Journal Entries
Najo, Tuesday 22/11/11 Advice needed
Posted Nov 22, 2011
I've a very sore head. I'm not sure now whether to go to elderly relative's funeral or not. I'm not that bothered about funerals. They're more about the living than the dead (in my opinion). If someone I know dies I'll attend the funeral if I can. If a relative dies I'll attend the funeral. Even when a relative I didn't particularly like (or visit) recently died I attended the funeral and sympathised with the immediate family but I didn't place a notice in the newspaper or create a fuss with weeping and wailing (that particular relative didn't mean very much to me).
Elderly relative did mean a lot to me.
I mentioned in a previous journal that on Saturday night the estranged wife of one of her son's turned up while I was there at the bedside vigil. She turned up like any bad penny. A bit of history here: she hadn't seen or spoken with elderly relative for 25+ years, she hadn't permitted her husband to visit elderly relative for 25+ years, she kept her only child away from her grandmother for 25+ years. Son only dared resume contact with his mother about a year ago when his wife threw him out claiming 'he was getting too much like his mother'.
On Saturday night she turned up - I ignored her an left the room when she entered. When I returned (after 10 mins) she left but not before kissing elderly relative on the forehead and saying 'goodnight' her daughter did the same and they left.
Tonight in the paper the funeral notice has appeared and elderly relative will be sadly missed by son, daughter-in-law, granddaughter (insert names here) the woman who hated elderly relative?!?!
I'm going to assume she'll be there at the funeral leading the mourning.
After she'd left on Saturday I washed elderly relative's face and forehead and apologised for her having to put up with that visit - but there was nothing I could do to stop it because her son had arranged it. I did cry then because I knew how much elderly relative would have hated daughter-in-law being there let alone seeing her like that. Shortly thereafter I wiped some fluid that had leaked from both her eyes. Now that fluid may have been tears but it could have just been, well, fluid. She did die 27 hours later.
I'm worried that if I go to the funeral I will have no option but to tell daughter-in-law she's a two-faced, hypocritical, brass-necked 
, in fact I know I'll have to tell her that. So I should go or stay at home and keep my peace or hold my whisht as we say over here?
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Latest reply: Nov 22, 2011
Najo, Monday 21/11/11 Too soon?
Posted Nov 21, 2011
Well, anybody that was watching my last journal will know that elderly relative died last night and that was more less that.
A happy release, I think.
McKay mentioned that bedside vigils are part of our humanity. My daughter asked me why we do it a couple of years ago when my sister died. She wondered why we stayed at the hospital when there were nurses and doctors already there. Reasonable enough question from a child. It caused me to think about why. I mean it's not as if we could actually do anything to help so the only thing I could come up with was that we were there just to let the person know that they weren't alone. If they should open their eyes they'd see someone who loves them. If they could hear us they'd hear comforting words from a familiar voice. If they were frightened they'd know we'd be holding their hand and making sure they were treated properly.
That was the best I could do then and it's still the best I can do now. I've sat with four close family members while they made that final journey and each one took a slightly different route but they all went with someone they loved and who loved them beside them. Is that part of our humanity?
Probably.
I went to work today perhaps too soon. I was very tired and very sensitive when a colleague ripped into me for a minor oversight. The fact that I also deal day in day out with the sick and with those people who are going through what elderly relative and family have just come through also led me to think maybe I should have a day or two off.
I was granted a couple of days annual leave and a one day bereavement leave.
I think I'll relax.
Discuss this Journal entry [8]
Latest reply: Nov 21, 2011
Najo, Sunday 20/11/11 Life .....
Posted Nov 20, 2011
Last night we sat and wondered what life was. Elderly relative was transferred to a private room at the hospice because the end was so near. One son decided that he'd done enough and was prepared to miss the end. The other son stayed with me because he'd feel guilty if he missed it.
I won't go into my thoughts on the daughter-in-law and granddaughter who arrived to say their goodbyes - mainly because they chose not to see her for the past 25 years (alright granddaughter was only a kid then but she chose not to see her for the past 12 years).
I sat and watched the tiny frame in the enormous bed fight for each breath. I held her hand, muttered comforting words. I even apologised for the inappropriate visitors (not that I invited them). Anyhow, breath followed breath and the clock ticked on.
This morning the son who had gone home arrived back.
I waited with him until the son who'd stayed travelled home for a shave and a shower. When he returned I left them with their mother and there they still are watching breath follow breath and the clock ticking on.
I found it draining to wonder at the workings of a body that despite everything still continues to function after a fashion. The heart still beats, the lungs still fill (at least partially) and the life just won't leave. A strong heart, the motor that is keeping this particular body going, can be a curse. Just make it stop!
Discuss this Journal entry [16]
Latest reply: Nov 20, 2011
Najo, Saturday 19/11/11 Because I have a minute ....
Posted Nov 19, 2011
...I'm getting today's journal in early.
We're just getting ready to go to drama. Daughter has to take the anti-panto class (although she's only 15) because the actual teacher is elsewhere this week. So the plan is we'll finish there at 1.00. She'll go into town with her mates. I'll come home to have a sleep.
She'll come home at about 5.30 to get ready for the birthday party she's attending. I'll get up and get ready for the hospice - fortunately sister's son decided he could use his own car or borrow his wife's car today to allow sister to do a shift at the hospice.
I'll drop daughter off to party then go to hospice and relieve sister. Daughter will stay with a friend tonight and someone will arrive to relieve me at some point tomorrow.
That's the plan anyway. I'll let you know tomorrow if it all went a smoothly as we thought.
Discuss this Journal entry [10]
Latest reply: Nov 19, 2011
Najo, Friday 18/11/11 Sleepy ..... yawn
Posted Nov 18, 2011
Well today was pretty much a waste of time. Fix the car bloke couldn't get to see the damage today so it'll have to wait now until ? well, that's anybody's guess.
Elderly relative is still breathing, but only just. Neither son can apparently do anything on Saturday so I'm pulling a triple shift - afternoon, evening and overnight. I'm getting 2 hours off tomorrow at teatime to get daughter to a birthday party - or nearest house to venue. She'll then go to another friend's house after the party. I'll see her sometime on Sunday.
On the plus side my elder sister (who's named after elderly relative) is going to see if she can borrow HER car of her son tomorrow which would mean she could do afternoon shift and I could sleep in preparation for the evening/night shift. Apparently her son borrows the car every Saturday to get to his football practise, his car is seemingly unavailable on a Saturday. What is it with sons this year? They seem to be going out of their way to be unhelpful.
Anyway, photos of niece's engagement ring have appeared on facebook so the world now knows that champagne breakfasts in the Dominican Republic lead to marriage proposals and Bob only knows what else.
I'm feeling lucky so I'll purchase some lottery tickets tomorrow.
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Nov 18, 2011
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