h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm off.

Being essentially a rationalist I know the communication won't happen.

I'd put very good money on it not happening.

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And she doesn't know what she's lost.

Things on the up though.

Cat came round for food. Good music on the stereo. Nice breeze outside.

Angst can go to hell.

And so someone comes here to yikes more of my journal posts.

I think I'm getting the message now about what's going on and who's doing stuff.

This is what comes have fundamentally having an open and good heart towards others..and making yourself vulnerable so you get attached to people.

And someone extra stupid and naive like me.

But I'm wising up for noohootoo.

Hopefully others on site will see it. I'm certain my real friends will stand by me.

And the cat is coming round every 5 minutes for food now..but she's so *genuine*..

Kea I think there's a good chance you read this.

And I'm still fully happy to discuss things with you...but only by email now.

I take a risk in that..because you might suddenly cut off everything.

But I will do that because we were friends for 5 years and its really hurting me whats happening...and I think you maybe in a state because of stuff happening to you IRL. But this is also affecting me IRL.

But if you refuse that..I'll live. But you know as well as I do deep down that's what's needed.

For god's sakes we all only have 3 score and 10, take a risk.

I'm off for music and vodka.

And no I'm not going to hold back like people keep saying...

Sometimes its important to crash through into things. That's all that works. But most people are too scared to do that...like it's going to kill someone..

It won't. It can be the best thing when the person doing it has good intentions.

And I haven't even got round to eating those oysters..but they are still alive of course and I'll eat them tomorrow hopefully..if I have an appetite...or I'll give them to that cat. Except it takes half an hour to open each one...that's why I like them.

the vodka has run low...but still plenty of the wine to go with the oysters.

And there's music to go on all night.

How can she not love me?

I think I'll watch some Jam again.

And its all to do with that stupid cold presbyterian thing you get in NZ.

Ancestors of mine went there...actually made a lot of money to with something to do with sheep...sent the money home which meant my grandad could buy his house. But they had no children so they died out.

Can't remember the name of the place they lived in or where buried in...though my parents have visited the graves. Can't say I'm interested to do visit them.

I wonder how well she would get on with that Maori guy...that I got on so well with. He loved me for the way I am as a person. It didn't need a lot of cultural theories..or ideas of bad behaviour on h2g2.

I couldn't imagine he'd have the slightest interest in this place.

And I'm going to carry on posting the truth here.

And there's never going to be a proper reconciliation that I want so much.

There would be if stupid theories didn't get in the way.

That Maori guy liked me for my fundamental bravery. I'll take that.

One thing I fully confront is there is an open sore that won't go away unless its talked about. And it has to be talked about in private...honestly, without other people panicking and jumping in.

A nice thing for noohootoo to start with...