h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh yes, I would like to be known as The Brown Weevil.
Thannnnkyu.

"I want to be in the Church of the True Weevil"

May I be the True Weevil? Or is that off limits?

If not, may I be the Ultimate Weevil?

cheers,
Rob

Hmm..you don't look much like a weevil to me...especially not a True Weevil....

In that case, can I be "the Untrue Imposter Weevil"?

I'm not really the guy in charge of adding new members, but I think we have an old Weevil costume in the back you could wear for such a position.

Indeed, you could wear it in any position you bloody well want to, but I would advise you not to impersonate an Armageddon Dome Weevil.

OK I'll bite: Why not?

Because (I am making this up on the spur of the moment, you understand - like 95% of all statistics):
One of its legs is both the same.
Nine out of ten weevil owners who ventured an opinion said that it was a crap idea.
Peter Mandelson likes them.
Nomura won't by it.

OK, rightio then. I'll try to avoid impersonating an Armageddon Dome Weevil - I need Peter's friendship...

I always though it was the fact that, true to their name, they tend to cause the death of those near them. Of course, this doesn't stop our worship of them, it just means we worship from afar.

Of course to other Weevils the Armageddon Dome Weevil merely hastens their transition to a state of sublime undeadness.

"I want to be in the church of the true Weevil"
Weevils everywhere rejoyce for i am here to help you follow the true path to corn-syrupdom! For i wish to be known as "His holiness the Weevil lahma"

Sorry chaps. Nick, the Grand High Weevilmeister, is obviously indisposed at the moment. Missing in action somewhere over the Atlantic. Do not despair - I am sure that he will return shortly to update the holy pages and legitimise your devotion to weevils.

By the weevil's slavering fangs! Where have I been?! Oh, work has indeed taken its toll.

Frightfully sorry for being away for so long (good lord, has it really been an entire month?).

Welcome to the Church of the True Weevil, Achmed the Brown, Almighty Rob and Cayto. Hope you enjoy the lunacy that we all cherish so very much.

Cayto, I made the assumption that you meant "Lama" when you said "Lahma". If you meant "Llama", then you'll certainly fit right in here at the church. Let me know if I got it right or not.

Again, sorry for the prolonged absence. I was, uh..., not playing Diablo II with my tiny fragments of remaining spare time or anything.

I want to be in the Church of the True Weevil
As it appears to be quite surreal. Do I have to change my name?

That depends upon whether your name is 'fluorescent' or 'I hate weevils'. If it is the latter you should probably change it, otherwise Nick, our recently reincarnated Grand High Weevilmeister, may take exception. It is customary to choose a suitable title as well. Look at the church page for inspirational material - but only if you damn well want to.

Please, do not incriminate me before I have even begun here! I am in awe of weevils. Their intricate exoskeletons, their multiple pairs of legs. I merely inquire what the etiquette of your church is and I shall therefore take all necessary steps to abide by it. My willingness to succumb to anything surreal cannot be doubted.

I do apologise. After having actually read the information beyond the part telling me how to join, I actually understand what I am meant to do. May I be known, therefore as The Weevil's lady in waiting. Thank you.

There was the tiniest glimmer there of taking a message seriously.
The whole point of surrealism is that it has multiple interpretations any or all of which may be meaningless. In my case please regard all postings as the latter - unless you wish to do otherwise. May your Japanese Purring weevils vibrate excitedly.

Welcome to the church, flourescent. I do hope you enjoy crazy antics that we get up to here. Remember, weevils just want to be your friend.