h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

but thats just cruel dude. Its no really my business but you shouldn't be pissing people off like that. Having a lot of enemies isn't great. Plus the kid didn't do anything THAT bad yet

Aaaaaah Dude i''m only kiddin' hey! whose worried who or what dont like yeh if they dont dude its their loss your gain.Gawd if your goin' round all your life KISSIN' BUTT you get known as a BUTT KISSER! and thats worse than been known as a BUTT KICKER!! if you cant stand the heat stay out of the kitchen Dude thats my motto.just look what happened to Blair & Bush with KISSIN' BUTT DUDE!! A BUTT KISSER aint worth a dime Dude not worth a bloody dime NOT A BLOODY DIME!! so Dude the only advice are can give you is KEEP YOUR FACE ABOVE WAIST HEIGHT!! so see yeh Dude-must i have to kick Nigels Butt

I never do it dude, you got it all wrong. I just don't have the butt kissing skills. But I do sometimes make teacher like me. It easy as one two four.... Just make them laugh and their do you a lot of favors

Hey! Nigel-He's Legers,He thinks i'm givin' you a rough time tell him am i good to you or what.Hi Legers-I'm the kid as Doug as nick-named me.

He's alright the only trouble with him he thinks he owns the place he walks round with a limp he reckons its an old war wound.But John-thats Dougs best mate reckons he hurt rushing to the pay office when he got payed short.Nice talking to you Ledgers-To late doug i'm sending it

I KNEW IT

Goood mornin' Dude-The Whether hears kinda muggy but warm y'know the kinda whether the saps the strenth outa orndinary guys but not owld Doug-it brings the best out in me ledgers.I'm just setting meself up with a bacon & egg sarnie and a mug of the owld sargeant majors theres nothin' better Legers-Hey! i forgot to tell yeh yesterday i was eating a tongue sarnie and i took a bite and i was chompin. away for half hour i thought this aint goin' down like it should dude..guess what Ledgers-I was only eatin' me tie i'd slapped to slices of bread round me tie put brown sauce on it.Jeeez ledgers-i'm leavin' this home-brew alone.Must remember if things a going to fast slow down.

Yeah, hot weather does make you do things that aren't supposed to be done. Chomping away on your tie you say. Well, just look on it from the bright side, your jaw got a very good exercise. Chew on that tie like that once a day, and you'll be known as the best chewer in England AS for me, The weather just killing me. To be honest, I would have punched the guy who though of an idea that walking around half naked ain't proper

Yep,i can see your point Ledgers-Its funny you saying that about the hot weather where i live they have a garden competition once a year the one who wins it gets some sort of cup/shield.Anyway i'm driving through the village around 1pm and theres 2 owld dames having one helluva cat fight really having a go at each other kicking and swearing one was 62 and the other was around fifty so i'm told.On the saturday night i thought i'll dodge in the Tile-Sheds for a pint just for a refresher..and these 2 guys were talking about the said cat-fight apparently they were the best of mates but they had a falling out about a year a go.just over one of the dames got a suite so the other owld dame went out and bought one like it but bigger than the one the first dame got and they've been at loggerheads ever since.

You should know that little things are always the reason for a big fights. Especially for ladies. If all of a sudden one best friend buys a dress that the other best friend wanted, they will be the enemies for life.

Good morning Ledgers-Yep, your right me owld marra...lifes to short for all the crap anyway who wants to live like that replicating other peoples gear only on a bigger scale..err if you catch me drift Ledgers.Y'know i've just been reading the paper while havin' me sausage sarnie and me mug of Earl Gray..and i got to thinkin.theres about a 150 wars goin' on around the world a lot of them in these tin-pot countries and no-one gives a sh.t.Murders by the dozen no-one gives a sh.t till its on their doorstep..the worlds goin' to pot Ledgers-old chap and no-one gives a sh.t.Well thats my moan over Ledgers-Old chap..hell whats that heh a .hell

wars, its something I hear none stop on the news. Bad thing is that its the small things that start big things. What I'm leaning to is that all these little country wars can lead to big countries starting them wars. For example states can agree with the East of bumblefuck, and France can agree with the West of bumblefuck, and there goes another war. Thats what I'm affraid of. But I'm sure that as some point evrything stops

Yep!maybe your right Ledgers-old chap but when?thats the question maybe if the bigger countries stop sellin' these little countries like East/West Bubblefuck weapons just maybe the wars will stop.Like i say who gives a sh.t..well only the guys thats profiteering out sellin' East/West Bubblefuck the weapons.Hey! theres that Bl..dy again

you right. I need a drink its hot in here

Lastnight i was playin' squash with a Portugues guy and i dont think i whacked the ball once the little guy was like lightnin'.I was bl..dy knackered dude its years since i played owld squash Hey! dude i gorra tell yeh this after the game he said, "is there any Irish bars round here"and i said quick as a flash,"yeh" and he said,"well what i we waitin' for"and i said,"nuthin" and he said,"well lets go then"and i said,"ok".So we went to this Irish bar in the Boro and guess what only this Portuguese guys mother was Irish dude it was a helluva night.So now theres a Portuguese school choir goin' to sing in the townhall..well dude i'll finish this Black-puddin' sarnie have me mug of Yorkshire tea and that will set me up for the day again hell theres that bl..dy again i hate them

Portugues guy in an Irish bar? Those words are hard to pronounce together. Was he drinking and cursing with a rate of an Irishman? Not much new here. My hot water got shot down in the middle of me takinga damn shower, so I had to finish up with just cold water warmed with my own breath

Yeh See nothin' goes write when your in a hurry...its jut one of them days dude.I was talkin to a guy and he whacked me on the chest with a newspaper he thought there was a fly on me..but a closer inspection of the splattered remains of the thing he thought was a fly.It was a piece of blackpuddin' out of the sarnie i had this morning..yeh see he's ruined a good suit i'm walkin' around with what looks like a black sherriffs badge on now.Y'know i think he only done it! just wait till he's havin' coffee as you know Ledgers-old chap i'm not a vindictive person..but its time to draw a line in the sand.This guys had it..its pay back time.Shhhhhh.t he's here

well that definitly sucks. But you should have played it of cool, pretend like its the new style thing. And you got the only suit they had because of your good conections with ... someone important Also make sure you spill the coffe right on the pants just bellow the belt. Make him think twice before smashing someone on the chest

What a good idea Ledgers-Old chap i'm not scared of this guy he thinks he's macho because he goes to the gym three times a week and pumps iron.That means nothin' to me dude and he will find out if he starts me again HA! thats what i'll say to him next time i see him..but i doubt if i will see him because i've put the word about him looking for him.yeh see dude these guys are nothin' when you front them head on.SSSSSHIT!HERE IS...err must dude catcha later gerrout the way!!!!!

If I was there I would hold him back, but I'm a few hundred miles off. Watch out for the right hook, and target his chin. It might help if you use a coffee maker.

Cheers Ledgers-Old chap but i feel quite safe here in the cupboard..but dont think i scared of this guy its just the sight of blood i cant stand.I dont need anthing to sort this guy out Ledgers-old chap you should know that by now he's a loser.I dodgin' out for a prawn sarnie now...i'll just saunter out without a care in the world