h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It hasn't screwed me for many years either

I did the Irish Lottey for a few years, did quite well with that. Bought Jena, my Yorkie with the money one of the times I won.

Been lurking have you BigAl I just hope my mum hasn't been lurking in this thread

I'm doing a Guide Entry at the moment about a bird, the feathered kind, the robin.

oh, don't worry about writing for lessons, improvise, be intereseing and bluff your way through the lesson, I'm sure that would be more interesting and fun.

Emmily

What do Essex Girls use for protection during sex?





A bus shelter.



Emmily

Woman "Why don't you ever call my name out during sex"?





Man "Because I don't want to wake you."





Emmily

EM!!, now I know what standards and to think I've held myself back, but I'm still not committing myself yet.

What is the difference between my ex and a prostitute...
A prostitute charge's

Hiya Animal

You always 'show up' just as I'm gonna log off missed chatting to you earlier, and as for BigAl here, he's been watching and planning evil ways to bore his puplils/students double

And what do you mean by my standards, I am an innocemt, sweet

Emmily

ONE BIG SMIRK, We will catch each other, at the right time, may your dreams come true......

These jokes are from Alex's FHM free 2005 calender, the small thick square ones, where you tear off a page a day. This one, has a scantly dressed female and a joke on each page.

This joke is from the page of your birthday Animal.

A blonde goes to confession and asks, "Father, is it a sin to have sex before communion?"



The priest replies, "Only if you block the aisle."

-------------------------------------------------------------

And this one is from my partners birthday.

What is the brunette's mating call?





Have the blondes gone yet?





Goodnight and sweet dreams to both of you.

Emmily

'night Emmily (Still trying to focus on tomorrow's lessons)

You are LOVERLY!!, (so is family)



One day a blonde was driving through the country, and she sees another blonde sitting in the middle of a cornfield rowing a boat with no water.
the blonde gets out of her car and shouts
" hey! you know its you who gives us blondes a bad name, and if I could swim I'd come over there and kick your bum!!


A really weird guy walks into a nunnery and says to the chief nun, "Have you got any nuns in the nunnery as weird as me??" and the nun replied, "Err, no....
So he said, "Have you got any nuns in the whole world as weird as me??" and the nun said, "Err, no......
His mate then said to him, "Sorry mate. I told you, you did it with a penguin".

Big Al, what age groups do you teach??

In one school Yrs 10, 12 and 13 (Age 14, 16,17) and in an F.E. College I teach adults. I don't know how old the youngest is, perhaps 20. (I start to teach in a 3rd Institution next week, which is also an F.E. College; to teach GCSE Science, A Level Biology and, after Christmas, Access to Higher Education in Biology.

The reason I ask is that my younger sister also teaches, she trained for infant/junior, but from her first post, she did 14yr leavers and from on to (how she calls it) remedials. At the moment she is at college, with a 'class' (forgive the insult) consisting of thick to bright, but various social problems, so I can understand the time and work you put in preparing the class work

Morning I don't like mornings.

Got my ECDL to go to in a few mins.

Animal, a thread you might like, it has a few pages of bloke jokes.

F19585?thread=292810

Emmily

I will have a look later, got to go into town soon, bit a shopping etc. How are we this morning, full of beans etc

Full of beans? I wake up grumpy

Bit more awake now

Emmily

OH I see, a cup of coffee and batter someone with the rolling pin, I aint coming down Surry, too painful

oops Essex soz.......slaps hand

"cup of coffee and batter someone with the rolling pin" yep, you got about right, I'm more of a night owl

Emmily

not going to say a dickie bird, don't want me lugs clattered

Talking about night owls and dickie birds, I was tempted to post this onm the 'Favourite Quotes' thread - but thought better of it.

"Females prefer males who stay up the longest"

Dr Paul Donald (RSPB) talking about the mating call of the male skylark as he hovers high in the sky.