h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mangrove swamps were all around,
But Mangrove himself couldn't be found.
I finally found him crouched in a hole.
"Mangrove," I said, "You're a silly soul!"

My wish for this winter that in will be a very snowy one
and that it will be replenished every day with a fresh fall of snow.
That I will be making lots of snowmen which will be lots of fun
and everything that I see will look like a breathtaking winter wonderland show.

The "Old Farmer's Almanac" says
This Winter will not get much praise
From sledders and skiers.
The average appears
To be warmer on most Winter days.

Rain, rain, will you please come back another day.
In the UK it has been the wettest year for 100 years.
When I am stuck in doors trying to learn how to crotchet
but fail miserly even with help from psychics and seers.

Psychics and seers, psychics and seers
Sit in the tavern imbibing their beers.

Psychics and seers, psychics and seers
Can all see the future before it appears;
They know what will happen before it has done so,
Which sounds kinda neat - but isn't much fun, though.

Where are you, Jabs? Did your wok catch fire?
Are you ravaged by age, eaten up with desire?
Writing a poem or playing the lyre?
Won't you post us a line or send us a wire?

Incompetent psychic sits around poaching
Eggs, doesn't see Death approaching.

I want to break free from Sean Cassidy aka The Banshee.
I want to break free from the run of the mill by living on the hill.
I want to break free from the humdrum way of life by living by the sea.
I want to break free from the rat race by writing poetry using a quill.

You can live by the sea if you wish.
The seashore oft smells of dead fish.
At lunch you can dine
To the smell of salt brine,
While seaweed piles up on your dish.

I am over come with a sentimental feeling
when ever I listen to a romantic ballad.
It fills me with turmoil with my mind reeling
that it makes me feel so blue and so very sad.

A sentimental song will make me weep,
A tune that haunts me even as I sleep.
The good old days were bad for some, I know,
But still I miss the days of long ago.

People ask me, "who do you think you are?"
People tell me, "the Ferengi are running our banks."
So I say to them, "I have now become a showbiz star
who's has been in the army driving armoured tanks!"

The Fernengi run the botanical garden,
Full of exotic tropicals.
Ask them for samples, they'll beg your pardon
And say, "try our pharmacopicals."

Commander Data is fluent in an expert in technobabble!
The Vulcan Ambassador Spock has lost his woolen sock!
The Cardi wearing Cardassian has a goose that loves to gabble!
The quintessential cutey Q loves to shock people by listening to rock !

Take me back to the place where I feel that I belong.
Take me back to the land where everything looks grand.
Take me back to the time when I first heard my favourite song.
Take me back to the village colliery band where I gave a helping hand.

If they won't take you back, what'll you do?
Are you in trouble, did somebody sue?
Did some dear one die, did your funds all run out?
Please keep me updated. I;m not fond of doubt.

Be still for the presence of Janet the Gannet.
Be respectful for her ever increasing powers.
Be in awe when she transform paper into granite.
Be attentive when she transports you to her ivory towers.

Ivory Towers was my home.
Twas built for me by a gnome
From a million bars of soap,
Lots of toil, and hope.

I moved in one rainy day.
Ivory Towers washed away.

Come down and bow down to the all mighty Magneto.
He has declared that mutants are all members of the homo superior.
He has stated that those with magical powers are all so very inferior
compared to the gifted mutants who are able to make it snow .