h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm going back to bed.

After many disturbed dreams, woke up in a slightly better mood..

Didn't really know which journal to put it on...but this is my favourite.

It's just so sunny and nice and nice now outside. It's autumn. Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness. I like it.

Actually I love it.

what's that extra 'and nice' doing there?

More Jam. Can't keep imposing it on the lesbian thread.

That's Entertainment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-H0uIH5HHQ&feature=relmfu

I feel quite a lot happier suddenly. Don't know how long it'll last though But it does feel good for now.

This guy is making my life a complete and utter misery here. i cannot emphasise enough how unhappy this makes me. http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/F110511?thread=8274990 I notice his incredibly nasty reply has now been yikesed.

Oh well c'est la vie. (that's life). Even journals are to be invaded, where people are trying their hardest to express things so they don't hurt on others on site. Bring on the new site.

But maybe I'm allowed to say how incredibly unhappy I've been made..that can't be properly expressed.

I wish to god I knew of some other site to have good intelligent discussion so I could get out of this hell hole.

I will find one I'm sure if I keep searching.

I'm not putting up with any more sht directed at me here from men. But I'll be really calm about explaining about posts that are hurtful and context.

I'll explain to the people running the new site who has done it and how unacceptable it is in my opinion.

Everything is swaying around again in a really warm wind..and Nature is such a relief. All the wildflower meadow I worked on for a year, and the hedegrow plants, hawthorn, blackthorn, field maple, haxel, holly, oak, hornbeam, are doing well..oh and the wild briar and the wild hop plant, black bryony..and the cuttings I took which are taking.

And the pond with frog bit and hornwort..and now with an actual frog.

All this stuff will help me deal with present unhappiness in real life and here.

No-one can take that from me. And those are the things that most to me...like the huge number of sparrows that live in the big hedge...and yet they are in decline in London, but not here. And they got to learn how to hide in the hedge so cats and sparrow hawks can't get them.

Those are the *strong* things I'll hold onto whatever people do to me. If i'm living in some weird Nature world i don't care.

And I'm going to start sleeping out in it. And I can make Art of that.

I *hate* this place. I want to get out of it. It's just I got so dependent on it of late.

But I want to get out of it.

At any moment there are various people here who will attack me. And they know i just don't have the psychological defences to deal with it. they know about my dependency.

But I could cope with the hurt.

But its the idea that they *want* to attack me. Why?

I can trust anhaga and jwf.

It shows how bad its got that someone would actually come to this journal and yikes something so precious to me as a way of coping with my emotions.

I'm going to get smashed.

Already half smashed.

A way to go yet though.

I really realised that my problem is that I'm too dependent on this hell hole.

Trouble is I don't know how to get my defences back to deal with here or real life. I'm just so vulnerable. The only thing that will do it is rage. And I'm *not* doing that anymore..hence I'll carry on writing here. But I'll have to be more careful now though if at any moment someone will come in and yikes.

No-one replies to me here because they know what this journal is about for me. It's a way of dealing with my strong emotions that I have chosen. I talk nonsense a lot of the time because I need to. Its not a journal for someone to beam into and yikes.

Yes I might sound off against people on h2g2 here. But its not to be taken too seriously. An intelligent person would know that...and dam well leave me alone..

Off to get fully smashed.

And I'm very pleased I have some good strong relationships with people here that I love like anhaga, taff, jwf....and thank god kea again. Good with Mags, tarantoes, 2legs.

I'm not letting anything mess that up...so I'll carry on posting whatever I need to here...and if the occasional post gets yikesed I'll live with it.

Hopefully it won't happen in the new site.

what a lovely place this is.

I wrote a very reasonable message to someone here about my hurt and asking them to treat me better.

They replied in vicious tone.

Now the whole thing has been disappeared.

And I'm getting more yikesing of my journals. Nobody will be satisfied until they've really pushed me over the edge.

the are a bit jumpy and trigger happy these days

dont take it personal