h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

But...but..I was assured in the discount retail fashion outlet by that lovely assistant that it was positively de rigueur street fashion.


Oh!

This wouldn't be one of those high street discount retail fashion outlets that actually goes quite easy on the discount retail fashion but certainly sells a *lot* of stamps, would it?

And kettles. Always with the kettles.

Maybe! Right I'm taking it back for a refund tomorrow. Shame, it was so comfortable and matched my eyes.

She's the devil!

I not tell you before?

I would have thought the pointy ears and hoofs were a bit of a giveaway mind.

Oh that's right...judge me!

What? You're the source of all evil ... but, hey, hang loose, live and let live?

We're not minions, you know!

Honestly..you spread a bit of pestilence, war, famine and death...and *suddenly* everyone's a critic!

I'm so misunderstood

I'd never consider either of you onions

Look *rolls eyes* we all know how this goes: it starts with 'Hey, I was only having a bit of fun, can't a guy cut loose every once in a while?' and then it's flowers and the odd meal out and 'Carmina Burana' on the stereo and casual promises of worldly power ...

And before you know where you are, your head's spinning through 360 degrees and there's pea-soup everywhere!

(Or worse! - I am *not* bearing anyone's spawn, get me?)

Like I say - save it for the minions, horned one!

Woah, woah, woah! Easy tiger and don't be going flattering yourself...any spawn bearing getting done around here and I'll be the one doing the choosing, and yeah, take the pi$$ out of my horns while you're at it why don't you. It's what all the kids in the playground used to do,*sniff* at Dark Lord Comprehensive.

I thought we'd built something here, something special, I thought you guys saw the 'real' me...but no, you just jumped to allsorts of conclusions and just because I made a few teensy, weensy mistakes over the last coupla thousand years...well fine. Be like that. Just don't blame me when the guy upstairs starts a'smiting all you sinners, don't come running to me for somewhere warm to hide...it could have all been so different.



( From postbox to Devil incarnate in a few short posts)

I wasn't taking the pi$$ out of your horns and I'm sorry if you saw it that way. I wouldn't do that. I respect your right to be differently moral. Who am I to judge? I mean it's all very well for me to believe that gazillions of sufferers in the eternal fire is a bit ... 'over the top', perhaps; but I certainly wouldn't want to impose my world-view on someone like yourself who, I see now, has been raised in a different, more vibrant, more colourful, more evil set of cultural circumstances and certainly isn't *personally* responsible for all the millennia of suffering for which you are directly to blame.



Footie - you know those seven ornately-carved daggers we've been using for the veg? Where are they?

I don't want to be the devil anymore. I'm going to have to sleep with the light on now.

You had them for the apple

*Points*

The devil sleeps with a night light on, ha ha!

I'm only kidding. I know you're not the devil

Now get back to the end of the road and start accepting some goddam letters!

Apple? Is it to stuff in the Grunty Pigs mouth when you put them on the spitroast?


I once read a book, think it was supposed to be for priests only, but fanatic devout relation got hold of it and then passed it onto my mum. It was about this woman who was supposedly possessed, stigmata, fights with the devil....rang my mum at 4 in the morning to come over cos I got so scared.

No one spitroasts my Grunty Pigs!

You couldn't sleep, it was almost dawn and you needed something to relax you. So you chose a book about a possessed woman?

No wonder you have trouble sleeping.