Journal Entries
Thursday May 23rd
Posted May 24, 2002
Went furra wander aroon' ra East End tae get some nice pics a yon multiple urban deprivation stuff afore they try in ban it, when awyasuddin three fighters roart ooerheid.
"F**k me", ah thoat, in hid a quick shifty tae see thirr wur nae Canadian flags anywherr near me. Then ah came tae ma senses, "Whit wid rae waant tae bomb ra east end fur? It wid only be fur wanna yon environmental improvements schemes, inra coonsil's no gonny waste good money oanrat when they could be pittin' ra dosh tae good use, sendin' oot thoosands a letters sayin' ye hudnae paid yer Coonsil tax."
It turnt oot thirr wis some Queen or other stoatin' aboot inra toon. Ra papers keep tellin' us how her faimily loves ra east end, but ah never saw her inra Tavern in Tollcroas Road even tho therr's a noose kept specially fur her, inna wid take money fae any c**t rit she's no stayin' inra Bellgrove Hotel.
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Latest reply: May 24, 2002
Tuesday May 21st
Posted May 24, 2002
Ah've bin sterrin' itra wee lucky talisman sheep keyring wundrin' whit tae dae wi' it fur ooer a week noo. Decidit it wis time fur action, but ra sheep wis havin' nunnae it, so ah went furra wander doonra toon.
Passed by this bookshoap wi' awrae junk souvenirs rae couldnae palm aff oan tourists last year sittin' ootside when ra idea hit me.
Here's ra result http://glesga.freeyellow.com/Wuckfitt/ArgyllDoll.htm
(It wid proabably be a good idea tae turn Javascript aff first)
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Monday May 20th
Posted May 24, 2002
Jist goata letter in sayin' ra broo urr cuttin aff ma bevvy money - seven weeks early (they reclaimt ma first seven weeks when ah goat ma lyin' time last month affra Nashnil Insurance Fund). Phonet ra b*****ts up in telltrim ah hudnae received ma full 182 days bevvy allowance cos they hud reclaimt ra first seven weeks. Noo, huv ye ever tried explainin' rat tae some c**t who's never heard arra Nashnil Insurance Fund in disnae know whit lyin' time is?
Well that pit me inna right good mood tae go doon in see aboot ma Coonsil Tax, ah kin tell ye. 
So ah wanders doon tae ra Coonsil Oafices wi' aw ma wee bitsa paper, takes a wee number ootra ticket machine in goes oot furra smoke inna wee doss inra Squerr. Wander back in evry noo in again until it's nearly ma turn, in ren wait.
When ma number goat callt ah went up tae ra coonter in haundit ooer ra letter taeris classy wee burd - no kiddin', she spoke English like a native.
"Oh that Sir? Just ignore it, they were sent out by mistake." *rips up letter in front of me*
Noo ah coodnae let ra opportunity tae learn some proper wurds go, so ah pit oan ma best Kelvinside accent....
"Did evry c**t get wan then?".
"Yes, it's been a nightmare in here."
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Friday May 17th
Posted May 24, 2002
Finally goat ra rent fae November soartit oot wirra Coonsil oan Monday, so whit pops thru ma door this moarnin'? A letter fae ra Coonsil sayin' ah hudnae paid ma Coonsil Tax last month. Noo call me me glaikit if ye waant, but ah hudda wee bitta paper rit sayed ah hid paid ooer a hunner quid tae some c**t three weeks ago. Noo ah canny remember ever gettin' a receipt in a pub, so ah reckont ris wis ma proof rit ah hid mistakenly paid ma Coonsil Tax.
Anyway, ah phonet rame up in wis tellt tae bring aw ma wee bitsa paper fae ma drunken mistakes doon oan Monday tae soartit oot. "Aw s**t", ah thoat,"Noo thirr gonny notice rit ah didnae pay aw a last years's Coonsil tax".
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Wednesday May 15th
Posted May 24, 2002
European Cup Final comes tae Glesga. Thae obviously didnae waant tae risk rae soburr forrinners damagin' baith oor good stadiums so rae played ra gemme it Hampden.
Anyway, never mind ra stadium, result inawrat, ra main news isritt ah wiz finally back oanra Buckie efter a brekka four days thanks tae some kindly stranger in George Squerr
Ah resistit ra temptation tae waash it doon wi' vodka ris time, innit ferr didra bisniss.
Six o'cloak inra punters inra Squerr stertit splittin' up in driftin' away. Ra Spanish in German punters headit fur Hampden (ah hope rae wurr warnt tae take a perra binoculars wirrem tae watch ra gemme), inra Scoatish wans headit furra pubs so uzz no tae interrupt ra bevvyin'.
Efter ra pubs shut, ah took a kerry-oot up tae ra Squerr, in opint ma first boatle. Ah hid swalleyed aboot hauf ae it when a big f****n' polis comes up in takes it aff me, "No drinking in public places", he sayed. Ah turnt aroon' in looked in nearly evry c**t wis huvvin' trouble understaunin' ris law, cos rae wurraw swallyin' like Titanic passenjirrs. In jist ren sumurra punter wanders by kerryin' a CASE a Stella. Noo that's whit a call some c**t takin' ra pish oota ye. Ah well, it least it wis only a lager, in no a boatilla Buckie.
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Latest reply: May 24, 2002
Jimmy Wuckfitt RIP
Researcher U193762
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