h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Morning chums

(Jack Nicholson impression): You want the rules of MC? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE RULES OF MC!!

(Back to normal voice) (High pitched and sort of whiney): Okay if you insist....Here follows the Rules OF Mornington Crescent distilled from "The Little Book Of Mornington Crescent" which was very kindly sent to me for Christmas by Her Scarlet Chelseaness;

"THE BOARD AND PIECES
On opening the brightly but helpfully decorated box, you will find nestling inside it it the Board, the Pieces and a Booklet.
The Board has four edges: Topside, Rightbottom, Leftbottom and Wing. Arrange the Board so that the Topside faces the Dealer, if there happens to be one present. The square playing surface is divided into a grid consisting of 83 identical squares. (As squares 66, 13, 47 and 49 are only used during Advanced Shunts, they are almost invariably ignored)
The six enamelled Bakelite Pieces are in the form of: one dachsund, one catapult, one bishop, one Aga oven and two potatoes. This is the correct order, unless Hopkins' Constrictions are applied. Each piece has a value of 0.27p.
The Booklet contains some hints on pronounciation, "Appendix A" and a list of recommended snacks for the Long Game.

"Generally speaking the Board, Pieces and Booklet will only serve to confuse the players and are best discarded at this stage. Please, as always, dispose of them thoughtfully. Once they are out of the way.....you are ready to play Mornington Crescent"


Now if you are good boys and girls, Uncle Peter will go on to explain the rules concerning Teams, Captains (and other ranks), Territories, etc, later this morning after I've had a lie down and a puff on my opium pipe.

Any questions?



peter

Got it but haven't read it yet Doc!

Am stuck in the middle of swatting for a Maths exam at end of this month...

Morning all.

Re MC-H rules: Peter Lovegloves is not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

Nightmare!

How come you're doing a maths exam Bushy? I thought you were a bit old for GCSEs?

Thanks for the explanation, Peter. I was playing just now when an opponent responded to my call of "Golders Green" with "Plaistow". No way is that fair, surely?

Depends what rules you're playing under Doc: if you can double on alliterative stations, it's all right (and quite clever actually).

Hmmmmm. Either the 5Live MB is really, really slow today or I've been pre-modded. I'll assume the former as a) I haven't had an e-mail, and b) Why would anyone pre-mod little ol' me?

Anyone else having problems?

Pat you ! Even I know that you can't double if the station is in the first half of the alphabet!

Bored bored bored . And now half a dozen posts to 5lite have disappeared too.

There now. Pat's getting the idea! (I like this rainbow smiley)

Okay, to continue....

"The Teams.
Each side consists of two to 13 teams, of at least one player each.

The Captains (and Other Ranks)
The Team Captain is selected by throwing a dice - whoever it hits is the chosen Leader. The Captain then appoints the Lieutenants, Petty Officers, Senior Conductors and so forth. This depends, of course, on the size of the teams. For example, very short players make poor Sergeants. You will soon get the hang of this.

Territories
No team of more than two players is allowed to declare Territories, and this applies to two or fewer players as well.

Clothing
Clothing should be comfortable and smart, especially the skirt or trousers. It is important that sleeves and socks should not restrict gestures. Hats are permitted - but only one per head.

The Opening
Once all players are posion according to the Constantine Deployment.....you are ready to play Mornington Crescent!"

Well, that's enough for now. I've got to stop because it's time for me to go out an see if I've still got a life

Call me if you have any questions.



peter

Doc, Pat knows what he's doing. Leave him alone and make you move. (Remember no triangulations when you're in Nid)

I'm doing a degree in Physics with OU. Never too old to learn Doc!!

Doc,

Good use of the smiley! I was going to use it to you yesterday when you were having difficulty with working the smilies, but thought it might inflame the situation.

PS: Don't forget, that if you're playing the "double on aliteration" rules, the alphabet works backwards: I think you may have left that out of your reckoning.

D'oh!

OK, so what would your next move may be...as an amateur whose only used to playing by the Dickie Davies Special Edition rules, I'm tempted to go for Manor House...but what if he counts my consonants?

Sorry...that should have been "who's"...absolutely unforgivable.

A Pedant Writes:

And there should be an apostrophe at the end of "Davies" if they are his rules and its therefore possessive.

I'd go for Euston, because as it has the same number as vowels as consonants, you're fully protected and he can't get to the Bakerloo Line from there.

PS: I'm not correcting punctuation again, at least until I can tell "it's" from "its".

Bad Pat, naughty Pat, in your bed.

Ah, but Patrick, they were not Dickie Davies' rules, but named after the twinkly-eyed Pringle wearer in celebration of his 12,000th journey between Perivale and White City to make "World of Sport".

PS - I plumped for Grange Hill in the end, which means my opponent cannot now opt for any station which has a slightly smutty double meaning!

COBBLERS!! The noddyrators are wiping the 5Lite News Board for no reason... What's going on?

Dickie Davis had interesting hair I always thought ...

I think the mods are launching a pogrom against anyone they suspect of using humour.

Doc,

I suppose that means your opponent can't play Cockfosters or Crouch End then?