h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Johnny Depp is too busy to be dipped in chocolate now, but maybe Michael Jackson is available. He looks the same anyway.

Shame on yo Paul H.!
We are all stunned than YOU, of all people would say such a thing!
Now, go to your room and read War and Peace!
...*whispers...*
poor Paul H. is about a dip short of a full cone......or sumthin'

Well.. if Johnny Depp is busy I might settle for my favorite Fortuneswell..

I'll jussss wait for the Deppster.



I jussss wait right here.

*drags in a huge sack of kisses*

Phew! That's hard work....

*sets up her patented Cal-Trap-O-Matic, using some of the kisses, some and a Twinkie for bait*

Pandora, you can wait, but it may be a long time.

Let's just say that my few remaining brain cells have fried because of this heat....

I'm just glad I'm not in Chicago today .

Batty!! You forgot the greeh!

Batty, I've been reading "Last chance to eat," by Gina Mallet. The first chapter deals with her parents' misadventures trying to raise poultry in England after WWII. Some excerpts:

"The egg is the nucleus of the hen's longed-for family, and she guards it fiercely....It isn't until she has nest full of eggs that she goes broody, taking up to three weeks to hatch the chicks..."

"Hens naturally try to find places to nest out of people's way. In the old days, before the hen was incarcerated in prison camps and forced to lay eggs on cue, this created a problem for those trying to find fresh eggs. The Romans made nests for hens, but the hens often ignored them."

The author goes on tell of her father putting chicken wire around an old tennis court and putting 100 hens inside. The hens promptly found ways of getting under wire and laying their eggs in surrounding fields and marshes. Since England was still under postwar food rationing, the local inspector ordered the family to give over half the eggs they raised. The problem was, very few eggs could be found because the hens had hidden them so carefully. But then came heavy rains, which caused the river to back up into their back yard. Their was a horrid smell of sulphur, because the rising water had levitated all the rotting, hidden eggs so that they bobbed on the surface.

That's just what I needed to hear...

*puts out some in her Cal-Trap-O-Matic*

Thanks, lil!

I just wanted to show you the lighter side of eggs, Batty. I found it insanely funny.

The second chapter moves to France, and shows how classic French cuisine could not have developed without the egg as a foundation, given its importance in sauces such as bearnaise, mayonnaise, creme caramel, mousses, etc.

*spies a greeh in the corner*



*sneeks over to it*



*looks all innocent *



*slides his hand out and places it gently around the glass*




*slowly starts to......* *realises that his and in now caught in a big clamp*


*panics*



*has forgotten to bring his too*


*panics some more*




*faints*

Batty, has the hen laid any more eggs in your window box?

*looks up from where she's been gently stirring a bowl of Hershey's es and warmed heavy cream into ganache*



Oh my!! Cal!



*cushions Cal's head with her own then looks at Paulie*

Unfortunately Paulie all we have is the hard boiled eggs we placed there, which are guaranteed to get increasingly funky with the hot weather we've been having.

Would you mind handing me that bowl of ganache I've been tempering?

Why did you put hardboiled eggs rather than raw ones in the window box?

They'd last longer...

While you're at the counter can you hand me that nice paint brush with the

*comes round to see Batty advancing on him with a huge bowl of and a paint brush*



*wonder what the paint brush is for* *frowns*



Ohhhhhhhhhhh *faints again*

Do I see what I think I see?

Looks like a chocolate-covered Cal

STAND BACK!

...*rushes to Cal, tripping over Batty...but makes wonderful contact in Cal's arm with her Vodka IV...*

There ya' go Batty! Now when, er, IF you bite him you'll have a tasty treat and he'll be feeling no pain.

Noooo you can't do that!!!


*watches as the Trog blood mixes with the Vodka and turns to absinthe*


Oh Dear Me!!