h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

N'aawww fanks

Cable Doofer = Cable broadband Doodah connection as opposed to tefelome interweb connection.

Ordered this'un http://www.littlewoods.com/rf/navigation/product.do?categoryId=6853924&productPos=0&catno=PH27213&groupId=413970532

No it's not! Want non wireyness and want it now!

Was just about to go and ask Croz about those pluggy in things I asked you about earlier this year, think he'll mind getting hassled about puter stuff?

I know diddly squat about cable doofers.

How do they work? It plugs into a USB port and then it goes where?

Sit down and eat biccies 'til you get non wireyness.

He's your best bet for an answer that makes sense and will help.

Sorry. I'm rubbish.

Me neither, it all seems so horribly complicated

Er, dunno, see above

Been eating biccies all day and nothing's happened.

You're not rubbishMental, but not rubbish.

Gonna go pester Croz

How be ye by the boo? What for hast thou been doingsteth?

Tossing it off!

Couldn't be buggered all day so I've just been playing. I stared intently at my bosses head, ate three packets of crisps one after the other, threw papers in the air as if it was money, let a sales person read off of a piece of paper for 10 minutes nonstop while friend pulled faces to make me laugh and then told him I wasn't interested. Then me and boss pretended to be meerkats, did Kath and Kim impressions for a bit and ended the afternoon with impressions of a shop assistant.

Funfunfun.

I beg your pardon?

Well surely they can't expect you to get up early in the morning, travel all the way there and actually expect you to work
Does sound like you have a real hoot at work when it's not being rubbishly stressy.

I have been eating biscuits, ah, already told you that...uummm, ooh, got furballed on by the cat earlier. That was fun

Purveyor of filth!

There were rubbish people on the bus playing speedgaragedancejazzfunk on their mobile phones loudly on the way home. I'm gonna get a trilby, a mucky coat and grow a beard so I can be grumpy to them next time.

Had she had anything tasty to eat?

Has Croz replied yet? Go and poke him.

Fnur! *rubs knees*

I hate those rubbish people. There's usually a half dozen or more of them playing all their various Gonna shank you big style cuz, Ooh bebe you my ho, Let's dis da Fuzz, Innit tho type stuff at the same time. It drives me mental, but they're all to scary, so I just keep quiet and tut inaudibly like everyone else.

*inspects trouser leg*

There's definitely biskwee de chat residue and *sniff* the non too faint aroma of last nights Coley

Shan't poke him, he might be trying to ignore me and hope I go away

Phwoar. Ooh aye, missus.

And pretend they aren't really there too. Like you do with monsters under the bed, only they don't have thongs hanging out, cider dribbling down their chins and exploded faces.

Those people are scarier than monsters under the bed.

Could you send me your trousers?

I wouldn't be surprised. You have caused an awful stench over on his PS.

Teatimeteatime.

I generally try to look aout 3' taller and ver' ver' hard in a non threatening please don't hit me wussy oompa kinda way

I was thinking of popping them in a casserole with yesterdays toast and jams and toothpaste splattered jimjams, so I'll send some up to you in a tupperware

I saved my extra special smells for him

Ta ta the noo

AAAACCHHOOOOOOOO!!*Splat*

Tuna pasta with sneezies for lunch?

No?



Bogie fajita?

Alright! Alright!

Poo Trews cassoulet it is

*waits*

*fingerdippylicky*

Almost.



*fingerdippylicky*

Perfect! Old poo trew cassouwotsit!

Oh it always tastes best the day after anyway, also gives it time to get that nice crunchy film set on the top

Pah! You wimp! See through your ugly food fantasies.

It's been left on the windowsil. Poo trew sweat.

There really isn't anything that grosses you out is there?

Oh, plenty of stuff.

Dusty cups make me heave. And a shoe soaked in petroleum jelly is ... actually, that sounds quite tasty.

http://www.focusgallery.nl/Justin_Quinell/Brushing_my_teeth_with_a_dead_spider

Mmmmm. Minty spider.

I'm struggling to think of instances where you'd have petroleum jelly soaked shoes and for why?

I suppose all those little spidey legs would help get all the inbetweeny bits of food out of your teeth



I once dressed up as a tumour for a bad taste party years n' yonks ago. Dyed loads of little cauliflower florets red and stitched them onto a swimming cap

It's for on those days when there's nothing in the fridge and experiments occur.

That's horrible. Cauliflower, eurgh.

Ofcourse

Curiously enough, not that many at the party approved...frankly, I found their lack of imagination in dressing up in their nan's polyester dresses much more disturbingNo likey cauliflower sneeze?