h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Donald Huey eats chops suey
while watching Hong Kong phooey.
Lipstick burning, mystic turning,
lipstick churning, mystic yearning.
Ooh goes Hugh the gnu playing the kazoo
at his debut at Cobalt Blue's barbecue.

It keeps on raining, here in Thurrock
which keeps on missing our area.
If it came, it would be quite a shock
which will cause a lot of snow hysteria.

There is a barrier stopping the snow
to fall over Thurrock and Havering.
The snow stops at the M4 plateau
but it might appear at the start of spring.

The snow and the rain and the hail
Are making me look rather pale.
In all kinds of weather
We should stick together,
And nibble on cabbage and kale.

Has anybody seen Bub?
He's the friend of Wolverine
who's found in the local pub
singing "the dancing queen'.

No-one knows what Bub looks like
as he is always out of sight.
People can hear him riding a motorbike
in the middle of the night.

A wolverine lives in my shed.
He has a spectacular head,
With long pointed horns,
And cute little thorns.
He eats cold spaghetti in bed.

Do you want to build a snowman?
Do you want to build it now?
Do you have a plan?
Do you have the necessary know how?

Do you want to play in the snow?
Do you want to join with me?
Do you want to celebrate this winter show?
Do you want to go on a skiing shopping spree?

It's cold, and I want to stay warm.
I'll take any port in a storm.
When Spring breezes blow,
Outside I will go,
To revert to my usual form.

Let the wind flow
Let it flow, let it glow.
Let it glow, let it grow.
Let the snow make a show.

I don't care what the others say.
The cold does not affect me.
Even when my thoughts go astray
when having a cup of tea.

The snow will begin to pile up
as the snow gathers on the hill.
This will be scooped up in a cup
as I begin to chill eating krill swill.

Can't touch this.
Can't touch that.
Can't touch a kiss
Can't touch the bat.
Can't sit down.
Can't sit up.
Can't frown at the clown.
Can't say yup to the pup that sups.

My name is ?
My name is Fritz the Whiz.
My aim is take part in a quiz.
My aim is to change my name to Liz.

My name is, what?
My name is, who?
My name is Doughnut!
My name is Hugh Sue!

Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin.
Pack with my pup, pack in the din, let me grin.
I came to win, I came to play the violin.
Battle with me, when I am arguing myself.
Come with your rolling pin and the elf on the shelf.
I won't ever slack up, Bub you'd better back up
I won't ever catch up with those who love to sup.
My hair won't be decorated with a daisy and buttercup.
Try and play the role and yo the whole crew'll act up
Get up, stand up (c'mon!) see'mon throw your hands down.
Try to go to the cafe when I am having a stroll to the mole.
I will going down to town in my best long flowing satin and silk gown.
The mole will join us with foal when dancing around the maypole.
If you've got the feeling, jump across the ceiling.
Wolverine and Deadpool will lift up weights, when someone's talking junk.
They will be both dancing on the ceiling, when they're reeling and dealing.
I will keep on collecting figs and dates which will be served on plates.
I am thinking of becoming a monk that never has been blind drunk.
I bust him in the eye, and then I'll take on Gambit's hoe.
Feeling cool and hip, amps in the trunk and I got more rhymes.
Joe will be going with the flow and shout yo to the bro who's on the go.
Than there's the police officers shopping at a Dunkin' Donuts shop.
I will be showing my assorted tat, I got props and to go on the hop.
From the kids on the hill plus my mam and my dad who knows the latest fad.
Brad will join us, as he was quite a lad when being rad about his new tartan plaid.
I came to get down, I came to get down with the clown that loves to frown.
So get out your seat and jump around as I try to lift off and fly to the sky.
We'll be able to join crowd when being visited by the local toff called Clough.

This weekend my pipes may well freeze.
The thought makes me weak in my knees.
Oh, what will I do
In this terrible stew?
I will probably not go on skis.

Finally, it happened to me
when I was having a cup of tea.
It happened right front of my face
when I found myself in outer space.
And, I cannot hide it
that I am having to improve my humour and grit.
I having another boring romance
as I prance and dance about my holiday in France.
Meeting Mister Right who was having a fight
with a Jedi Knight in the middle of the night.
He is the man of my dreams
who makes the tastiest of ice creams.
The one who shows me true love
from above by wearing one glove, when push comes to shove.
He has brown soft cocoa skin and black curly hair
who makes me grin when he gave me a giant teddy bear.
It is just the way he looks at me,
whenever we are walking by the sea or visiting Dundee.
He has that loving gentle stare with his style and his flare
as he walks down the stairs to begin morning prayer at the village square.

Finally, it happened to me
when I was having a cup of tea.
It happened right front of my face
when I found myself in outer space.
And, I cannot hide it
that I am having to improve my humour and grit.
I am having another boring romance
as I prance and dance about my holiday in France.
Meeting Mister Right who was having a fight
with a Jedi Knight in the middle of the night.
He is the man of my dreams
who makes the tastiest of ice creams.
The one who shows me true love
from above by wearing one glove, when push comes to shove.
He has brown soft cocoa skin and black curly hair
who makes me grin when he gave me a giant teddy bear.
It is just the way he looks at me,
whenever we are walking by the sea or visiting Dundee.
He has that loving gentle stare with his style and his flare
as he walks down the stairs to begin morning prayer at the village square.

True love is nice if you find it.
If it came to me, I'd not mind it.
But nevertheless
My life is a mess,
An eight ball is here. I'm behind it.

It's not unusual to be loved anyone.
It's not unusual to have fun in the sun.
It's not unusual to love Don and Ron.
It's not unusual to go on a fun run.
It's not unusual to see me cry
after I chopped onions and chives.
I am always on the fly when eating pie
when I will be doing several high fives.

I have been to hell and back
with Jack and his sack.
I am a natural born fighter
and have been rewarded with a bishop's mitre.
I am built like a Jedi warrior and a champion worrier
who works as a high flying executive courier.
Nothing is going to tear me down,
not even the circus clown wearing a maxi ball gown.
I have got the soul of a solider, who keeps on going
even when the North East winds are blowing.
I have got the heart of a winner and a sinner
when I am eating my dinner to try and get thinner.
I am built like a champion with my rifle gun's tampion
and in my garden I am growing rampion and rose campion.

The groundhog says Winter will linger.
I'd like to give winter the finger.
In old Punxsatawney
The groundhogs are brawny.
ot one is a useful harbinger.

I have just come from the Isle of Lewis
to go where the snow falls in Aviemore.
There is where I drink wine filled with fizz
bought from a grocery store with a revolving door.

Through the streets in my tartan kilt I go.
As I walk to the cafe run by Henri and Renee
who are going with the flow with Joe and Mo
chasing a dancing sentient toupee called Rey.

All the lasses that I meet, say hello
Donald where are your tartan plaid trews from Hughes.
Why aren't you with your dog, on the way to mow a meadow
where you will collect a crate of booze and 4 snooker cues.

The world is a beautiful place,
But please let me have my own space.
I would like my life
To be free from strife,
And go at a reasonable pace.

Where having an illegal party with Marty
which is being organised by the hale and hearty.
We will be dancing around purses and handbags
while the Merc without a merc drives in his jags.
Donald Huey will be come in eating chop suey
while streaming videos of Hong Kong Phooey.