h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*pritt*

Oi! Thief!





*hides Trin's telly behind back*

Is he still asleep?

Must have been one hell of a crisp packet ironing session.

I found this jacket, it was hanging up surrounded by candles in the wind, and pictures of Elton.

*gasp*

...the jacket...



*touches jacket*

*faints*

Are you sure it's 'The Jacket', only, it's got Trin's name sewn into the collar, and there's a pair of mittens on elastic running through the sleeves?

Lots of sneezes on it though.

*sniffs jacket*

Hmmm, it smells like Gaultier potpourri.



The smell must have rubbed of onto it when Elton pinched it.

*salutes picture of Elton*

Scamps!



"Dear The Queen,

"I am afraid I must decline your most gracious offer of becoming Queen, because I am loyal to only one monarch and it is to him I have plothed my flanty allegiance.

"Could I ask a favour though? I have recently been subjected to a crime spree. I'm not saying that the profoundly guilty Footie and Mrs B should not be given a fair trial, but could you arrange it for me, Jim the Queen sir maam, to have two beefeaters hold them upside down and shake them till my house and things fall out of their pockets?

"In return I will certainly let you touch my jacket.

"Yours,

"Trin"

*Bentley pulls up next to the hole in the ground*

Certainly, my good sir.

Jeeves? Fetch the beefeaters at once!

I beg your pardon?

In Kent? For what purpose in Kent?

I didn't know that the Queen was Yoda.

Well take away their Dukeship at once and bring them here. They have shaking duties to uphold.

Did you perchance mention a jacket?

I certainly did, yer maamness! I'll just go and get it



It's gone!

Der der der!

Elton ...

First he steals my title and now he's stolen my chance to touch the jacket.

Whatchagonnado Maaam?

You could strip him of his sirdom.

You could have him hung drawn and quartered come to that.

You could confiscate his big shoes!

Hmm...?

Yes, I could... I could indeed.

*Steps back into Bentley*

Or I could return to my palace posthaste. There is cake to be eaten and Jeevid has purchased a feather boa which looks simply delightful with my crown.

*Bentley screeches away*

Do you think that there's a remote possibility of...

Nah!

Can't be!

Hmmm.

Do you think the Queen *is* Elton?

*Bentley screeches around the corner*

*jacket sleeve flails out of the car window*

Elton's pinched your jacket again!

Whuuuuu ....





After her!



That Bentley's quite fast

Which is why I secreted a teeny tiny flantsmitter behind one of the jacket buttons

*click*

*beep*

Yes! It works!

There's definitely a small flantsmitter transmitting from the jacket.

Hmmmm...

Don't know where it is though.

Zee beep eez sounding at a high rate which I believe means zat vee are very very close to zee jacket location.

Zee beep eez also having a high peetch, zis brings me to zee conclusion zat eet eez in a confined area.

*beep*

*beep*



*reaches into Trin's shirt pocket*

Ah. I have also been attaching zee teeny tiny flantsmitters to your ironed crisps packeets.

Phew. Well at least we know where those are

But the jacket I'm so disappointed in The Elton Queen Jimmy John'll Fix It. I was going to ask if she wanted to watch Lost with us, all together on the ...

*nosofa*

And maybe eat some ...

*nofridge*

Well, at least we could have watched Lost on the ...

*notv*



She's fenced it, hasn't she? Mrs B has sold all my things off the back of a lorry.

Well, yes, yes I did. But you'll be so happy when you find out what I got for all your stuff.

Look

http://www.otherlandtoys.co.uk/images/magicbean800.jpg

You sold Daisy *as well*!!!???

Oo ... ooo ... ooo, there'd better be some gooseygoldeneggy good news coming up here