h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, I'm working on that, too. He's been a very naughty boy, Fred has.

If the smurfs had a very good time in Greece they might have yodled quite a lot, I'm sure Apollo would like to thank them for that by giving us a helping hand.

Oh, certainly. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what I can do to get Athena on our side.

Well, she is the goddess of prudent warfare, so she might join just for the chance of beating up Fred. In a prudent manner, of course.

Yeah, I've just told her how great I thought she was in The Odyssey. I think I'm starting to get on her good side.

We could ask the dog to join too. In case Fred tries to sneak off somewhere in disguise. He might want to impersonate a regular guy who hangs out in the h2g2 just to confuse us. That would be just his style.

Ooh. Yes. He is devious. We'll have to be careful who we talk to.

Do not open the door for anybody - and especially not if they claim to come from the phone company. You'll only find your lines clogged up with Italians, and an run into an endless series of proxy error pages.

Oh crap. There's a pizza delivery guy at the door...

I didn't order any pizza!

Slam the door on his foot! Slam it hard!

*slam*

There. Crap. Now, what am I supposed to do with these toes?

You got Fred's toes!

Well, let's hope those are Fred's toes, or you might find yourself in court fighting the Big Pizza company...

You can of course claim insanity. If you tell them the truth and nothing but the truth - isn't that how they say - they might even let you off the hook completely.

Hmm...I don't know...

"You see, your honor, I was in the process of taking over the world..."

Might not go over so well...

Could be a good time to call on my godly allies.

Well, you could also try this:

"Your Honour, I have strong evidence this man takes part in an evil plot to take over the world. See, these pictures of him torturing this poor little hamster. He has also forced some small blue friends into drinking." Etc. etc.

Anyway, let's see what your Greek friends can do.

Ah, yes. That's good. Perhaps I can convince Aphrodite to seduce all of the jury members.

All of them? Even the ladies? Well, being who she is she might manage the ladies too.

Well...Naturally. If she can't do it herself, I'm sure she can call on her Roman counterpart, Venus.

The two of them together? Oh, isn't that a bit too kinky for lady jurors, you think?

Well, naturally, that would be sort of a last resort. If one of them couldn't pull it off, they'd both give it a go.

At least I have Eris, the god of confusion on my side. She is the best ancient Goddess in my opinion.

The pizza boy was just one of my agents sue him if you want.