h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I find it hard, it's hard to find
Oh, well, whatever, nevermind

*clink*

Oh, here we go. Two arms, one leg, and the rest of the other leg.

Perfect! Now we need some string and maybe some neon paint. String I got - now, let's see. This bone goes here, doesn't it? Isn't this the fibula? Left or right? Ah, that's a good question. Let's flip coin about it, I hate guesswork.

Crown it's the left.

*got no coin flips dogbowl*

*dogbowl lands on edge and doesn't fall over*

Hm. Well, we never decided what was crown and what was head, anyway, did we. Ok. Here's what I'll do.

*chucks bone and opens her eyes*

So. There. Interesting. A fibula for an arm. Well, isn't that even more creepy than an ordinary skeleton. I think it will work better like this.

Yes, I think that will work perfectly well.

*dog bowl falls over on side, which -- while we never picked -- somehow seems to clearly be heads*

Hm. Seeing as I never closed my eyes before I find it very strange I could open them after chucking that bone in the wrong place. But hey, we're on *his* grounds, who knows what hoodoo he is meddling with.

Oh, that looks like heads, doesn't it.
Ah, well, never mind.
Let me just put this arm here where the fibula is supposed to be, and tie the string. There.

*props up the skeleton by uhm... dog house*

Do we wait here for Fred to come and be driven out of his mind, or can we go home and sleep?

I'm sure Fred will be freaked out even if we go home to sleep.

I think we should give it a pitchfork and a straw hat first, though.

Oh, he's into scarecrows, is he. Do we want a kinky scarecrow-lover for world dominator? Noooooo!

No, see, cause then it would look like a farmer and you alread know how I feel about that.

Well, right now do we care about what you feel about farmers? No. It's not you we're trying to give a nervous breakdown, is it. How can we be sure he's secretly into farmers? Or absolutely not into farmers at all like you (well, I'm quite sure you had a good time, allthough you keep denying it). Will a straw hat help?

I don't know. I just can't help thinking it would be scarier if it looked like a farmer, but then, maybe that's just me.

All right, then. We'll make it into the creepy scary skeleton of a farmer who has an arm for a leg. How's that? Will it make our Fred wet his pants?

I think it would make me wet my pants, so can you do it while I look over this way?

Ok.

*makes the creepiest armlegged skeleton farmer you ever saw*

It's done. Don't look. Just walk straight ahead. I'm right behind you.

*walks straight ahead*

*sees mirror with reflection or skeleton/farmer*

AAIIIEEEEEE!!!!!

*faints*

Oj då.

*grabs the fainted Jackie the Cow by the feet and drags him over to the armlegged skeleton farmer and binds him to it*

Shock therapy. Migh not work, but then again it might. Bet a sack of money it won't work. And I bet another sack that it will.

Wakey wakey, Arthbard!

Wha-

I had a horrble dream...There was a skeleton...And then I was strapped to a farmer and...Wait a minute...Oh no...I can't move...AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Oh. Fainted again, did he...

*hums and drums her fingers on the skeleton farmer's skull, checks watch now and then*

Is he healed now, or gone even nuttier? How long is this going to take? More important, who gets the sack full of money? Me or me? Well, we'll see that when he wakes up again, won't we?

What's going on<?>

Is that a skeleton<?>

Bag of money<?>

Question<?>

Question<?>

What<?>

Who<?>

When<?>

Where<?>

Ha ha ha ha ha ha<?>

Woop woop woop<?>

Flibble dribble doo<?>

Aroogah, aroogah<?>

WoooOOOOooooOOOOOooOOOooOooOOoOoooo<?>

Urrrrgggghhhh<?>

Why<?>

How<?>

Treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee<?>

I lost and I won. Looks like Fred the WD wannabe is wannabe no more. Oh, well, Arthbard can consider himself lucky, because I happen to have a home in his little country. I lost and I won. Good thing I won some too, isn't it, so I can afford a nurse for the nutter.

- Yes, Arthbard, nice tree, get down now, stop hugging that branch. We're going on a small trip. You want to visit Italy, won't you? And if you are nice and come down right now we can stay there a long long time. Wouldn't you like that?