h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*grins*
Oooh, champagne? Excellent

{clinks glasses with Tweetie} Plenty more where that came from, honey. Chin chin!

A little while ago Bob asked whether God planned the Earth's geography. Well, not exactly. But everything always works out for the best in this best of all possible worlds, and God's especially lucky that way. As I've already explained the creation of the cosmos, Heaven, and Hell, this is as good a time as any to go into that question. NO whispering in the back of the class, or I'll whack you with my ruler!

Initially God designed this planet with a single land mass and a lot of water. When we watched it spinning from a fixed point in space it looked like this: water...water...water...water...water...water...L A N D...water...water..water... It was a little too boring to be aesthetically pleasing. And, because it was unevenly balanced, God couldn't get the Earth to make a nice, regular orbit. It tended to wobble some, kind of like Bob did earlier on his way to and from the bar. God tinkered with it for a while, but couldn't get it tracking properly. In a fit of childish frustration he smote it with his mighty fist, *SMACK* in the middle of the LAND. This caused the Earth to tremble, and the land mass cracked and split, and began to drift apart. Eventually the continents more-or-less settled, although they do still move around very slowly. The lucky thing was that the redistribution of weight evened out the orbit, so, once again, God came out on top.

The stress of gradual movement builds up over time, and when released causes the earthquakes we occasionally experience. Although humans view this as disaster, it is good for the planet as a whole. It needs to blow off steam, too.

You might not be aware of this, but the Earth is a living thing, too. It has a different level of consciousness than the parasites which inhabit it. As it is nearly immortal and doesn't exactly experience emotion, very few humans have recognized Earth as a living organism, and it rarely notices our movements, either. Kind of like a person--teeming with bacteria at all times, but we only react to them when the bacteria do something harmful to the organism as a whole. Hurricanes, tornados, floods and volcanos are the result of Earth's immune system working to bring everything back into proper balance and curb the expansion of its parasites to a supportable population. Unfortunately, the parasites are highly adaptive, kind of like AIDS, and are doing their best to destroy their host.

{wipes a tear from her eye and excuses herself for a moment}

Hi, I am having a devil of a time {excuse my language!} convincing someone that I am not you. Bear with me. If you would please reply to this, as fast as you can, then I will reply, etc., I will be able to show this person positive proof that I am not you. Of course, this scheme of mine will not work if you don't respond. But I would be very grateful if you would. I have some pull around here. I may even be able to do something about that peeping tom of yours. Thanks...

Of COURSE you aren't ME!!!! We don't even have the same taste in feather boas, much less shoes. But you're a fine pal to go out drinking with

Thank you!
I'll take that as a compliment.
However, he's got a suspicious mind, so would you mind posting here just for a few minutes? Sort of positive proof? {He will think I have time to change identities otherwise}

WHO has this "suspicious mind"? St. Bob? If so, I'll slap him around for you, if you bring him to Florida...

Cancel that--I think he'd enjoy it too much, and that would not help matters. But you can come for a cosmicpolitan at the Elbo Room...

Er....if there is going to be any slapping around of St.Bob, I'll do it! He's my boyfriend! No, it's not the gorgeous St.Bob. Can't you guess who it is?

*grins*
Gosh- someone has an active imagination, huh GB?
That thought didn't cross my mind even once...

And I have been having ~such~ a hard time, trying to convince him I am ~not~ you, we must be very similar in our style of writing? I'll have to check out your page, and you mine! I wish I lived in Florida though, instead of rainy old GB, although it has been gorgeous today...an Indian Summer's Day!

I'm not in the mood for guessing games right now--haven't progressed beyond coffee this morning. But will be signing off soon, to go outside in the sun and tan the great white belly (new bikini) and meet with an ICQ buddy to see if he can help me with the Thunderpussy venture...

I am not even going to pretend to understand that, MOG. But I have had a pleasant time here, and I hope you'll visit my page & I'll view yours. Have a nice day! {I will copy & paste this page and email it to him, & I will let you know who it was}. Thanks for all your help.
Love from GB {St.Bob's other half} xxxx

*finding her conversations at h2g2 a bit quite right now*

Anyone wanna chat at egroups?

I have never been able to get that to work for me, Titania. Do you have ICQ or Yahoo, I can chat in real-time on those...

I've already been to your page--I'm a nosy wench. If you snoop around mine you'll understand the Thunderpussy reference. Hope I was able to help sort out the identity crisis You have a great day, too.

GB, where at yahoo?

on Messenger annieogle

Hmmm, had trouble with messenger, see you later - at h2g2 quiz no doubt!

I got your messages, I was just away from the computer By the time I had answered you, you'd gone. No doubt we'll be in the right place at the right time sometime soon, Titania

Do you mean I got throught to you?

*decides she's got to explore the messenger-mode more closely*