h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My lighter was jammed. There was something not quite right about it.

It's only a cheapo freebie thing; the like of which are given out by the handful to British shoppers when they go and buy cigarettes in bulk from Belgian tobacco stores. Still, they're useful to have around.

Anyway, there I am flicking the damn thing and nothing is happening.

I tip it up and start banging it on the (grey) desk, whilst still flicking it. This blockage is getting annoying now. I've got a cigarette to light for heavensake

Then there was a cracking sound.

Followed by a hiss as a whole lighter load of butane is ejected out of the lighter casing and all over the desk.

Did I mention that I had been flicking the lighter? Yes I thought I had.

The fireball engulfs the keyboard, both of my hands and most of both forearms.

Fortunately butane in its free state burns very quickly. I have about two seconds to scream and jump back in my seat, and it's all been burnt up and gone.

I'm left a little shaken, and with practically no hair on my hands and arms. What little is left has shrivelled right up and is dropping foul smelling burnt-hair ash everywhere.

Blimey. Is your barnet OK?

Sounds like a 'hair story' quite worthy of the photo gallery thread:

F119314?thread=421977&latest=1

Don't ask me why, but hair topics come up there more often than any other.

Would you like to share?


az

The Universe is trying to tell you something.

Give up smoking.

Now!

So, do you have a spare keyboard or did the gas burn so quickly that the plastic didn't have time to melt?

As long as you're not hurt, can I find this very amusing?

B

When it went off I was actually sitting upright at my desk, so the fireball didn't come anywhere near my face.

The fire can have only have lasted 2 seconds, or even less maybe, before all the fuel was used up. I don't even recall a sensation of heat, let alone my flesh burning.

So yes, it is a very funny incident.

As for the evidence that has been left behind. Well there isn't much. Certainly nothing that would photograph (even if I owned a camera). The hair that is left on my forearms resembles, well, if you can imagine a number 1 haircut with split ends, then that's about the size of it.

Well, hair on your arms can be a real pain sometimes, so your better off without it. on a disimularl smoking note, I smoked on liverpool Street station in London tonight. apparently your not allowed to, but I did anyhow and no one said anything which was good for their wellbeing.

See? Smoking CAN be good for people!

B

Absolutely.
Without it my voice would be all high pitched for one thing.
And I've managed to nulify any delatarious affects by my choice in clothes, you see, my carefully chosen wardrobe of clothes, entirely nulifys any shortening of my life effect that smoking might have. Not to mention the extra years I've gained by my food choices.

Oh, sorry GD...

All that fire is scary! I should know, I've set fire to a dreadlock more than one. Seeing it streak towards your face is terrifying, and the stench is unbelievable!

But glad you're ok GD!

One of my special friends, Mo, had a tooth out a couple of weeks ago and she's been in agony ever since. The dentist told her it's because she smokes, she caused a "dry socket". His treatment didn't remedy it, so she's had to go in to hospital for an emergency operation on her gum.

She's still in agony, and has lost a stone in weight since all this started. As she was about 8 stone to begin with - she has kicked her smoking habit to try and regain some weight.

I'm having lunch with her on Tuesday, she's determined to make my birthday as it's been arranged a while, though I wouldn't mind - under the circumstances - if she cancelled.

I wish everyone who smokes would give up smoking. I can't see any circumstance where smoking is "good for you"

If you lived in the US, you'd automatically sue the lighter company, GD.

Or those nasty refinery people. Fancy making butane so flammable!

B

my advice to you as an upstanding american is to sue the b******s for every copper they have.

no ifs, and or buts shea! it's a new world order and everybody has the god-given right to slavishly imitate americans in every way.

we call this mission: freedom for enduring litigation.

I doubt I'd get very far with any legal action. These lighters come from where ever the cheapest indentured sweat-shop labour is in the world these days, probably Vietnam.

If I won my battle, they've got sod all to pay me with. Plus they have a good record when it comes to fighting off attacks from fat belligerent westerners

You're not fat ...

just a second, gd...

i'll be patient, since a non-yank can't be expected to know how these things work...

you don't have to sue the manufacturer! there is a whole panel of possible defendants:

- the shop you bought your fags from
- the cigarette manufacturer whose product you smoke
- the cigarette manufacturer advertised on the lighter
- the ferry company you went over on
- the UK government
- the belgian government
- the EU

you don't sue the one with the greatest responsabilty silly brit, but the one (or ones) most likely to pay out. this "deep pockets" principle is the cornerstone of american jurisprudence and is protected by the constitution.

*snigger* sorry GD, that really is extremely funny. Reminds me of the time I threw a lighter away in disgust, and it promptly exploded on contact with the floor. Cheap dodgy lighters. Hours of fun.