h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do afghan hounds get their name
Because their coats resemble afghans?
No, silly me! The place they came
From is full of Afganistanians.

Where have all the toilet rolls gone?
It has been long time passing
since Ron and Don who left to go to the salon
instead of the supermarkets were crowds where massing.

Oh, when they ever learn not to panic buy
and stop stockpiling on toilet rolls and pasta.
It was started by some guy who had the last pie
who along with his friends and family who had emptied Costa.

Where have all the toilet rolls gone?
It has been long time passing
since Ron and Don who left to go to the salon
instead of the supermarkets were crowds where massing.

Oh, when will they ever learn not to panic buy
and stop stockpiling on toilet rolls and pasta.
It was started by some guy who had the last pie
who along with his friends and family who had emptied Costa.

[I know this is really your thread.
Your stockpiling thoughts turned my head.
Toilet paper? Gee!
I shall wait and see
What next you will put here instead.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
at the home of a country squire.
He was beginning to snooze and doze
After writing a story that’s filled with prose.

Harry woke up when he heard the doorbell ring
As he heard voices that began to sing.
He opened the door to see the village choir
along with a Franciscan nun and friar.

Harry invited the carol singers in for mulled wine
and dine on fine food that will be served before 9.
Harry’s cat and dog greeted their guests
where the choir listened to his humorous quips and jests.

I had a sudden fright in the middle of the night
when I tripped over my box kite and a knight.
The knight was singing a contemporary song
about the joys of wearing a sarong when playing mah-jong.
The knight changed his tune about his right to have a fight
with a sprite who was feeling uptight about getting frostbite.
I asked the knight what was he thinking about drinking drought stout
with trout and sauerkraut as it will give him gout.

Thank you Paul for your very lovely poetry
as it fills me with glee and makes me feel carefree.
The words and phrases are written with much thought
as it helps me when I am feeling stressed and fraught.
It helps me relax and unwind and take one day at a time
as I listen to the clocks chime when I am feeling at my prime.

Thank you Dmitri

There is only Scots pine fir!
One Scots pine fir and larkspur!
We're are all walking along
wearing our satin and silk sarong.
We will be all singing this song
to help us feel happy and strong.

We will be walking in a winter wonderland
with the Rio Grande jazz brass band.
Now everything will become grand
when we are doing our hand stand
As we look to see how it gets panned
with the musicians that all are well tanned.

Do you hear what I hear?
Do you see what I see?
There will be lots of cheer
with the arrival of the oak tree.
Do you walk where I walk?
Do you wink like I wink?
Do you talk like I talk?
Do you think like I think?
We will walk to the woodland forest
and the mountainside nature reserve.
We will be having a rest with the best
and eating scones filled with the best fruit conserve.
There will be a talk about the best ways of growing fruits
and how to maintain a wildlife friendly garden.
There's a pond that will attract frogs, toads and newts
with toad habitat, and a hogilow along with a dead wood den.
We will wink when by the pond made of a butler sink
as we make a psychic link by having a real cider drink.

Thank you

Dashing through the snow
in an one horse open sleigh.
On the way to a wintery show
where there's a soiree.
O'er the fields we go
laughing all the way.
Passing over the meadow
where there's a blue jay.

Bells on bob tail's ring
making spirits bright.
As we merrily sing
all through the night.
What a fun it is to laugh
and sing a sleighing song.
As we ride past the Shepherd's staff
tavern as the village's clock gongs.

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
jingle all the way.
Passing past frozen wishing wells
and the convent where the nuns pray.
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in an one horse open sleigh.
Where the moon and stars are our guide
that guides us to the home of the ex military padre.

[I don't know if you have your computer hooked up to speakers, but if you do, here's a link to a one-man quartet, with an appropriate soundtrack for your poem
jingle bells
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4P5s0Gf510]

Christmases past, in memory shine.
We think of them as now we pine
For a celebration that's now diminished.
We won't get them back 'til this virus is finished.

Thank you Paul for the very beautiful and lovely poem as well the link to YouTune.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know.
Snow covers all of the lawn grass
when I am merrily playing the banjo.

I see the tree tops gleam
as the children play and tune in.
In this winter wonderland dream
where I hear a person playing a violin.

To hear sleigh bells in the snow
and the laughter of people.
I will be going across the meadow
to the ancient village church with a steeple.

I'm dreaming of a white Yule
with every Christmas card I write.
There will be plenty of Boodle’s orange fool
that will fill everyone with delight.

May your days be merry and bright
And may all, your Christmases be white.
Everything will turn out all right
with carols sung in the church at midnight.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know.
I would look through the window glass
And watch the snow flow and blow.

Where the tree tops gleam
and children entertain.
In this winter wonderland dream
where they sing about the Christmas train.

To hear sleigh bells in the snow
when I’m dreaming of a white Yuletide.
Wearing a chapeau when looking at a snow bow
and taking everything in my stride.

[I have a link for White Christmas too -- a goofy video, at that.
white christmas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAAI5I4gFno ]

[and here's Winter wonderland, with an artistic touch:
winter wonderland
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV8kleyuo-4&list=RD5jLKvsXO8ls&index=7

Thank you Paul for the YouTube links


The fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine.
The fog spreads over all the town.
I think I will wait at the bus stop for bus 9
where it will take me to the shop to buy a nightgown.

I walked by the river bank as I wonder
what will it be like to go back to the sixties.
I wondered what happened to the thunder
and lightning we used to get with stormy days.

The dying days of autumn in late November,
where there is widespread frost and fog.
This is when I remember the dying embers
of home fires when I was with Grandad and Nanna Hogg.

[There are lots more links where those came from. I spent five hours listening to Youtube videos yesterday evening. A bit much, but at least I was fully engaged in something Good. ]