h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't you know, you make me spin out of control
by making it snow every soccer goal.
In the our seasonal weather ritual all through the night
from the manual causing us to become multilingual.

Come and make Doctor Victor von Doom go boom, boom, boom,
when he is riding on his broom drinking a glass of rum.
This will rock my whole world by the way you talk about Johann Bach
by one of the many Scottish lochs drinking a glass of hock

I thrill when I hear a Bach cantata.
It makes me want an oyster frittata,
Washed down with prune and strawberry wine,
Which leaves me feeling very fine.

I think we're alone now except for the jersey cow
who can meow like a cat or even squawk like a macaw.
I think it is safe for us to seek the ultimate tao
through our new bizarre new abilities which have people in awe.
They will see our giant birdlike wings sprouting out from our backs
altering the colour of our skin to a very vivid shade of blue.
We will be able to resist and fight off all supervillian attacks
through changing our appearances or by our experiences of deja vu.

Magneto has a magnetic personality
and has known to be able to draw in the crowds.
He wails like a banshee when having afternoon tea
when he has problems banishing all the rainy clouds.

People call him the babe/chick magnet
due to his magnetism.
This increases when he's eating an ice cream cornet
or when he's having an attack of egotism or pietism.

A supermodel named Kate Moss
Has superpowers, I've heard say.
Her teeth: pearly white. She must floss!
She gets younger day by day.

We can do this all through the night
jumping up and down wearing a crown.
We can fight fiercely like a knight
or joke about like a circus clown.

We can do our own thing
by sitting together on the garden swing.
We can think deeply when at the kitchen sink
focusing our thoughts on the cosmic psychic link.

Damn this superhero costume is skin tight.
So come and watch me work up a snow storm like Ororo Monroe
with 12 foot snow drifts giving the winter weather fans much delight
as they ski on hills and make snow sculptures on the plateau.

Watch my psionic powers as make the ground and buildings shake.
See me fill the air completely charged with static electricity.
Come and witness the how the water freezes on the Scottish lake
in the town of Dundee where people sit down at 6pm for high tea.

Come, my lass, where muses wink,
And steadfast starfish hug the sand
In drunken, am'rous ecstasy,
And surfers, gulls and seals can see
The print of Neptune's hand.

Every second of my day is a fantasy highlight
when I am going with the flow walking across the meadow
which fills me with delight at such a wondrous wintery sight
dulling the urban noises by the falling of the snow .

Living in a world of peace and quiet, rocks my world until sunlight.
It will make this dream of mine become the most fantastic one.
Just by searching ways of improving my psychic second sight
by either going on a long stroll, or a jog or even a long run.

I want to open my world by expanding my imagination through my mind.
Keeping up to the flow of the day by watching the passage of time.
Trying to relax and unwind by trying to maintain my kitchen blind.
Listen to the sound of the clock chime when drinking a soda lime.

Sitting in my rocking chair trying to concentrate hard in prayer
wandering about the life of the mole or the vole when I am losing control.
Finding ways of squaring the circle by taking on a nom de guerre
by reading an ancient scroll to find ways of improving my mind and soul.

I will go my own and way and do my own thing by beating my own drum.
My path and my direction will be unique to me that sets me apart.
I won't be glum about not drinking mead or rum with my dear friend and chum.
Share with me a plate of fruit filled tart and examples of Scottish folk art.

The weather is getting rather wild
as we are due for an oncoming fierce storm.
It's cold even though they say it's very mild
because of the absence of a stratosphere warm.

The Daily Express says it's the worst for two years
that we've had a weather attack from the Atlantic.
So drown your fears with 2 or 3 pints of beers
and ploughman's salad that's completely organic.

We'll be getting hail, sleet and snow on Tuesday evening/night.
Snow will be falling on higher ground and some lower levels too.
It will excite winter weather forum members and some cause fright
at the thought of the low pressure from the West getting us all in a stew.

Can you build a snowman?
Can you dance the can can?
Can you drive a van?
Can you make a fruit flan?

I can make it rain on a cloudy day.
If I'm in a barn, I can roll in the hay.
If I'm in the ocean, I can catch a wave.
If I'm in church, I can usually behave.

I killed a tree today, oh boy
my arms are sore from all the sawing
its branches crowd my garden floor
from neighbour trees the tears are pouring

Three cherry trees shall end my sorrow
their fruits I'll taste in their own shadow
think I will plant them all tomorrow

I saw a colony of ents when I was staying in Kent
who were transported from the lands of Middle Earth.
One of them was called Treebeard and he was quite a gent
when Fimbrethil his wife was in labour and about to give birth
to female and male entling twins in my tent.

Come and see the zombie ballet.
On the stage they lurch and sway
To music grim and bleak and bloody,
Somehow enjoyed by everybody.

Not much plot, but lots of biting.
Not my cup of tea, not inviting.
More of humor than of dread.
Now I'll see "Shawn of the Dead."

Come and join with all the country people
so many happy and jolly village people.
They come hand in hand around the bandstand
where they are willing to give you a hand
to get up to the church's roof and onto the steeple.

We dance on the steeple.
We dance on the spire.
We seem like people
Whose pants are on fire.

Let's all waive our hands in the air
and dance like the silver screen icon Fred Astaire.
Sing with gusto when walking over the meadow
with NE winds making it heavily snow.

The Venus De Milo waived her hands.
Students at Gallaudet waived their bands.
My traffic ticket was waived by the cop.
The piggies were full, so they waived their slop.

Let's all go to the shop.
Let's all go to the hop.
Let's all go to the bus stop.
Let's all go to the circus top.