h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OW! Ouch! You certainly got me with that one, Grumps.

Jab

P-Doctor, Doctor I've got this terrible groan.

D-You must be joking!
Have you had it before?

P-Yes!

D- Well you've got it again.
Are you a gardener perhaps?

P-Yes!

D-Well you've grew-some.
Was it this big last time?

P- Yes!

D- Well its definitely grown!
You need a shrink.

Enter Groucho S-I think we can wrap this up for you.
That will be $10,000. You can keep the tacks.
Are you into carpets?
Floored you, Eh?
Bored?
Say Ah!

P-Groan

S-Now again towards the ceiling.

P-Groan.

S-Good, I knew you would be groan up about this. Try coughing up instead. Make it cash, I have a flow problem - she is demanding and the sink leaks. Good morning.

P-Am I cured?

D-Not quite, go home and have a bacon sandwich.

Doctor Doctor I think I'm a Wall
Don't worry there a steps we can take to get you over it.


Doctor Doctor I think I'm a twelve inch ruler
Don't worry I'll take measures to get you better.....I'll start with your foot


Doctor Doctor I'm feeling all left
Nonsense, you look alright to me


Doctor Doctor I think I'm a Cream Trifle, is there any cures
Yes, theres hundreds and thousands

I hope my jokes meet to a high groan standard

Certainly do.

Doctor Doctor I have this compulsion to go to Paris and swim in the river.


You must be going insane.

Sorry doctor I meant Eygpt.

That's normal you will be in denial.

Doctor, nobody takes any notice of me.

(D) Yes, no milk and two lumps please.

Two brooms in the same cupboard decided to get married. Before the final decision however, the bride-broom asked the groom-broom if she was 'pure'.The bride-broom reassured him, telling her that she'd never swept around.

I hope she never gives him the brush off!!!! I don't know how he would handle that.

I bet she was swept away with love and passion...

She was bristling with passion when she returned from ADDIS Ababba!

(Do you recall Addis products? If so, you'll get the pun.)

Addis are still going,I think.

Anyway she thought he was rather swish and he was fond of large besoms.

She was always one never to mop(e).

They were fine till he became swill - they took a swab, but he eventually kicked the bucket.

Have we lost sight of the second word in the heading? Just asking,


Jab (smiley)


My dog's got no nose

How does he smell?

F-ing terrinle


[If this is axed, you all know the answer anyway]

My wife's gone to the West Indies.

Tobago?

No, she went on her own.

Jamaica?

No, it was her own decision.

Costa Rica?

No, it was a special offer.

Still Costa Packet though, I bet.

Guyana?
I didn't realise she was transsexual

Congo, no he couldn't get the time off work