h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For me, the trouble with number 3 is that I can't ever throw anything away, so my place will get more and more crowded.

could it all be a big con-Cern

i for one will no longer idle away my time con-CERN-ing myself and waiting for a big bang no 'matter' how big or miniscule it might be

not while i can go down on the corner and have me a nice

have a nice weak end

now THAT'S a black hole I can emptyglassI've got some murphy's in the fridge Pierce

hehehe, when it comes to i seem to have a black hole right in the middle of my face

!

er, well, maybe not precisely in the middle of my face...

but who cares, i never missed before

You must never forget where your face is.

do not worry. even when i lose my face i still know where it is

C. concentrical
E. emissions of
R. radical
N. neurons

Neurons are brain cells or nerve cells. Did you mean to say neutrons?

Pierce the Pirate wrote (in 39):
"ps: how's that doomsday machine w*rking now, btw? anyone got any new news about it?

pps: DNA said something like "the instant someone figures out why the universe is so bizarre and inexplicable, it will instantly be replaced by something even more bizarre and inaxplicable - and some say this has already happened!"

maybe it's happened yet again?
-----------------------------

Definitely, it happend early last century already, when a bloke called Onestone (he lost the other marble early in life ).
He heard that something was a wave phenomenon, and he made it his life's purpose to show that no propagation medium was necessary for such waves to propagate in. Very ingeneous indeed. He also said: "make a theory as simple as you can, but not too simple!" So he put his words into deeds, and ever since (with the help of much imagination, and mathematics of course) we all swim in the void. But those nasty waves did not go straight, as normal waves do, but they bent around heavy bodies (like one of his friends, called Son i beleive, who was definitely overweight, if not obese). So this Onestone guy said: no problem, I will warp the void (which by this creative action became some kind of non-void, but who cares? You must bend the Iron when it is hot, right?-) around each heavy body, and lo and behold: the waves bent around them as ever they did. But remember now children: this happens all in the VOID, into which all bursted out in one billionth of a second some 14 billion years ago. This amazing stuff you can derive if you start understanding Exponentials and the Void by (un)real Mathematics, in combination called TOES: Theory Of the Empty Set, applied to the UnReal World... (so called because Real Numbers are UnReal, you understand?...)

So that explains it all, what happened from 1916 to 2008. --
Just imagine what a feast it will be in 2016, the centennial of it all. !
And greetings to the guy who's married to a black hole, I admire his courage!

That 27 km racetrack is only the beginning... Eventually, it is all about 'how to go off in a tangent' --- NFB

-- NFB

that's the word I was looking for Paulbut I suppose the brain ones might do as wellmine go round in circles

You're lucky you still have some.

mine seem to be coming and going - sort of like waves

Of all the things I've lost, I can't remember what my mind was like.

all i can remember these days is i have a brilliant memory

A bit late into the CERN debate, but I just had to tell you what happened last Sunday . Ps sorry for any mistakes


It was Sunday morning and I was on autopilot , I wondered aimlessly in the front garden.
The thought of cutting the grass and weeding the borders was filling me with a level of enthusiasm never felt before.
It was then when this discovery was made , looking around to ensure no one had witnessed what I had seen, I slowly knelt down, for lurking underneath a Hydrangea bush were some strange looking particles.
I considered whether I should report my findings but the thought of endless particle observers setting up camp in my neighbours gardens like desperate bird twitchers quickly dispelled this thought.
In a flash I grabbed the particles and quickly made my way to the garage, I felt that they could not escape from here as I had recently installed a sturdy new side door and before painting the garage I had filled in any gaps .
I put them in a jam jar ,an extra twist on the lid ensured they were safe and could not escape.
Leaving the garage I returned quickly to the safety of the kitchen and look out, everything seemed the same, no apparent radioactive activity as the resin garden furniture had not started to melt .
I thought about the guys at Cern but knowing that they had only just commissioned their new Particle Accelerator , they might not be able to help.
I hatched a amateurish plan , I would do my own experiment and after drinking many sweet teas to control the shock of my find, I was focused and ready.
I would try replicate what they were doing at Cern with my new found particles.
I now needed an accelerator, this I decided would be myself , for I planned to run as fast as I could along a fixed route.
The route would be the garden path, it was 20 paving slabs long , just long enough ,any less than this and I would be in big trouble. There was unfortunately a gate at the bottom of the path just at the crucial particle release point , so I used coloured string from the kitchen cupboard to keep it open.
I now needed something to smash my particles against and luckily for me just at the end of my route lay the garage wall, brilliant my plan could now commence.
I prepared in earnest by first adorned my go faster tracky bottoms, my aerodynamic T-shirt and replaced my boots with my super light weight slippers.
The stage was set, I left the house and walked down the garden path casually so as not to draw attention to myself
With particles firmly in my hand and a growing belief that this was a defining mission for all mankind., I started to run only to be confronted with the family cat as it darted across the path , I nearly dropped the particles.
With composure quickly regained and speed building I had time to reflex on how it was a wise choice to run in my slippers.
As I reached maximum speed the letter box pasted as a blur and with the gate in sight, I clenched my fist , drew my arm fully back ready to throw.
I released the particles and my plan gave me litter time in which to seek safety in our kitchen before the particles hit its destination point.
I had made it , my last task before impact was to close the Venetian blinds to protect myself from the blast.
The moment of no return now reached ,I thought of the possible consequence of my experiment and hoped the rest of mankind would be safe.
From my secure position being under the kitchen table, I heard the particles collide with the garage wall , I stayed there long enough for any nasty harmful particles to blow away in a hopefully northly direction.
On venturing outside I discovered a reaction had happened ,a new yet unverified particle had been born, it seemed to have been instantly attracted to my Geraniums, for it had smashed them to bits. The broken pieces of the terracotta pots were evidence that this strange new particle was at loose.
The experiment also cost me dear for in achieving the required speed I had put a hole in my slipper.
Hope its not a black one.

A cute little baby black hole in your slipper?

Awwww!

If you don't want it, may I have it, as a pet>

Thank you for your kind offer

but given the potential Health & Safety risks and Environmental issues

plus i now only have one slipper now , think the other one swallowed it

do you think M&S will refund my one remaining slipper if i use s Black hole as a potential defect

i still have the receipt