h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Rocking around the Christmas tree
at the Yuletide party hop.
That fills all with glee
when they are wearing their favourite top.

Mistletoe hung from the ceiling
where couples come to kiss.
They get that sentimental feeling
that fills them with never-ending bliss.

Later on, we'll be having mince pies
and we'll be doing some carolling.
Some of the guests will come in disguise
which will be quite enthralling.

Have a happy holiday,
where everyone dances merrily
in a good old-fashioned way at the soiree.
We're all are beginning to feel joyful and carefree.

Voices singing Let's be jolly
whilst others are dancing and prancing.
So go and deck the halls with Holly,
while lovers are romancing.

Doctor Victor Doom is in the room
banishing all sadness and gloom.
Magneto with his magnetic personality
and his superpowered originality.
En Sabah Nur is obsessed with psychics
who he kidnaps, for them to perform magic tricks.
Along with Sinistre who's obsessed with superpowered genetics
and getting the perfect mutant with perfect aesthetics.

January is sick and tired
of Rick being rewired.
He has been hanging on me
when making me sad with his eyes.
It happens during afternoon tea
when passing the raspberry pies.
You have been telling me lies,
don't go, don't go.
Please tell me where are my ties
and when will it ever snow?

January please be cold
and please bring copious amounts of snow.
Could you teach me how to bold
and make the North and Easterly winds blow?
Don't make me angry at me,
you make me sad, so come and see me by the sea.
So please inspire me to plant a hazel tree
and teach me to be worry free and carefree.

Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive

At first, I was delayed, I was boss-eyed,
I tried to build a banana slide
I spent so many nights thinking about how to write a song
So, I grew my long hair and learned how to play ping-pong

[Verse 1]
And so you're Jack, you’re a space ace
when you were covered in lace.
I’d wear my hood when travelling to the Ness Loch
where I taught you how to water ski
and promises of afternoon tea.

[Pre-Chorus]
Drop down on the floor and become a bore.
Just turn around now, and go back to Andor.
Didn’t you sigh when putting on a bow tie?
Did you think I made fruit crumble and apple pie?

[Chorus]
Oh no, not I, I will join the Borg Hive.
Oh, as long as I know how to make a glove and crash-drive.
I've got to format my hard drive and grow endive.
And I'll make a high-five and I’ll learn how to jive.

[Verse 2]
It took all my strength to push my go-cart
just trying hard to draw my pie chart.
I used to sigh when making raspberry pie
when I spent so many nights putting up a shelf.
You see me wearing one shoe
when I'm having fun with Pru and Hugh.
You felt like making such a fuss when planting an oak tree.
Now I'm going to live by the sea.

[Pre-Chorus]
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now, and go to the store.
Weren't you the one who wanted to move to Skye?
were I’d make rhubarb crumble and learn how to fly.

[Chorus]
Oh no, not I, will join the Borg Hive.
As long as I know how to make a glove and crash-drive.
I've got to format my hard drive and grow endive.
And I'll make a high-five and learn how to jive.

[Verse 1]
And so you're Jack, you're a space ace
when you were covered in lace.
I'd wear my hood when travelling to Ness Loch
where I taught you how to water ski
and promises of afternoon tea.

[Pre-Chorus]
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now, and go to the store.
Weren't you the one who wanted to move to Skye?
were I'd make rhubarb crumble and learn how to fly.

[Chorus]
Oh no, not I, I will join the Borg Hive.
Oh, as long as I know how to make a glove and crash-drive.
I've got to format my hard drive and grow endive.
And I'll make a high-five and I'll learn how to jive.

It does not really matter
when the rain goes pitter-patter.
Just go to the hatter
who's making pancake batter.

Please don't worry
as there is no need to hurry.
You'll soon see a snow flurry
when Ruby Sunday visits Surrey.

At first, I was petrified
whenever you got me tongue-tied.
I spent so many nights
wishing I had second sight.
Looking back on how you did me wrong
whenever I heard our song.

And so, you're back Jack
with that sad look on your face.
You come wearing your old Mac
saying you've been in Outer Space.

I should have changed the front door's lock
or asked you to leave your key.
I'll be listening to the music of J S Bach
while I'll be making toffee flavoured coffee.

Trout-shaped mice are twice as nice
especially when eaten with wild fried rice.
A guinea fowl bird is only worth a third
when eaten with lemon curd.
I know it sounds quite absurd
but you don't have to believe a word.

I very much doubt that you lie.
You are just as honest as I.
My strange explanation:
Your imagination
Is flying as high as the sky

like a kite flying high
way up in the sky
will cost you a puff
(for bob's sake don't cough!)
remember me
to paul, peter, mary
and who else you may see
in the land honah lee

I fly like a bird in the sky.
I float like a butterfly.
I end up in the exosphere
which fills me with cheer.
Floating in outer space
where I don't need to race.
It's so calm and peaceful
and so beautiful.

Right about now, there's a cow with a sow.
Right about now, Joe West is riding a landau.
Check it out now, Bilbo Baggins has become highbrow.
Check it out now, Aviemore has its snow plough.

Check it out now, the Funk Soul Brother.
Check it out now, the Funk Soul Mother.
Check it out now, the Funk Soul sister.
Check it out now, the Funk Soul Mister.

Right about now, I will be sailing on the lough.
Right about now, I will be sitting on a tree bough.
Right about now, I will be learning the ways of Tao.
Right about now, I will gain the necessary know-how.

I have got a funny feeling
that I have been dancing on the ceiling.
It happens whenever I have been double-dealing
in new ways of physical and spiritual healing.

Hearing the sounds of the roar of the sea
with my bedroom window open at night.
It fills me with much joy and glee
and it makes such a wondrous sight.

I go back to bed to sleep
soothed by the sea waves lapping onto the shore.
I dream of seeing lambs and sheep leap
and listen to a shepherd talk about weatherlore.

Take a hike to Hawick.
Take a bike to the Flicks.
Take a pike to Spike.
Take a mic to Mike.

Everybody is thinking about new ways of winking.
Everybody is drinking whenever they are shrinking.
Everybody is talking about new ways of walking.
Everybody is flocking to find new ways of chalking.
Everybody is rocking to find new ways of unlocking.
Everybody is gawking whenever they hear anyone knocking.