h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

By the way, GB, I wasn't trying to horn in on Bob--though he is a sweetheart. A blind man (or MOG) could see that he is TOTALLY smitten with you. But if you two DO ever come to Florida, the offer of a cocktail stands.

That's nice to know, thanks!

I'm ALIVE!!!!!!

How is your grandson getting along these days?

Jesus Christ, that's a good question! (Did I just take the name of the son of the son of the mother of God in vain?)

As I recall, living in the shadow of his dad made Jr. a bit of a hippy. You know how it is with conservative parents and rebellious children...

However, I will allow the smart and stunning cyber seductress MOG to elucidate, as it is her family tree. The Majestic Moose is merely a simple Muse.

Well, amuse me, Moose J.C. is a limb of the family tree that I might or might not chose to climb out on, depending on the ratio of blood in my alcohol stream at any given moment. Never was entirely sure he was really part of the bloodline, anyway. Virgin Mary my arse! Think she just pulled the lambs wool over Joseph's eyes, and God went along with the gag.

As you know the story almost as well as I do, feel free to set the record straight for humanity. I'll chime in if I see you've missed anything important. I do have another little project under way, and it'll free me up to devote some time to that venture.

Was that a squirm?

The Mother of God never squirms, she shimmies, shakes, flickers or wriggles. This I know.

I also know that after some time Peetie got bored physically playing with the world and its inhabitants. There's only so many times you can make people into pillars of salt or turn some poor old man's walking stick into a snake (which left the senior citizen fallen flat on his ass) before it gets old.
The Mother of God told Peetie that his world was a mess and that he should clean it up right away or she'd tell man about the other 32 commandments. Peetie resented having to clean up and spitefully caused a flood which lasted for nearly as many days as there should have been commandments. That, he thought, would show the Mother of God.
It took MOG some time to get wind of these events, as she was on the far side of the Andromeda Galaxy at the popular beachfront drinking establishment of Rinulga IV, the Tentacle Tube. She had been there for several thousand years trying to break the universal record for most drinks bought for a lady when someone told her that Peetie had drowned the earth.
The MOG did not want to disrupt her record-setting activities, so to teach him a lesson she asked the his sister, the Great Galactic Wench (known here by other names) to invent a suitable punishment. It seems that there was this woman named Mary who was trying to convince her new husband Joseph that she was still a virgin by claiming her child was part of the God family. The GGW decided that Peetie would make an excellent foster father for this baby Jesus. MOG approved, knowing what a pain in the ass children can be....

To be continued... perhaps...

So, MOG, what do you think?

{salivates, shudders and moans} You forgot those behaviors, MM. By the way, I HAVE been known to squirm, but only when I get caught with my panties down. That hasn't happened in millenia...

I think you're telling the tale just fine! It helps my credibility, too, because then people won't think I'm just a mean momma spanking her boy in public places. It's just time to set the record straight, once and for all.

And you just destryd a perfecly good immage to
Mike whats this about you running off to florida and why wasent I invited...and dont give me anything about not being able to contact me in Germony eather

Hi Vince If it's my image I destroyed for you, I'm very sorry. After all, we deities do have feet of clay. I'd say I'm only human, but...{gazes unhappily into her cocktail} just 'cause you mortals seem to need to have someone to put on a pedestal, doesn't mean I can't have any fun. That wouldn't be fair.

I apologize for abusing your illusions, but where exactly does the disappointment lie? God, JC, MOG, The 42 'Rules of Thumb' that Peetie twisted into the 10 Commandments?

If its your preconceived image of MOG that has been shattered, just remember that she changes like the wind while staying the same. Like any good Madonna, Celestial or otherwise, she is always reinventing herself, so all notions are both true and false to some extent.

(private message to MM--please do not read beyond this point for fear of losing your rosy delusions) Thanks for sticking up for me, big guy! It's not always easy being me. I'm glad you understand that while I remain true to myself, and have a certain inherent validity, it's not necessarily a continuum to the rest of the world. And that's my business

First of all Vince you are invited secondly I have no where near the mony I will need so it is likly to be this time next year. and lastly
You leave MOG alone other than being the relative of one of my gardees she is my riend and that means she can destroy any image she cratse that she wannts to
LOL

Thanks, sweetie! If it's any help financially, you fellas are welcome to camp on my futon while you're here in town. Mi casa est su casa.

Sounds more coftable than the car

I would hope that all our viewers at home, so to speak, would be able to distinguish MOG: the Myth, the Legend from MOG: the recently computerized congenial cosmetina. By the same token, I hope they don't think my cosmic Antlers of Awareness are a physical thing, I'd keep breaking the glass on my monitor. (Although they can feel free to imagine....)

I wouldn't presume to define the genuine article, since you're the only one who does it so well. I wouldn't want to face the wrath of MOG, after all....

As for your defense, you handle it so well yourself, but since I'm no longer lurking around to scare away the rabble with my physical presence, I needed the exercise.

*hits her computer and curses that she's missed the backlog... again*

(Just a breif update from our sponsor...commercial break...will be returning to our regular program soon)

After these messages, we'll be riiiiggghhht back!
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