h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

is that a juicedefruitication of our inanity, though?

Where did my nanny come into it?

you have a goat? perhaps you're swiss?

I think we are on a roll, but where are the jokes to go with the pun we are having?

in the pun bin?

Time to hit the sack.

Where's the Pun Bin?

All over the place - Vancouver's its favouurite, then Beijing.

Last night it went on a roll, The roll was not amused and called out public health, who told it that that's what public lavatories are for. Is that short for The Tories?, asked the bin.

No, where's he weelie bin?

Of course, there are those that say Michael Barrymore contributed to his own re-arrest after he gave that impromptu rendition of "We'll meet again" when the police raleased him last time

Glad to have missed that. Are the officers concerned still in therapy? Sowwy, thewapy, awrigh?


Jab


Michael Barrymore, your own non-Oxbridge and non-Public School Tony Blair...you'll die laughing.

Tourist: Excuse me could you direct me to the village of Poxwell.

Local: I dare say.

T: Well do I go down there?

L: I dun know.

T: This way then?

L: Praps.

T: If I were you would I go round that way?

L: I might, then I might nawt.

T: Fat lot of good it is asking you then!!

L: I dare say, but I baint lawst be I.

A woman walks in to the council offices with a five pound note in her left ear and two pound coins in her right ear. The girl behind the counter said to her mate, "who's this", her mate said "oh it's Mrs Joans, she's seven pound in arrears".

The debate at the bar was about the fastest thing.

'Its electricity' says the first 'switch on the light and its instant.'

'I think thought is quicker than that, its just there.'

A lugubrious voice from the corner 'You're both wrong. Its diarrhoea - if I have diarrhoea I don't have time to think or switch on the light.'quick

ha ha

Nice one GA, therefore we can't award a unfortunately.

Jab

Phone answering machine message-"If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key."

Today's Quote for the Day comes from a former Clinton Cabinet member who started assessing George Bush's presidency. "But George Bush has changed," I suggested to him. "For example, now he seems to get Global Warming." The former Clinton Cabinet member started to laugh. "President Bush does NOT get Global Warming," he insisted. "In fact he doesn't even get Evolution."

A man walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The doctor says, "Well I can clearly see you're nuts."

An intellectual joke for all you starved clever types (and it's real starvation at the moment on h2g2 - help! Calling UNICEF! Please?): Jean-Paul Sartre, the noted Existentialist, is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

Que intel ek tiulal?

Our ice-cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police said that he'd topped himself.