h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I jusssss love it here! ...*wonders why Bassman is laughing...doesn't matter...*

Say Lizzy, did you know that it has been determined that scientists cause cancer in labotory animals?!
And...did you know that have implanted a remote control device into a rat? I never knew a rat that was out of control...but hey, it's jusss government money.

...*makes a wonderful batch of tea...*






...*pokes Paul H with a stick...* I say, are you still on your vision/ dream quest? You're looking a bit dehydrated! Care for some of my "special" ?

Can I have a cuppa as well please Pandora



Bassman

best have more than one!

some scientists do mean things to animals

after a friend of mine heard the subjects i'm doing next year for AS he called me a science mentalist, which is one step below mad scientist

id /never/ hurt an animal though

Do you drive? Sometimes they have this way of throwing themselves out of hedgerows and into your path when you least expect it.

There was a huge gray squirrel scrounging scraps from the bin under my office window earlier on....



Bassman

not me, i'm only 15

what throws itself out of hedges?

Deer, foxes and rabbits mainly.

I did hear a story of a guy driving down a country road during the summer with his windows down. A wild cat jumped in through the passenger window, onto his lap, bit him, chewed him and scratched him and exited through the driver's window. All within just a few seconds, leaving him sore and bleeding.



Bassman

i've never seen a wild cat!

wood pigeons have a habit of launching themselves out of hedgerows when i'm cycling past which can be abit unnerving

not quite as unnerving as this (restrains language) silly billy that almost ran me over the other day

I had a deer jump out on me one night when I was cycling home. I'd just come to the gate of a field which had been obscured by a high hedge. I could see the surface of the field in the moonlight and was just taking in the beauty of the moment when the deer appeared in the road beside me. I think it must have jumped the gate.

I don't know how I didn't fall off, I was petrified. It towered above me, if it had have landed a foot further into the road, it probably would have killed me. The thing scampered off up the road into the dark of the wood which I was approaching, I thought to myself that it was going to wait and do it again.

I did something almost as scary - again out on the bike. It was dark and foggy, so my glasses kept steaming up and I couldn't see a thing, so I put them in my pocket and carried on. I hit the bottom of a hill, so got up out of the saddle and started powering my way upwards. I could see a shape in the fog just in front of me, but couldn't make it out, I seemed to be catching it slowly, but still couldn't make out what it was. All of a sudden, it loomed out of the darkness with a terrible speed, not being able to see properly I was once again soiling my cycling shorts. It turned out that it was my shadow cast by the lights or a car coming up behind.



I can laugh about it now, the months of therapy did help enormously....





Bassman

we get lots of deer around here

i saw a white stag the other day

There are moose crossings all over the place
in New Hampshire, where my sister has a vacation
house. That's to be expected, but the black bear
that empties her bird feeder at her *regular*
house (much closer to civilization) is a bit
unnerving. So is the porcupine that eats her
blackberry bushes.

Geez...DEER! Sorry, but neither of you would fair well here. Last night after I chased a pack of BIG racoon out of the garage I then had to scare off the cyottees! Deer stand in the yard...don't tell anyone, but I sing to them! They either stand still because of the loverly tones or because they think a terrible is about!

I've also been attacked by s...had a black bear walk out in front of me whilst back packing and I fell asleep when hiking once in Texas and awakened with wildcat prints alllll around me!
The following day I went with a Texas Ranger to the spot of my interesting nap. When he calmed downhe pointed directly above where I'd been sleeping...it was a wildcat den!
Then there was the time when I was climbing in a jungle and used an andaconda as a vine! And a whole bunch of other stuff. Jusss by the book when it comes out.

...*takes Lizzy's away from her and replaces it with ...*

Ooooo...lookie there......Bassman, your glasses are all steamy now! Is the emu oil making you warm dear?

*watches Pan's zooful lounge around sipping * Did I miss much? Other than Pan's version of 'Wild Kingdom' I mean.. Can't say I've had too many wild animal run ins.. except of course some of my scribblier dates..

Speaking of emu oil, I really haven't noticed
anything objectionable about its smell. Did
I mention the family of skunks that lives
under my neighbor's mobile home?

The only smell that I really hate is marigolds.
They smell like old, incontinent men who haven't
bathed in a while.

Paul H, I'm not even gonna' ask how you know that...
TMI!!!

...*drinks her 3rd cup-o-special-tea...* Guess you could say this is my specialtea!!! waaaaaall if you'd drank as much of this stuff as have I, you'd find it funny too!

Pandora, I work in a public library
that has occasionally had elderly
patrons (I started to say *patients* )
who were incontinent. At least one
of them would stand in front of the
library urinating against the building.


I have an aunt in another part of the country
who has related similar stories about eccentric
patrons in the library she used to work in.

In fact (this is a true story), I was working
at the circulation desk one day and smelled
what I thought was a smelly patron. I kept
looking at the people lined up at the desk, and
couldn't identify which one of them was giving
off the odors. Then I noticed a bouquet of
marigolds on the desk. Right under my nose!


Marigolds are great--from a distance. They keep
Japanese beetles away. But please don't put them
where I can smell them.

One thing I hate the smell of is Parmesan Cheese it stinks. I don't much fancy the look of it grated either - it reminds me of something particularly unwholesome. Getting close to so I'll stop there.



Bassman

That's because cheese is rotten milk.
No wonder it stinks. Limburger
is one of the smelliest cheeses, but
there are others that are almost as bad.

I love Stilton, I could eat that till the cows come home, but Parmesan - I don't think so....



Bassman