h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...*runs around removing all the marigolds from the Sweat Lodge...tosses the cheese out for the critters...*

I wonder if the library ought still be my hiding place?
I go there every so often to read 'The Profit'. Although people wonder about me now...as I've been given the book. I learned to read by age three because I loved our OLD library so! Then they tore it down! ...*still wondering what ever became of all the marble busts atop the oak shelves...* In my Village we have an old stone cold library...only problem being everyone speaks at the top of their voices! Whatever happened to:SSSHH!?
But I never smelled anything bad there. I'll try sniffing around during my next trip!

When I was in High school...jusss a couple years ago
I got some of the guys to put Limburger into a teacher's heat vents in her car......it was someting like zero degrees outside!
She drove allllll the way home with her head out the window! The next day she drove a rental. And she never yelled at me again. The End...of the begining.

*drinks *

I remember filling a guys car with polystyrene packing chips one time - well he did leave his sun roof open in the car park



Bassman

did you know him or was he just a random guy?

I wish I had thought of that! I have a lot
of packing chips that I was just throwing
away.

He was the guy on my shift that nobody liked. The Simulator I worked on at the time had 4 mainframe computers networked together, if there was a fault on 1 and he went down to fix it, you could guarantee by the time he gave up, there would be faults on 3. His fault finding technique was christened:

W.N.B.S. (Willy-Nilly-Board-Swapping)

We also filled the air intake for his heater with "chad" - the little bits that come out of paper tape when it's punched. So when he put the blower on in his car - instant confetti



Bassman

that's brilliant!

A clever way to use unwanted chads.

i'll have to remember that

No wonder you're all in my fan club!

I had the corn flakes frightened outta' me as I left a friend's house one evening. The fellows 'round the Village went and collected piles of leaves from the curbs side one Friday around Halloween...they filled my car with leaves and put a stol, er, borrowed dummy in the passangers seat! It was my friend's ten year old son who walked out and opned my door!
That was right after having watched the horror movie Halloween!

The pranks contunie...although I have no idea whatsoever who is responsible.

AAAAAAAGGGGHHH!

There's a set of adverts over here at the moment for some drink of some flavour - can't remember the brand, but the ads are brill.

The first is a guy having a shower in a sports club changing room, he's trying to wash the shampoo out of his hair. One of his mates distracts him by talking to him, and the other squirts some more shampoo on his head. The two mates then swap roles, this goes on a few times 'till he susses them out.

The second is in the loo in a club. One guy is saying that he's just pulled a lovely young lady etc,etc. While one of his mates distract him, the other splashes water down the front of his trousers to make it look like he wet himself.

The third is the good old lift gag. One of the mates is coming up in a lift (that'll be elevator to you guys over the pond) so the others place a board in front of the doors with wallpaper pasted on it in the pattern of housebricks. When the doors open the guy thinks he's caught between floors. The camera cuts to the two mates creased up with laughter.



Bassman

gosh... worst I've done to someone's car was emptying 8 cans of multicolored 'silly string' on it (looked like it had been attacked by psychadelic spiders) then wrapping it in yellow warning tape that said 'crime scene - do not enter'

Bassman

Oops, false alarm.

My car was *not* full of marigolds,
but rather orange extraterrestrials
that multiply very fast. Rather like
Tribbles.

Whew! I was worried there for a while.

tirbbles that smell like marigolds??? oh the humanity!!! tribbility...

...*walks over...takes aim...and...smacks Bassman in a place as yet to be named...*We BLOKES on this side of the Pond know very well what a lift is. As we know what a loo is. For some reason I have yet to understand...there seems to be an awful lot of talking about "loos" and bathroom behavior. Not at all what I thought British people were about. Not at all. Humph. Waaall at least I didn't waste my money coming over there to be disappointed. i can do that from right here.

Wha'?
Why's everybody looking at me like that!? Do I have a rash or something?

Well at least you didn't kick me in the B*****ks.... Oh yeh, I had to explain that one to you didn't I

Britain is obsessed with "Toilet Humour", have you never seen any seaside postcards?



Bassman

I have absolutely no idea what I could have kicked you in and I have received lots of postcards from England as I collect them.
You're not going to send me one, are you?
Anyway the cards I HAVE received were all quiet nice.

Whenever I travel I sit at the airport before my flight and write out all the cards there, they mostly say the same thing: Having a wonderful time, glad you're not here. Then when I reach my point of arrival, I stick them in the mailbox at that airport. Everyone is always impressed that even though I was having a blast I took the time to write. Isn't that special?