h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, I don't know. I'm quite keen on a spot of grimpulsnarking.

*schlurpymunch*

Crunchy tea? New recipe?

Wotcher! Noo recipe, innit! See there, tha's yer wa'er, see there, tha's yer teabag, see there, tha's yer little bits of crumbs and eggshell and dried-up fried eggs 'n' stuff, bung it all in the cup, lubbly jubbly, bob's yer uncle, gerrrrrrtcha!

Everything stopped working then

Oh tea! What a lovely surprise *schlurp* Thankee

You'll do yourself no good. You might pull something and have curly hair and bulbous eyes pop out.

Sure, anything you say.

*looks around*

What's she nabbed this time?

Oo!

I can feel my tongue swelling up though That's a sure sign of impending chefdom

I could always try some other chefs...

*&$%£ *&^(*& Red mullet and sauce...



(You can guess that one)

Oo...

Now, many people think of a cup of tea as a rather dull affair, but it doesn't have to be, if you're prepared to be a little bit naughty *cheeky eyebrow at camera* So, instead of ordinary milk in the tea, why not try some condensed milk instead? All you have to do... oo, it's gone all drippy *giggle* 'scuse me *licky* there we go, oo *caresses teacup for a bit* oo no, more drips *licky* Mmmmmm...

That's very good. Practice Nigella often? Is that why there's an abundance of jelly?

He isn't really married, y'know? It's all CGI when you see them together in photies. Jules is him in a frock. No children either. He roasts a couple of joints of pork, moulds them into the shape of children and then dresses them up. You shouldn't mock him really.

A trip to the kitchen without a spot of Nigella rehearsal is a wasted opportunity

Isn't that all the more reason to mock him? Dressing up as his own imaginary wife, or, doubtless, 'missus' and then fashioning children out of pork? Mock on!

Kiddy Twizzlers!!

Completely right. Don't know what I was thinking of. Mock on!

Oo! Did you see Sleb Millionaire last night? It was Jessica Stephenson (although she's using a different name now) and Stephen Mangan.

And Chris Tarrant didn't call him donkey boy

Somebody needs to buy him an atlas though

Did you see that documentary about him too?

I thought the collection of preserved antique pork children was rather impressive. If only he'd tie them all together and pull them all onto the bus with him.

Missed her.

Think I tuned in just after she'd gone off.

Guyball questions?

Documentary? I saw he had a big puff piece in the Guardian yesterday but I didn't read it all because it was actually a bit... dull

No Guyball questions Should have been really...

>>I didn't read it all<<

You read some of it? Thought you loathed him. Was it a search for ammo?

Ah. Think I got my wires crossed there The thing in the Guardian was about Stephen Mangan.

I would *never* read a puff piece on Oliver

Not even a puff pastry piece.

Of course not. You'd scoff it.



Bedumbletime.

Night night yooses tooses.

I'd cook it! That's what I'd do!

And make vol au vents

Night night