h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Go with the flow with Joe.
Go on a fun run with a nun.
Go slow when playing the banjo.
Go and eat a hot cross bun in the sun.
Go to work on an egg with Meg.
Go to the beach to preach.
Go and buy an oak cast keg.
Go and eat a peach when making a speech.

I'm hurt, there was a secret chore
I had to do (to sweep the floor)
and vaccum cleaning would have blown my cover.
I did it once, I did it twice
I cleaned the floor off all the rice
the wedding guests had thrown after the lovers
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
the wedding guests had thrown after the lovers

A wedding's a joyous affair.
The cake can be lighter than air.
The guests laugh and shout
Til the vodka runs out.
The honeymoon? Cabin in Eau Claire.

The wedding of Wolverine and Bub

Wolverine and Bub are going to get wed
in June in the Asgard forest.
The best men will be Agent Bob and Ned
who will be well dressed and thrice blessed.

The guests will be the Avengers and the X-men
and Hydra members who will be incognito.
The wedding will start with a song thrush and a wren
singing in a willow tree that makes a wondrous show.

A wolverine married a rhino.
(An odd combination, yes, I know).
The best man? A fox.
The audience? Some hawks.
The minister? Some fine albino.

I'll sing myself to sleep
A song from the darkest hour.
I dream about owning my own jeep
and being bestowed with a new superpower.

Secret's that I cannot keep
inside of a day.
My thoughts go very deep
filled with memories about Broadway.

Extremes of sweet and sour,
I hope that the deities exist.
So, I go and climb the ivy tower
to reach my secret tryst.

I am drawn by the underflow
as my life goes out of control.
So, I go and lie low
to hide from the sentinel patrol.

I pray for a sign of hope
that will be sent from above.
I will then go and increase my scope
to show me my one and only true love.

I married a celery stalk,
And moved to a place in New York.
My neighbors were gay.
They were writing a play.
When I walked with my spouse, folks would gawk.

Have you seen the well to do?
Up and down Berkeley Square
you will see a nightingale called Sue
who sings on a wing and a prayer.

On the famous Mayfair streets
with their noses in the air.
They have the best opera seats
where they sit on antique chairs.

High hats and narrow collars
white spats and gold guineas.
Some of them astute scholars
who wear designer minis.

They have the best connections
with nobility and royalty.
They have their own art collections
which they bought from a marquis.

I am going to have a walk to the park
with Mark and Douglas Hugh.
It is going to be a gads and a lark
when we sit down on a makeshift pew.

I do not know why we love to eat shepherd's pie?
I do not know why we won't to run in reverse?
I do not know why the there is always a cloudy sky?
I do not know the meaning of life in the multiverse?

All I want to do is jive with Clive of the Borg hive.
All I want to do is live in the Scottish burgh of Aviemore.
I will have my retro Sinclair C5 parked in my drive.
I have a covered porch which has an antique front door.

I am going to have a walk to the park
with Mark and Douglas Hugh.
It is going to be a gas and a lark
when we sit down on a makeshift pew.

I do not know why we love to eat shepherd's pie?
I do not know why we won't to run in reverse?
I do not know why the there is always a cloudy sky?
I do not know the meaning of life in the multiverse?

All I want to do is jive with Clive of the Borg hive.
All I want to do is live in the Scottish burgh of Aviemore.
I will have my retro Sinclair C5 parked in my drive.
I have a covered porch which has an antique front door.

I am going to have a walk to the park
with Mark and Douglas Hugh.
It is going to be a gas and a lark
when we sit down on a makeshift pew.

I do not know why we love to eat shepherd's pie?
I do not know why we won't run in reverse?
I do not know why the there is always a cloudy sky?
I do not know the meaning of life in the multiverse?

All I want to do is jive with Clive of the Borg hive.
All I want to do is live in the Scottish burgh of Aviemore.
I will have my retro Sinclair C5 parked in my drive.
I have a covered porch which has an antique front door.

A boy went back to Napoli because he missed the scenery.
Here is where the native dances and the charming songs.
So, go and visit the town dean at the deanery,
where they write all the rights and the wrongs.

Hey mambo, mambo Italiano
Go and dance the mambo in Sicily.
See a theatre show with your friend Joe
and have a shopping spree by the sea.

Try enchilada with a fish baccala with Deadpool
who wants to learn how to dance the tarantella.
Deadpool is the most cool dude at the swimming pool
who is underneath a sun umbrella next to a fellah.

Ha, ha, I am the ubiquitous Agent Sinclair,
the master of disguise and covertness.
So come and look at my style and flare
as I am a member of the noblesse.

Just look the way I talk and walk,
as I strut my stuff.
I walk around the neighbourhood block
when I am feeling tough.

They seek me there and seek me everywhere
as they look for me in Heaven or in Hades.
They search me in the village square
as well as the town's parade and at the Florida Glades.

I'm tired of Winter and cold.
Arthritis attacks me (I'm old).
I wish I were young.
By age I've been stung.
The plus side? I'm wise, I've been told.

Maude said to Rod, have you been abroad?
Did you drive in your Ford to Belgrade?
Did you have pernod with your battered cod?
Did your neighbours applaud your ornate facade?

Maude will you about your last holiday in Crete?
Rod have you been browbeat on the high street?
Maude have you become member of the Pete elite?
Rod do you sit on your garden seat watching the sleet?

Tweet on twitter about your favourite best bitter.
Tweet about being the fast knitter and how to keep fitter.
Tweet about making pineapple fritters and 70's fashion glitter.
Tweet about the pet sitter who is a baseball hitter.

I got lost in the dark when having a lark.
I got distracted by the rime and the frost.
I met Tony Stark who was with his friend Mark.
I asked them if the knew the date of Pentecost.

Tony Stark parked his high tech van
which is the envy of Batman.
Quicksilver and The Flash arrive,
they both thrive by having a dive.

Maude said to Rod, have you been abroad?
Did you drive in your Ford to Belgrade?
Did you have a pernod with your battered cod?
Did your neighbours applaud your ornate facade?

Maude will you talk about your last holiday in Crete?
Rod have you been browbeat on the high street?
Maude have you become member of the Pete elite?
Rod do you sit on your garden seat while watching the sleet?

Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart.
My guidance will come from above
It will guide me as I place you in my barrow cart.

Baby, baby I'm aware of where you go.
Each time you leave my door
with my banjo and my bandeau
on the way to the lake-shore.

I watch you walk down the street
Knowing your other love you'll meet.
You’re always covered with a bed sheet
as you attend the mutant meet and greet.

But this time before you run to her
Leaving me alone and hurt.
Just because she has her own chauffeur
and living in a castle with its own turret.

(Think it over) After I've been good to you?
(Wink at Rover) the laughter at seeing you in a hood, Hugh!
After I've been sweet to you by building you a garden seat.
I turn sleet into snow and I have created for you a nature retreat.

I've known of your secluded nights.
I've even seen her maybe once or twice.
You were both dressed as Jedi knights
where both of you sing about edelweiss.

But is her sweet expression
Worth more than my love and affection?
Is it because she joins with you in a jamming session?
Does it include guided meditation and introspection?

But this time before you leave my arms
And rush of to her charms.
Is it because she owns so many farms,
and her home has many smoke and fire alarms?

I've tried so hard, hard to be accommodating.
Hoping you'd stop this infatuation.
Is it because she is an expert in dancing and skating?
Is it because of her new fixation of helping you find your true vocation?


But each time you are together
I'm so afraid I'll be losing you forever.
Every morning you gather lavender and heather.
You tell me it is your life’s endeavour.

Dave has a fave football save
and he can be very brave.
Dave lives with a bear in a cave
who takes part in a Mexican wave.
It is where he has a weekly rave.
He has a conclave down the nave
where he waves at the Margrave.
Dave works at the plane and the lathe
while watching the tidal wave
when having a close shave with a knave.