h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't want to give away too many details where Fred might hear. Suffice it to say, they're small, blue, and know all the good hiding places.

Ah. I see. But are they really trustworthy? Don't they seem to drink a lot?

Don't worry. They've been specially trained.

To drink a lot?

Well, that too...

Ah, I believe I get your drift. Well, as long as you can guarantee they won't get so drunk that they lose their direction. I'm having enough trouble as it is today.

They tell me that Fred has quite a collection of alcoholic beverages. I've had them "dispose" of these so as to make Fred go into withdrawal.

Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the expression "dead drunk" doesn't it...

Well, I believe one or a couple of your little blue friends must have skipped a couple of their special training classes, I'm getting a lot of page not found messages here.

You said "that too" - what else have you signed them up for?

The usual. You know, information retrieval, information adjustment, information gathering, use of dangerous weapons, etc.

Information adjustment - I don't think I've ever heard about that, but if it involves a couple of hundred little blue buggers having a p**s-up on Fred's phone lines I'm absolutely for it.

And the hamsters?

They've been slowly evacuating the hamsters one by one for the last couple of hours. The trick is doing it quietly so Fred doesn't notice.

Quietly!!??? Have you gone nuts!!??? You're speaking of two hundred little drunkards!! They *sing* for pete's sake! One drop of that brew they make and they start yodeling like Germans!!!

Like I said, they're specially trained. They sing and yodel quietly.

Ah, well, in that case. And the little black one? He's there too?

Yes, he gets sent on the super-secretive missions.

I won't even ask.

Uhm, what kind of super-secretive missions might that be?

I thought you said you wouldn't ask.

So did I for a second, actually. Oh, by the way the buggers who lost their way and staggered off towards my place must have dozed off.

Some of them lost their way? I hope I didn't give them the Victorian map by mistake.

They must have read it upside down and all backwards if a Victorian map got them to Italy. And drunk as they are I wouldn't be surprised if they did.