h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Runs of down to the wine celler. Meanwhile, in the desk there is a ninja mongoose waiting to attack any foolish enough to try to rifle through it's contents. However just as he's about to attack he does a double take*

[Mongoose] 'Ere, you look familear, are you one of the ones the master fancies?

*the mongoose pulls out a collection of photos and starts going through them. In the collection can be seen, amongst others, pictures of Charlie, Feuille, Scan and Scruff*

[Mongoose] Oh yeah, there you are, sorry there missus. You know you wanna be more careful, I nearly attacked you.

< where's mine>

Err... OK, I'll be more careful next time.

*Closes the drawer gently, and wonders where that button to unlock the doors has got to.*

*Returns with the wine, two glasses and the button for the door mechanism sticking out of his pocket*

So, shall we get started?

Of course...

*Sits on the desk.*

Where would you like?

In there would probably be most comfortable

*gestures to a door just to the side of his desk. Walks towards the door, which opens automatically*

*Follows.*

*Enters his own personal suite, which is done out in excessively vulgar 'Evil-Overlord-Bedroom' chic. from within can be heard the sound of two glasses of wine being poured*

So my dear, do you want to tell me all about it or shall we just get down to business?

All about what? I'm not really sure what you're talking about!

*whispers in her ear*

If you wait a moment I'll just go and lock the door so we're not disturbed and I'll just check that noone's destroying the place, I shan't be long.

*Pokes his head through the door*

Right, you lot, just get on with whatever you're meant to be doing while I interrogate the prisoner... oh and try not to cause too much damage

*dissapears back into his private rooms, where he realises scan could have put anything in his wine while he wasn't looking. Rather than trying to figure out whether it's safe to drink from either glass he tips it away in a potted plant and pours two fresh glasses*

So, where were we?

*Watches the potted plant wither.*

What's in this?

*starts banging and screaming and battering at the door*

I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE YOU HUSYY! I'M THE UNWILLING FIANCE NOT YOU!!! I'M GONNA BEAT YOU SO DAMN HARD!!

*think about it*

oh yeah unwilling. o.k never mind. carry on. *sneaks off*

Oh 'eck! Wait here a moment

*runs out of the room and chases after Scruff*

Wait a minute, I was only interrogating her, that's all, honest

*Watches from behind a door and sniggers*

Zat is vat happens ven you don't keep your libido under control