h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

'So you have always been a tree?'
'have ou always asked stupid questions?'
'Ahh, yes, well jsut checking levels and such like,you know'.
'no I don't know, I'm a tree you bafoon'.
'OK, this interview isn't going to be easy is it?'
'that depends on if you can actually ask any relivent questions.'
'Well here goes, lets start.'
'OK by me, I'm not going anywhere.'
'So the big question our listeners want to know is of course, what is it like being a tree? Can you give us an insight to your life?'
'I'm a tree, I've always been a tree, I used to be smaller and now I'm rather bigger than that. I photosynthesise and draw water up from teh ground with some minerls and such like in it.'
'And, so you enjoy this?'
'I haven't any choice, I can't get a social security number so I can't become a physics teacher.'
'So your big ambetion is to be a physics teacher?'
'No, can't stand them, but I felt like saying it.';
'Oh, I see. So would you like to say anything to our listeners?'
'No, goodbye.'

don't talk to Elms, you might catch something!

How true! how true!

and watch out for Holly, she's got a sharp tongue

hoh yus!

Watch out for Birch too, but you coud always join Poplar's fan club

Do you interview any other types of shrubbery? Any chance of a tomato interview?

SHRUBBERY Nihhhhhhh

Ni!!!

No 5. the Larch!

Firs, they'll pine for yew.

I once took a tree out for a drink, they said I was barking mad

trees are nice animals, not so much of the talking back. Barks are worse than their bites

spot on my friend, you know where you stand with a tree, they'll always support you

Have you ever interviewed a 'Dead Dog Tree'? You probably won't get a reply - no bark

serious, I've never heard of that sort of tree, is it a State side tree?

Serious? Serious? Get a grip, Prof! Since when have you known me to be serious?

dun know, I haven't know you for that longdon't forget, I got the first meeting wrong didn't I

I'd forgotten that Easy mistake to make

come to think about it, there is some distant memory in my head that I think there is a tree species that does not have a bark