h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Rick.

Thank you for the message.

I didn't realise that you had been away for so long. I have no idea where Dunchurch is so I shall get the atlas out soon to have a peek!
What did you do in Bath, apart from working? Did you do a bit of sight-seeing, or have you done all that before? You could have popped down here for a cuppa.

I've just had an awful evening! Trust me to have one though. It's left me a bit weepy. Silly me. I went to Wimborne on Thursday. I've been quite busy there, helping this one and that one. I wanted to get the 4pm bus home tonight. It is the last one for the day. I had to wait for over an hour . One had to be put on specially for me and another man. A long story to do with broken indicators etc...
I felt so chilled waiting.

When I got home, I couldn't open the door off the street to my home! The handle had broken off the ancient door, and I couldn't turn the whatever it's called. So the only way to get to my front door is to clamber over a 6foot wall! I stood there not knowing what to do, or where to go for help. In the end, I realised that I had no option but to try and clamber down/jump. So I did. I've hurt my arm, leg, and neck!
I then tried to mend the door handle, and have managed to stab my hand with the screw-driver.

My heart is always warm(probably doesn't do me much good though!). Folk do take advantage of warm hearts.

And just recently, my pockets have been full----of tissues, due to the constant ill health, and all the tears!!

Sorry this is a long message. I'm feeling thoroughy fed up tonight with all the palaver!

Time for a cup of tea methinks. I'll make one for you too.

Hi Polly,sorry you're feeling so down tonight,I dont suppose you dont have home insurance(structual or contents)these sometimes cover repairs to locks etc on your home.

If your handle is a round knob or leverlatch,both types of these handles operate with a square bar going through the latch,both these types of handles can be bought from any reputeable DIY store.

At our age a "T" bar type screwdriver with interchangeable screw tips are easier and safer to use.

Rick~~yes it IS one of those square bar thingys. There was a wooden knob on the outside of the door, which was on the pavement. When I tried to put it onto the long square thing, the bar disappeared. That is why I couldn't open the door. I back onto a church-my garden is a raised one because the church is on a hill. So I didn't have to scale the wall. I only-ONLY?, had to jump down somehow!
I have now screwed the knob back onto the bar, although the knob is wooden and rotting! And my hand is bandaged!
Argh!!

Hi polly,if the square bar has a groove or hole in it the groove or hole has to realign with the screw.
Perhaps its time to relace the knob or if you have the same knob inside turn the hand set round by putting the external knob inside.

Then you can put fabric tape around the old one on the inside,N.B. make sure when removing the handset you place a book or brick between the door and jamb to stop the wind closing the door by accident,else you'll be jumping of the wall again(what a plucky thing you are,I'd give anything for a picture of your face after you landed.

Bless you, Rick, for all your sound advice.

I now have the inside knob(a lovely, large, old brass one) on the outside. And vice-versa!
Why the sticky fabric stuff? Just as a precaution? I haven't got any anyway. Maybe some black tape??

As for the look on my face~~I think it was one of great annoyance! And sadness(cos there was no-one to turn to). I was wearing a pair of my best trousers(just in case it is of any interest, they are slim brown moleskins , and I knew I might damage them. Plus I didn't want to scuff my Timberland boots~~too expensive to ruin). AND, where I jumped, there is some glass. I could hardly see a thing in the darkness. I was so scared. Once indoors, I put my trews straight into the W/M because they were muddy.

From your Polly!

Hi Polly,forgot to mention,if it happens again a medium-large slotted screwdriver will open the door from either side.

PS

Now I know what it's like to be a cat-burglar!! Or cat-woman!!

A-ha. So I mustn't forget to always have a screwdriver in my bag!! I really will have one with me from now on if you think it will work.. I guess you mean one that has a flat end. Mind you, I don't know how that could open the door.

Thank you.

Hi Polly,the screwdriver with its tapered bit fits in the square hole diagonally,savvy.

Into the corners? I see. I will put it to the test tomorrow, Rick. Must get the right size though.

Hi Polly,sorry to hear your back is bad,maybe you have twisted something when you jumped off that wall,try putting a hot water bottle behind your back when you are sitting,or one of those microwaveable wheat bags.

If its still painful after a couple of days get the Doc to have a peek.

Hello Rick. My back is getting worse. I took the dogs out for an hour and a half this afternoon and I was glad to get to a friends home afterwards. I shall go and put the kettle on now to fill a hot-water bottle. Thank you for your advice. This 'kiss' looks like a duck!

I have never owned a microwave oven. I have tried those wonderful lavender wheat-bags in my daughter's home. The smell is lovely.

I looked at that wall this morning. It's a fair jump down! And there is a tiny wall made of bricks near the bottom. It's a wonder I didn't loose my footing, or trip over the mini-wall!

Polly

Well Polly,you've answered your own question,you maybe tough as old boots,but your not an old boot so sorry but get your tail down to the docs.
Why would anybody want a bad back for Crimble?

Oh Rick! I'm not tough like an old boot! I'm just independent, and won't be beaten if I can help it. I'm actually very fragile, but have no choice in having to seem to be tough. If I had been over 6 feet tall, everything would have been fine on Saturday. But I'm small!

Scardy cat!Scardy cat!too afraid of the doctors.(na na nan na na )

I ain't afraid of doctors.
Or spiders.
Or dark woods.
Or mice.

I love swings.
And hares.
And bats.
And nougat.

It's freezing in here tonight.

Goodnight, dear Rick. I am so cold that I must get into my nest just to keep warm! I'm rather worried about the water-pipes here. Oh well.


Check-list:

Hot-water bottle.
Cup of tea.
Book.
Bed-socks.
CD player.

Keep warm.

Polly


xxx

Hi Rick. What an exciting night on the MB's!!

It's so jolly freezing here. That is why I am finishing off the M&S mulled wine! I need to get warmed up somehow!

Are you warm at home? I used to be.


Even Puss keeps snuggling his beautiful nose into my jumper. He's feeling chilled too!

Now,now,Polly calm down,remember tomorrow will always come for the rentman.

You know one of the best purchases you'll ever make?

An electric blanket,Soooooooooooh hot it'll replace anybody and WONT steal the duvet.