h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My dear Em .

Sorry I have not replied for a while, computer trouble ! I don't understand these things but there was some trouble with my ISP !.

What do you mean 'old geezzers'!! I have told you that us men get better with age !, I am just reaching my prime I will have you know. And for an old bugger I look quite young, only the other day this girl said I look 38 !! which for me is young .

I am glad that girl wasn't you, as I said she was a looker but she was up her own arse and I hate that, I am sure you are even more of a looker than her but you have your feet on the ground. Its funny, I want to meet you but I also like the fact that we have not met and perhaps never will, a bit of mystery ! but either way I count you as a friend.

And as a friend I will tell you something that I know will dissapoint you. I went on a date last week . I know I shouldn't have and I am a weak and foolish man and should know better but there you are. The circumstances are that when I got home from town last week I was very drunk and I found a telephone number scribbled on a piece of paper in my pocket. I had forgotten who gave it me, it could only of been one of two girls. I would have usually thrown it away, but I was drunk and feeling pretty low so I sent a text. The upshot was that I arranged to met a girl in town on Sunday night, but I still did not know which of the two girls would turn up. Anyway it was the girl I hoped for, the date went ok, but in the cold light of day I did not fancy the girl and will not see her again. I know you will think bad of me for this whole episode but sometimes we need some excitement in our lives, I will put it down to experiance....it was fun.

Anyway my friend hope you are well, it would be good to both be on line at the same time and chat like we used to do but I don't suppose we will, wow over 200 posts now, its good to talk

Your mate as always, David

I'm here so stay put..while i write a reply

Hiya David

Awww i thought you had fell out with me for calling you an old geezer,cuz it's been a whole week..
Anyway hope your well...Hey you don't have to explain to me,i'm not gonna judge you for going on a date.I know what its like needing a bit of excitment.BUT DON'T DO IT AGAIN,or i'll have to slap ya hands.
I'm feeling pretty delicate today,had a really bad hangover,was round town lastnight and was very drunk again,me mate felt a coppers ass when we walked by them,wasn't you was it??,he just laughed at us anyway.
So have you not been out tonight then??



EM

Hey what do you have to do to get some attention round here????

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s around the room shouting and screaming.."i'm here"......

flashes ( . )( . )......

flashes (_!_).....

Sorry I missed you again !!!, I will have to start checking if you are on line, you are at the moment but will you see this ?...

Yep i'm here

what you doing up so late ? btw it wasn't my bum your mate pinched the other night, but tell her if she ever wants to feel my bum she is welcome.

Well i only finnished work at 10pm.so i'm watchin Most Haunted on tv now,do you watch it?

I have seen it, I don't believe in ghost, you only ever get people who are on their own seeing spirits, which I think tells you more about that persons imagination than any paranormal activity. I am watching 'The Blair Witch Project' very frightening.

oooooooooo Blair Witch oooooooooo bit scary that,well for me sat here all on me little lonesome it is,i'd rather watch Most Haunted its not as scary.


.

oh i'll tell me mate,as she often feels up coppers arses when we walk by.

oh I am not just being used as a sex toy for your mate ! I do have standards, i'll admit they are low standards and I usually don't meet them. Its funny policemen often get their bums felt, but if a bloke pinches a policewoman's arse they get locked up for indecent assault and become a schedule one sex offender which means they are banned from loads of jobs!!.

Anyway Em I am going to have to love you and leave you, on mornings tomorrow and am up at 6am.

On nights at the weekend so I will stick my arse out of the car window while I drive down Westfield Street, feel free to have a grab!!, if you are out that is. Thought you were staying in to save money for xmas?, you drunken mare.

Good to chat again, love David.

Hiya David

Sorry about lastnight and just disapearing like i did,only i was writing a reply post,and it wouldn't let me post it for some stupid reason,so i got fed up with trying,i thought i'd end up with spam posts with the amount of times i tryed to post...
Anyway hope youv'e had a good day in work,i'm just busy lazying about,and maybe abit of cleaning up..

Chat later..

Hi Em ,

So whats new with you ?, just finished a weekend of nights and I was most disappointed that no one grabbed my bum in Westfield Street, I take it you and your mates weren't out .

I have another confession to make, that girl who I took out kept on texting me, and although I said I would not see her again, she was very persistant and to cut a long story short we had a passionate liason. Well I am only human and have not had sex for so long I couldn't help myself, but that is the end of the affair. I know you will hate me for it but I needed to feel alive again. Apart from that life goes on much as usual, ended up fighting with a bouncer on nights, he beat his girlfriend up when he was drunk and off his head on coke, funny thing was he had no fingers on either hand !.

Well hope you are well and saving up for xmas, speak soon, David

Hiya David

Yeah i went out saturday night was down westfield street,even got dragged into nexus kicking and screaming (of course),i really hate that place.I got too drunk again,its those double vodkas,and cocktail shots that do it yunno.

Oh what are you like,One liasion will lead to another,then another so stop now or else i'll have to come down there slap ya ass,or beat you senseless with me feather boa..the choice is yours...

Most bouncers are to$$ers anyway,theres only i select few around town that are okay..
Hope your okay anyway.

are you still here???

Hello Em , hope you are well.

Well as far as that other woman thing is concerned it is over before it began, the threat of that feather boa was enough for me to see sense and anyway she was only using me for sex!.

A bit of a drama yesterday, Helen is having riding lessons and yesterday was the first day they let her ride without someone leading her. The horse was not the usual one and suddenly bolted off, Helen tried to hang on for dear life but was thrown off and landed heavily on the ground. At first I feared the worse but after a bit of crying she got up and remounted and carried on riding, I was very impressed. I am not sure about these horses though , they are so big, powerful and unpredictable and you often hear about people being killed or paralised by them, look at superman.

Afternoons this week so I may see you staggering down Westfield Street if you are out tomorrow, to night I am in the jail so I will only see if you get locked up!.

Last night I arrested this horrible smelly scouse theif who I had to take to a police station somewhere in darkest Liverpool. There he was seen by the doctor who said to me that I should wear a face mask or hanky over my face when I interview him as he has got TB. Problem was he was sat in the back of my car for half an hour leaning forward between the seats buzzin' away off his head on something. Well lets look on the bright side, I may not have TB !

If you are off this weekend have a good one, don't get too drunk and take care of yourself, David XXX

Hiya David

Yeah thought the feather boa might have threw ya..
Sorry to hear about Helen,glad shes okay tho.Horses scare me so you'd never find me on one,i know a lad that got kicked in the face by one,but that was years ago,anyway he probably deserved it at the time..My best mates daughter does horse-riding,shes goes in for alot of competitions,and has won quite afew of them too,not so long back she got a dislocated jaw thru jumping the fence with the horse,that was when she was in a comp too,but she carried on regardless,these kids have no fear .

Wont you have to go and get checked out now for TB??,thought that was contagious??,better being safe than sorry anyway.

Up to now i wont be out this weekend,well not round town.me niece has invited me to go down her mates house tonight,but dunno,i'm on work in the mornin,so if i do go i wont be drinkin,i'm sick of town,its the same faces,same places etc... gets borin week after week..but still i go,i think i need me head testing
Right well,be carefull and be good and chat soon

take care

Em.xxx

Hello Em

Well I have been seen by the doctor and all is well, no TB as I have been innoculated against it as a kid. So I am free to snog anyone who wants to .

I have booked a few days leave so I am off now til nights on Monday, I was so knackered and fed up I needed a rest, going having my blood pressure and colestorol checked, you have to do these things when you get to be an old fart like me.

I won't be going out round town for a few weeks looks like I have got me a stalker/bunny boiler. That girl I was telling you about keeps texting me and I saw her at the weekend going round all the police in Westfield Street, looking for me !. Can't blame the poor girl, she is only human after all, once you've had some of my 'lovin' ......
But she is becoming a bit of a pain, and yes I know it's my own fault and I fully expect and deserve a smack round the head if we ever meet.

Off to Wigan next Friday for a night out, should be a a good change, not been out round there for years, as you say town is crap.

Well take care and speak soon xxx David

Hiya David

Oh dear,so youv'e got yourself a stalker eh!!!!,thats not good,you'll probably find she'll be "accidently" turning up places where you are,and probably asking every copper she meets about you,then you'll be getting the funny phonecalls.etc........yeah i know what its like to have a stalker and its not nice,had one meself only mine is my ex's girlfriend,feckin freak of nature as she is..

"I expect and deserve a smack around the head",,Oh don't worry you'll get one.. round the head.

Glad to hear youv'e been checked out by the Doc,and as for smoochin anyone who wants to now,make sure your not wearing your beer goggles when you do it next time,and don't go givin your number out so freely.
"stands down off soapbox"


I'm going to Manchester again this fri-night watchin my nieces-bf's band again,where they are playing they always sound really good so lookin forward to it.Hopefully might get a smooch meself,but doubt it,i'll probably get too drunk and fall over on me @rse as usual and make a fool of meself

I've not been to wigan for a while now,tho its usually a good night,bit of a change from town.You'll probably end up down kings street(i think its called) ,where Chicago Rock,Jumpin Jacks,Maloneys etc.. is.. it's always packed down there,and plenty of young girls i'm sure you and your mates could drool over.

Anyway how come your only coming on once a week now..

Take care,chat soon

Hugs n stuff

Hello Em .

The good thing about my stalker is that she does not know were I live and only has my mobile number, she has never called it but still sends texts. So I think I am safe and she will soon get the message. You are right about beer goggles, I have never thought of this, but do beer goggles work for women too ?. I mean have you ever been drunk and thought you were being chatted up by Brad Pitt on to discover later he looked more like a bulldog chewing a wasp?. And I did not give her my number, I don't even know it, my mistake was sending her a text, but we live and learn.

I am ill at the moment, got flu, or as my alleged partner puts it 'Man Flu', which I think means that men over react when they are ill and there is nothing very much wrong with me, no sympathy from her!. I have been laid low for 2 days now and as I type this I have a blanket wrapped round me a bob cap on and am drinking hot lemon. At least it will get me out of working nights this week, but i think I would rather not be ill and go to work.

How did your night in Manchester go ?, did you get a snog ?, hope you did, the knight in shinning armour can't be far away now.

Take care and chat soon, David XXX

PS. will try to get on more often, I mean on here !, I know how your mind works