briefly audible. "And the other two questions?"]

That wasn't one of them!

["Sorry. We're playing by MY rules here."]

Okay. Okay. Second question: is there anything you cannot create or alter?

["No," says Mefistopholes. "I can create something out of nothing, and I can create nothing out of something. Once I even changed the speed of light -- though briefly. Third question?"]

Hmph. Okay: is there any place, in space, time, or any form of space or time or --

["I get the idea. What's the question?"]

I'm asking questions. Is there any form of "place" from where, if you were to go there, you could not find your way back?

["Of course not. I can move freely through time and space with a thought. What is the task you would have me perform?"]

Get lost.

["Oh, well," says Mefistopholes. "It was fun while it lasted." He explodes. Mewtwo turns to Mew.]

Now, what was I saying?

I think your words were *lost* in the mists of time! Now...this lime green is getting on my nerves...and my urmmm...well...anyone got a milk churn?
shazzPRME

How's the brownie going Shazz?

*Smiles* Well...I appear to be almost back to normal...apart from this
rather fetching shade of green...but what shall I do with all these pails of milk which seem to have appeared? Tea anyone?
shazzPRME

On second thoughts...if we put Monsy into one of the pails, she could swim about a bit and make us some nice butter...or cheese ...and Nonnie could help with her tail
shazzPRME

*huff puff, wheeeeeeeeeez*

Oh, I was looking forward to a milkshake!

*runs back out*

And so you shall Sporky...there are plenty of buckets of milk!
shazzPRME

*begins chewing frantically on the brownie which has been so kindly given to her*
must return to normal before Shazz dumps me into that milk pail.....
*chews and swallows faster as Shazz begins walking towards her with an evil gleem in her eye*
monsy

[Telepathic voice booms through everyone's minds] }THOU SHALT NOT IRRITATE MONSY!{

[Heads turn to YK, who is glowing and holding a staff with a glowing crystal ball at one end.]

}I AM THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE! BEHOLD, THE STORM!{
[He lowers the staff and clouds gather.]

}BEHOLD, THE RAIN!{
[He swings the staff around and it starts raining cats and dogs.]

}BEHOLD, THE LIGHTNING!{
[He raises the staff above everyone's heads and gets struck by lightning.]

}I did that in another forum, didn't I?{

Did you?

Very impressive YK...but it won't save Monsy from the milk pail!!
shazzPRME

HHHEEEELLPPPPP!!!!!
monsy

[YK throws lightning bolts in all general directions except where they would be useful. Monsy abruptly turns into a mermaid who is much too big to fit in the milk pail. A psychic link between Mewtwo and Mew starts up.]

}Did that help?{

[raises hand] It helped us! Now, log E to the base of yipes ...

put small plug in small receptacle
put dangly bit in tea
start generator




'Nonnie