h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I dropped round, there was no sign of you, just a rolled up copy of Whizzer and Chips, an empty box which once contained mini chedders and half a dozen crucified donkeys wearing bermuda shorts.

What's that all about away?

I was out in your former 'hood on Friday night. Well the Borough of Hackney anyway, a bit more specifically one might call it Shoreditch or even the edge of Hoxton Square. Some call it Old Street but they are just ignorant fools and sinners (and no doubt cross-dressers too).

Yes but where were you yeesterday?Your subject is patently ludicrous one might as well pick up 1988 Phillips road atlas and say 'Its Newcassle,mon,not Newcarsel'Next thing you'll be pleading for regional assemblies!

I think you'll find it's more like kkkarrrrrrrrrrnnnwaaaaaaaaaaarrrllll

I could pop into the London Borough of Hackney if I so desired it would take me a grand total of 3 minutes from desk to hell-hole.

Liam.

Have either of you had your name analysed yet.I'll send you the a number when I find it. Whoever it was said I might secretly wish to blow my own trumpet in real life,and that maybe my life was dull and uninteresting....

>I might secretly wish to blow my own trumpet<

Are you a bloke in disguise? Aside from lesbian twins that's the top fant... I'll stop there.

Liam.

Thats me nothing stated just hinted at.I had a message from the Mexican this morning.He was horribly arrogant about Chelsea's continued success as if he'd supported them for years instead of coming over here just a year ago.Luckily he's being sent down to Plymouth next so there is some justice in this world.

Oggy oggy oggy etc. etc.

Oooh, can you see the courgette/dildo/whatever building. It's great!

Kournnnnnnnwweeeeeeelllllllllllll. That's how you speak, innit. You get me?

I imagine the courgette question was for Spanki.I have only seen it in a sunday suppplement.Its isn't a shape I would gladly accomodate but each to their own.

Why do you crucify donkeys LL?? It's not very nice.

Have you worked out where I'm from yet? It's like a bloody awful riddle...


my first is in bonnet but not under clouds
my second is in stilton but not between rounds
my third is of nature and also contains towels
my fourth...

Yup - I can see the great glass c*ck from here. *rewrites christmas list with "bunny - Ann Summers" under Lady L's name*

Liam.

The fruits of my John Leslie-inspired research have come to fruition in the form of my latest article John Leslie - A Varied Career A896312

What do you think of it?

Do you want my effing trumpet or what?I've just come through blinding snow and a barrage of ice thrown by year sevens,give me a second.

You're just jealous that you haven't been able to write an article about JL to my giddy standards!

How was the play thingy? I trust it was kids dressed as sheep and Away In A Manger for an hour or so.

<smiley type="angel"/> and if that doesn't come up then try this <smiley type="baby jesus"/>. Yes it was but give me some more clues as to where you live.Difficult ones of course,when my brain isn't working hard I behave very badly...

Search for a Mr William Leif Robinson (I believe that is correct) and you may find an event in his life which hints at a location...

Alternatively it is a Garden City which never got built, 8 houses and a station in they scrapped the plans to make it like Letchworth and Welwyn and left it as the rural idyll that it surely isn't.

I'm going home in ten minutes so if you have anything you want to tell me you better be quick. Oh my god its so dark!!!!

Do I have something to tell you?
OK then, I'm wearing my granddaughter's underwear.

You did ask. Have you worked it out yet?

No, my brain just don't want to think anymore.See you tomorrow,though.

Peace and love and good will to all, except the people of Chad.

What the blinkin blimey are you up to? In West Country parlance 'are you hanging round with them there janner b******s from Swilley? E's a Swilley boy? What the 'ell d'you think you're doin? You muss be madd!'

I'm bored, so bored. I start a new job tomorrow and I won't be able to post as regularly, I begin training the PG Tips monkeys for their own feature film version of Lady Chatterley's Lover. I've just got to stop their incessant rutting and I'll be halfway to making the film. PS lend me a grand, I want to go to Iceland for New Years. Go on. Oh pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssse!