h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The latter, Leggy, the latter, although I hope you don't look like David Brent. That would shatter my illusions so cruelly...

"I'm not just a boss - I'm an all-round entertainer.."


Good, isn't it? Even though I obviously look nothing like him

Phew! As long as you don't look like Gareth, either...

Actually, if the light and angles are right, I do look a little bit like him, hair and all.

Gareth does have nice hair, but otherwise not a patch on Joaquim I'm afraid. And he needs to eat a lot more Lard!

I had a look at this Phoenix fellow and I wasn't massively impressed, Leggy. He needs a good slap-up meal, I think.

I will concede that he has rather weedy legs - which is probably why they only appeared bare in one shot in the entire film. But he is no where near as skinny as Gareth!

Yep, but who needs chunky thighs cluttering up the bedroom?

Still raining...

Well, as long as they're strong enough to support a nice, firm, bottom..... oh my goodness what I am saying? And it's only 3 o'clock in the afternoon.... I better go and have a little lie-down...

yes, the weather is still rubbish.

I am quite appalled, Leggy.

Go and wash you mouth with soap; or take a cold shower.

Yes, sorry Alex. I feel better now I've had a strong cup of tea, Anyway it's your turn to do an impression. There's some wigs over there, if it helps...

I can't do impressions, Leggy, but name someone and I'll do me best.

That's no fun! You do some-one and I'll guess! It could take ages if you're not very good at it and I don't know who you're supposed to be doing though....

Okay, here goes...

Erm.

AAAOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!

I'm looking for my ol' buddies that I miss. Cool AND Sexy mom that once said that she can wear me down in bed, People who like to play cricket. etc...

Rain is good though, you can take a shower with OUT going into the shower

PRESS RELEASE...PRESS RELEASE...PRESS RELEASE...PRESS RELEASE...

In a decision that has shocked the showbusiness world, a little-known 63-year-old Scottish Christian fundamentalist has won this year's Big Brother competition.

Jon Ianston, a supermarket trolley supervisor from Dunfermline, has walked away with the 70 grand jackpot despite not having appeared in the Channel 4 reality gameshow.

Mr Ianston, who has claimed to be a virgin and is said to be 'saving himself for marriage', caused controversy after he condemned homosexuals as 'unnatural'. He thanked those who voted for him and said he was 'delicted that regualr vieewers had deicided to veto for me'.

It is believed that Mr Ianston had gone absent from work in order to appear on the Channel 4 show. Friends were said to be 'staggered but delighted' by his shock victory.

Last night, the Scot, whose strange monologues and constant references to his OED won him fans worldwide, was said to be celebrating at church with a young friend.

Alex....don't...I quite liked Cameron in a perverted sort of way and now you have ruined the image

Awwwww Thumb, c'mon here and give me a massive cuddle. I've missed you That's better Now, can I call you Tom as in Thumb?

Het Thumbs! We've ALL missed you - just a bit quiet tonight - but I'm up for a game of c****et anytime! I'm bowling though....

And Alex - the way you write like a journalist - it's spooky! ps I think your impression was Bianca from EatEnders - just before she would say "Rickeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"? Am I right?

I'll give you clue, Leggy. He's an American male and works in showbusiness.