h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Now, seriously: Basildon is no comparason to Norwich
*shivers,
There is low, and then there is Norwich, and then, then there is the lowest of the low, the settlement where none would choose to live: Lowestoft
*scarey horror film/carboon type music... oh, oh no, who is this behind me?! help, ehlp help hel

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I am Vaccuman, sworn enemy of the imposter Nighthoover, I have taken over the body, the earthly, no, change that, the unearthly form of 2legs, and you must comply: leave the phoney Nighthoover, and follow the one true truth Vaccuman!
*evillaugh
You will be vaccumed,; hoovering is futile

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You dare laugh at Vaccuman? foresake the faulse saviour; Nighthoover, and devote allegiance to me, Vaccuman: the true ruler of the small space at the back of pieces of furnature, created as a result of the skurting board being prode of the wall by half an inch, therefore having the consequence of preventing furnature, such as wall units, from sitting flush with the wall

You have been vaccumed, heed or be subject to all mannorism of bizzare and mainly useless vaccume cleaner attachments, designed, apparently for cleaning your soft furnishings, whatever that means, and resultant confusion of tangled vaccume leads shall never again be rectified by teh hand, the power of the hand, the hand of vaccuman ruler of the Vaccume cleaner and the true ruler of the small space at the back of pieces of furnature, created as a result of the skurting board being prode of the wall by half an inch, therefore having the consequence of preventing furnature, such as wall units, from sitting flush with the wall


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ahhhhhh


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oh no I am lost again dag on it

What is a Nighthoover? Is that some sort of hovercraft/hoovercraft?
It only works at night? It can't be a vacuum, because vacuums are
an absence of anything. Nature abhors a vacuum, so therefore
no vacuums can exist except outside of nature.

Never heard of vaccumans (vaccumen?) either, 2legs. I think
you're pulling my leg (and why would you want to, as you have
2 legs of your own already....)

*points to the large 'You are here' arrow that someone has attached to the map on her back* Not that it would help me any...

well mabye if we gotca a couple of big mirrors

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Well, then *tries to see in her mind* that would make the map reversed, wouldn't it...? No... Well, maps give me trouble anyway...

Especially when they're clinging to your back.

(Must be itchy at times )

If it were clinging, then one of you could remove it... No, someone drew it on there. I didn't even notice until the search started... Sometimes it's handy that paper has no sensation (like when Tac missed the dart board!) but it can be annoying...

hmmm does the you are here sign on your map on your back just move around on its own...does that


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Like I said, I don't feel anything *shrug*

* ties shoelaces *

wibble

* giggles *

Is it working, or was the map done in ink? Please don't erase so much that you wear a hole in me, as that probably wouldn't heal... At least not for a long, long time...

*emerges from tunnel system with a box... and theres 14 more from where that came from...

Boxes of 2Legs?
Why don't you take them.. for the journey?
Have a good trip!

*Watches map vanish from Amy's back*

Ahh... now we really are lost.. but since the only directions I really know are "Nearer " and "Further away from " it doesn't really matter

*Parries with a wayward hedgehog*

Lost!

Do we have enough with us?