h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hiya David.....

yeah i hate drunken drooling blokes,they really get on me ...they are so annoying..well most of them are anyway,some i can actually have a laugh with..
anyway i'm not out at all this weekend,i'm working..,so you wont see me falling outta panamas this week,defo next week tho..supposed to be out fri/sat next week..going to warrington on fri-night for a change and my best mates birthday,and in town sat-nite..ive organised a class reunion,quite ironic for someone who used to wag school all the time..so that'll be nice to catch up with everyone again..

oh moi rude!!!!!..

I'm soooo not

I expect with your assets you get loads of men drooling over you, you know us men, suckers for a pretty face, blonde hair and a big chest. We are shallow and weak really, its no wonder you girls are much better at all that boy/girl, flirting, chating up, relationship stuff, than us men. You lot can wrap us round your fingers with a sly smile and a wink. But we love it really.

And, yes I DO think you are rude!, young lady, but I do like a nice rude girl!.

Anyway have a good weekend working, I'll be thinking of you as I am dancing the night away. Out straight from work tomorrow 5 o'clock start, I'm gonna be ratted. Never know though may meet the girl of my dreams.

Take care of yourself Em, speak soon, Love David xXx

Oi dont go yet i'm here..

yeah get far too many people staring at me 's...i mean they are just there in everyones faces,and more often than not some poor un-suspecting blokes head shoved in between them,either that or my bottle of bud....

i'm well fed up i'm working all weekend,but i'm sure i'll make up for it next week

yeah don't have too much fun will ya,while i'm stuck at work doing a night shift..
out from 5pm,flippin eck you will be ratted <ill.

i thought i was the womaan of ya dreams the other night,and ive told you i wont be out..

why your at it see if theres any decent/good looking blokes for me..

Awww Em of course you are the girl of my dreams, I'm still thinking of you and them thigh lenght boots!!. But as you weren't out I had to make do.

Ended up in Panama's and took a leaf out of your book and drank water for the last hour I was out and I feel fine this morning. When I was in there this girl came up to me who seemed to know me, she was calling me David and kept touching my arm and back while we were talking. I did not know who she was, didn't recognise her at all or know her name, quite emmbarrasing realy, she was acting like we were old friends.
Turns out she used to go out with a mate of mine about 20 years ago and me and my then girlfriend went out with them a couple of times. Anyway she was very drunk and said we should go out on a date!. I made my excuses and left, not my type and definately not the girl of my dreams.(That title belongs to you!)

There were no decent looking men out there last night, (only me), so you didn't miss anything, town was pretty quiet I think you were better off at work.

Anyway my son is coming round to stay to night and he is bringing his girlfriend so I will be able to meet her at last. So I have just spent the last hour clenaning, tidying and hoovering up. May be taking them out for their tea, Pizza Hut probably, or The Micklehead.

How do blokes heads get shoved between your boingy bits ?, its not fair that kinda thing never happens to me . Lucky blokes, lucky bottle of Bud!.

Hope you are not too tired and the nights are not too long.

Chat soon, Love DavidXXX

Hey David..

drinking water at the end of the night is not something i usually do,,i think it was because i was on& still am on tablets,and was in abit of pain that i decided to go on water,anyway hope you had a good night without the drunken woman slobbering all over you,,

well ive done my night shift,ive had about 2hrs sleep,rudely got woken up by the telephone ringing,and it being the ex which makes it worse,so not i'm gonna get ready to go and pick the little one up from my mams,then i was gonna take him the park then onto either pizza hut,or micklehead,like i usually do,they're like my second home those two places,i'm usually in them both everyweek,so i'll just ask the man of the house which one shall we go to when i pick him up...or then again i may just have a drive to chester or southport,why it's a nice day...

well not every bloke i come across has the chance to have his head shoved down my top,only a select few,and thats when i'm drunk,,the only time it gets on my nerves is when guys think its their right to just grab at them,even when i don't know them...that usually ends up with lots of verbal abuse of me to them,or a punch...

but more often than not you will always find a bottle of bud,(or other) down me top,its me party peice yunno,,i can make a big bottle of vodka disapear down me cleavage,and you wouldn't know it was there,i think ive tried a big bottle of pepsi,tho that is just abit too big to disapear

anyway have a great day with your children..

chat soon

EM
xxXxx

Good Evening.

Really Em, you are forgetting I am a man, and I don't mind drunken women slobbering all over me, but she was not my type, I am not the kind of bloke to take advantage at that sort of situation, but the thought did cross my mind . I must say I was flattered, the first time a women has taken an intertest in me for a long time .

Well my lad has done well for himself, his girlfriend is a looker and a very nice girl, he must have learned from the mistakes of his old dad. I just hope he can be trusted, they start so young these days, I first had sex at 19, that is ancient by today's standards, and I did not go with a girl seriously til I was 26. But I had some good times before then.

We ended up in Pizza Hut, the kids liked it but I think their Pizza's are bland and over priced, tried to get in Quattro's at the end of the Rainford bypass, but they were fully booked, have you ever been there ?, I recommend it.

Where did you end up, Southport, Chester ?, I didn't see anybody who could have been you in Pizza Hut(I was looking ). Hope you and the little man had a good evening.

Took Helen to Derbyshire today, went down a mine and climbed a Peak, and went to a castle, caught the sun and had ice cream, a good day all in all. Have you been out or are you still on nights ?.

Talking of which I start nights tomorrow, should be Mon to Thursday, but I have booked Wed and Thur off, couldn't stand doing the whole set .

Have you decided on Blackpool or Edinburgh ?, hope it's the latter, I can't stand Blackpool, it's so cheap and tacky, I hope you don't think I'm being a snob!, I know you hate people who are up their own hoop! I am not like that at all. But Blackpool not my cup of tea, although I went on the Mad Mouse once, best ride I've ever been on. And on one coach trip there, I missed the coach back, spent the night at a young ladies house and it cost £50 taxi next morning, a long time ago, things we do . Thinking about it that is only one of three one night stands I've had, think I've had a sheltered life, but I suppose, a bit like Blackpool, they are cheap and tacky.

God I went off on a ramble there, sorry for all that, I could have deleted it but, what the hell.

Anyway Em, hope to speak soon , take care of yourself lots of and , David XxX

Hiya David

wow sounds like youv'e had an eventfull weekend,
i ended up in micklehead with my lad and my nephew,ended up out on the town again lastnite,got far too drunk,really wish i hadn't gone out...
well i was working till 3pm today,so just come home and started on the garden wht it was nice,tho your day sounds wonderful,would have prefered doing something like that,and i'm sure the little-one would have too,he enjoys stuff like that.
ive never tryed that Quattros place,what do they serve there??,coz i'm a really fussy eater,...i don't do anything with eyes,or would have breathed,i don't eat spicy food like currys n stuff,i don't eat chinese or any other stuff like that,tho i do love pasta & pizza,thats why i tend to go pizza hut alot,and besides ive nobody to take me out for meals,

i think we will try scotland for a change this year,tho nothing is definate as of yet,A place i would really love to go to is York..i'd love to do abit of sight-seeing,ghost trail,n stuff,me and my mate have been on about it,so may just try and get there for a weekend away sometime.
and have been on about going to Great Yarmouth today with a mate n kids sometime for another weekend away...i need to get away from this town ,even if it is only a couple of weekends away.



Em..xxx

Yeah it was a good day, we went to a place called Castletown, in the peak district, only an hour away, a beautiful place with an old ruined castle on the hill. The mine we went down was an old 'Blue John' mine which is a blue jem stone. It was deep and dark and wet and scary!, great fun for the kids. Latter me and Helen climbed up this hill were people were jumping off hang gliding and para gliding, it was good fun watching the sky fill will all these brightly coloured gliders

You would love Quattros which is an Italian, with losts of Pizza and pasta all freshly cooked yummy!. I am sure you will have someone to take you there soon . Do you eat fish cos technically they don't breath, and what about spuds, they have eyes .

Go to York a great place for sight seeing and the like, they have a ghost walk, though not been on it, bit crap at night though. I am sure Edingburgh has a ghost/murder walk too. Another drunken night round St Helens ?, I think you are right you need to get away.

Love David XxX

Wow that sounds like great fun,i must try there some time,i know little-un would really love the mines and castles,he's really into old stuff,coz he associates everything then with dinosaurs,he's far too clever,and even teaches me a thing or two..he's been telling everyone since he was 2yr that he wants to be a paleantologist..(sp?),he knows most names of dinosaurs,what they eat ,when they lived etc..,he's far too clever for a 6yr old.

Yeah spuds do have eyes,but there nnot the ones that blink are they..
and no i don't eat fish either,or meat,or poultry or eggs,,flippin eck,i don't eat much really,tho my downfall is cheese,ooooo think i'll have to try that quantro's place,but isn't that where they found a dead body once,or was that someone making stories up??

Well going to York is something ive wanted to do for years now,so i'll put it on me list of things to do this year..
i need to get out and travel abit more instead of being stuck round here all the time

Yes indeed, the chef ended up in the sceptic tank, not because of his cooking though, he was shagging someone who shouldn't have been, play with fire and you will get burned, or in his case drown in shit ! ug what a way to go.

I don't think his ghost walks round the place, the smell would be terrible, but if you like ghosts and the paranormal it may be the place for you.

Your little un sounds clever !, paleantologist at 2, wow, must take after you . (btw I used your spelling for that word, looks right, I'm crap at spelling )

Anyway off to bed now, nice talking to you, I'm on nights for a couple of days so may not be able to post, will try though.

Love David

Hiya David

sorry i didn't say goodnight,but i fell asleep before you posted that last post,was absolutly shattered

Anyway i hardly think my child takes after me he's too clever,i think he was switched at birth...well he's been reading & writing since he was 2yr aswell,he's also top in his class,his work is brilliant,and he's 2-3yrs ahead of the other children in reading in his class,his teachers are made up with him.mind you it is only me that sits down with him and teaches him,or he picks it up of the discovery channels...and when he tells people he wants to be a paleantologist,most people then ask me what it is,as not to look thick in front of him,he's been asking me for ages now ,when can we go to America,just to dig up dinosaur bones,but he has got a couple of fossils and a huge meglosaurus tooth,thats apparently 250-million yrs old.,my house is full of dinosaurs,i'm sick of it....but he's a pleasent ,well mannered child,and he's my little miracle.awwwwww got all sentimental then..

As for spelling ...well mine is totally crap,so excuse all the mistakes.and i'm totally thick,but thats coz i'm blonde

Anyway i'm gonna go and get a bath now,just been for a 5-6mile walk,but just thought i'd text while my baths running.then get ready for work myself..so have a safe and pleasant shift and chat soon ...

Hi Em .

Sorry I've not replied for a couplem of days, been on nights , and have not had time.
Have you ever taken your lad to Manchester Museum ?, I took Helen a couple of months ago and they have a giant T. Rex skeleton, very impressive and lots of other old type stuff, egyptian mummies and artifacts etc, good way to spend a couple of hours. Its in Oxford Road in Manchester and they have a good cafe attached, don't know what their veggie selection is like though.

I think in bringing up kids the best you can hope to do is teach a child respect and manners and hope they are good people, from what you say I would think you are doing a fine job . If they are clever or have a special talent that is a bonus, and as long as they are happy and are not ill mannered little monsters, we should be proud.

Has your car broke down or something ?, going for 5 miles walks!!, was it out of necessity or a fitnesses thing. Where do you walk to, there are not many nice picturesques (told you my spelling crap) routes round here.

And you are not think, stop putting yourself down. I though you were not a natural blonde anyway, matching collar and cuffs ?.

Well I'm off out tonight to watch footie in the pub so should be drunk later. Out on Friday too probably round town, so if you don't go to Manchester you may see me. I'm going to a posh golf do first, so I will be the only bloke round town with a suit and tie on, very smart !.

Lots of love XxX David

Hiya David

i've been meaning to take him to the Manchester museum,but i didn't actually no where it was,but now i do so thanks for that.,i have taken him to the Liverpool museum a couple of times in the past,but when it comes to these next school hols,i plan on taking him places,so maybe i'll take him there,but i was thinking maybe Wales again,he loved it last year when i took him for a few days...
well i teach my child manners and to have respect for others,he knows whats right & wrong,he knows whats good for him &what isn't and he certainly is very clever,,always uses his p's & q's,,so hopefully i'm doing an okay job at being a full time working-single mum...

Anyway i'm going to Warrington fri-night for my friends birthday,just for a change from town,but then i'm round town on sat-night,because ive organised a class reunion,so some of the people ive not seen for 15yr,flippin eck thats flew by..
so i still wont get to see you,but have yourself a wonderful time,and if you just happen to see me in a gutter somewhere in a drunken stuper,send me home in a taxi will ya

Well as for me 5-6mile walk,me and me mate started doing it about autumn last year,we've missed quite a few weeks in that time,and haven't really been for the last 6weeks,so i was practically on my knees after half way round,coz we done our usual walk..start near sutton park,past dragon,past smithy,up towards widnes,but turn left at the lights,down towards the griffin pub,then down thru clock face,leach lane ,back to s-park,so thats roughly abot 5-6 miles i would imagine,done that monday,,,then on tues we walked to dragon,thru clock,down by gorsey lane(near burtonwood),back down reggie road,up mill lane then round s-park,but i don't know how many miles that one is,but it seemed longer,its just a way of us keepin fit abit,and de-stresses us.,coz we just gab and have a laugh all the way around..and it has helped me to lose some weight,but still not lost any weight in other areas,they just wont shrink

anyway i didn't get to see the match tonight,tho me and little one had our liverpool t-shirts on,makin an effort yunno
right well i think ive gone on enough for now,so chat soon

Em.XxX

My dear Em , although I've never met you I am sure some girls would pay good money to have what you have in the breast department!. I do have a friend who had a breast reduction operation and she thinks it was a great decision. I don't know though, God made you that way so perhaps you should be happy with what you have. I don't think I would ever have plastic surgery, and god knows I could do with it.

The match was OK a nil/nil score, are you a bit of a scouser?.

If i ever see you in a gutter I would see you home ok, but that wont happen, surely you have more class than that ??? !!!.

I am sure you have never ended up in the gutter, although I must admit I have

Love n stuff David XxX

Good night xxx

good morning

Good Evening David

how are you today,hope youv'e had a good un??

erm no i'm not a scouser,but my mum is but has lived here for the last 44years,but when we were growing up as kids we all had to watch Liverpool play footy,and we didn't have a choice in it..

Good morning young Em.

I don't know why I support Liverpool, my dad took me to a match when I was 8 and I have supported them since then, but I don't care much for the city or the people. I know that sounds a biggotted sweeping statement, but the accent grinds on my nerves and unfortunately most of the scousers I encounter in my job are nasty violent theives and this does effect your views. Having said that I know most scousers are decent people and I have some good friends from Liverpool. One of these has a chat up line he always uses, he says to a girl "Have you got a bit of scouse in you?", they usually say "No", then he says "Would you like some". Funny the first time he said it but its wearing a bit thin now.

Have you anything planned for the week end? Looks like the weather will be nice, I'm just getting ready for my golf day, its a charity thing for a policeman, a friend of mine who died of cancer a few years back.
The sun is shinning so it should be a good day.

Don't get too drunk in Warrington tonight and I hope the school reunion goes well.

Speak soon, David XxX