h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

IS THE THREAD DEAD ?

NO!

OH

*hugs Red Dog* The thread doesn't want to die. If you leave it be, it will end when it's time comes.

COULD YOU ASSIMILATE IT THEN ORDER IT TO DIE ?

Can I assimilate you too?

[Cut to a theatre with a sign that says "QRRBRBIRLBEL THEATRE" and below that, "Today: Romeo & Juliet". Cut to the interior: the balcony scene.]

[Romeo] Oh Juliet ...

[Juliet] Oh Romeo ... catch!

[She tosses him a bomb, which blows him up. Buzzer; enter Director SL.]

[Director] Cut! Nah! Juliet, for the LAST TIME, don't do that!

[Juliet] I can't help it!

[Director] D'haa ... Bring out the Auto Romeo Maker!

[A specific blah guy rolls in a large machine labeled "Auto Romeo Maker." He pushes a button]

[Voice Over] Poof.

[The smoke clears and Romeo is back.]

[Director] Now, for the last time, no more bomb throwing!

[Exeunt Director, SBG, and Auto Romeo Maker SL.]

[Romeo] Oh, Juliet ...

[Juliet] Oh, Romeo ... I ... um ... ah ... erh ... uwee ... must ... bomb ... qrrbrbrirlbel ... [evil grin and bomb] Quahahahahahahaaa!

[She throws the bomb at Romeo, who gets blown up. Buzzer. Re-enter Director SL.]

[Director] Cut! D'haaaaa! I said, do not do that!

[Juliet] Sorry!

[Director] Bring out the Auto Romeo Maker again!

[Re-enter SBG and ARM. SBG pushes a button. ARM explodes.]

[Director] NOW what's happend??

[SBG] Blew up.

[Director] Arrgh, I don't care anymore! Somebody be Romeo!

[Exeunt all except Juliet. The director is heard saying something indistinct offstage]

[Juliet] Oh, Romeo ........ Romeo? ....... Where are you, Romeo?

[Random Blah Guy] Blah!

[Juliet] You're not Romeo!

[Random Blah Guy] Blah!

[He crashes into the wall; his head flies up and hits the balcony, causing the entire set to fall over. Buzzer. Enter Director]

[Director] Cut!

[A weight marked "Mr. Weight" falls on him. The wings fall down, then the ceiling. Cut to the exterior; the entire building collapses and a Kamikaze Watermelon flies by. Cut to several cartoon buildings falling down. Cut to , which explodes.]

[Cut to a pier.]

[Blah Guy] Ooh, a tidal wave.

[A badly-drawn wave comes along.]

[Voice Over] Splash.

[Blah Guy] What the hell kind of a tidal wave was that??

[A metal "arm" reaches down and grabs him.]

[Blah Guy] What the hell??

[The "arm" drops him into the water. Then it falls in. Zoom in on the water; cut to underwater. The silhouette of a blah guy in scuba gear swims in.]

[Scublah] [think Jaques Costeau] Today in ze underwatair world, we investigate ze territory of ze dreaded bubblefish. It is dark here, so we can only see shadows.

[A round silhouette swims in]

[Scublah] Now it seems we have found ze bubblefish. [produces a flashlight] I will shine ze light on it ...

[He turns on the light, revealing that the silhouette is of an anarchist's bomb with a goofy face.]

[Bomb] [wiggling a bit] Zeeky boogy doog!

[Scublah] Oh crap.

[Nuclear explosion.]

[Cut to a blahchild watching television. A vase on top of the television falls and breaks. Blahdaddy runs over.]

[Blahdaddy] Did you knock down that vase??

[Blahchild] No, it was him!

[Blahdaddy] Who??

[Blahchild] Him!!

[The zeeky bomb appears on top of the television.]

[Bomb] Zeeky boogy doog!

[Nuclear explosion]

DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM ANYMORE

[Cut to a Blah Guy. An ant approaches him]

[Blah Guy] Ooh, an ant. Wait a minute, that's not an ant!

[Zoom in, revealing that the ant's head is the zeeky bomb.]

[Bomb] Zeeky boogy doog!

[Nuclear explosion]

Truely Bizarro.

I dunno- I'm starting to warm to him

[Blah Guy #1] Hello.

[Blah Guy #2] Hello.

[BG1] How are you doing?

[BG2] I'm doing fine.

[BG1] Well, you know what? -- Wait a minute, it doesn't matter what I'm doing, because somebody's just going to run in and say "zeeky boogy doog" any second now!

[BG2] But YOU just said --

[Nuclear explosion]

*Begins to think that maybe Red Dog has a point in wanting this thread to die *

No! Don't give in!

[Cut to the zeeky bomb, asleep. Several Blah Guys creep by.]

[Blah Guy #1] [whispering] Shh ... we've got to be very quiet!

[Blah Guy #2] [ditto] Yeah ... otherwise we'll never find the kamikaze watermelon!

[Fanfare] [waking the zeeky bomb up] Doodoodoodoot doodoo!

[Watermelon] Whee! [goes splat]

[Blah Guy #1] Oh no!

[Bomb] Zeeky boogy doog!

[Blah Guys] [running away] AAAAA!

[Nuclear explosion]

*radioactive post*

And I thought it was weird living near Three Mile Island at the time of the "incident"....