h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah, its hard to explain to most people that you are interested in the "textural feel" of a brick. You do tend to get some funny looks, but I know exactly what you mean. Why the choice of photography then? Did you plan to do anything with it, or was it just filling in the gaps at Uni?

I was doing Occupational Therapy at Uni and you had to pick several "arty" type courses to go along with it, cos in the days after the war, occupational therapy was more doing creative stuff with wounded soldiers and the like! Nowadays they try to make it sound all intellectual and theory based but at my uni, the course was run by an auld spinster who trained during the war and she insisted! It was like a finishing school!!!!

I also did woodwork(!!!???you wanna be seeing my carved wooden duck bookends!!) and jewellery making and graphic design & printing!!! I have official modules in those!!! oooh and pottery and puppet making(?!) were obligatory, you had to do those!

Ooooh, now I do wanna see the duck book-ends, they sound fab!!!

I have this mental picture of you looking very, very lost in a woodworking shop...

Hey, I'm right at home with a vice and a hand plane! I was my Dad's best helper when he was making stuff! Every year dad used to make a huge wooden toboggan (not a sledge, it was a proper old fashioned toboggan) for us for the winter and I used to be first mate in the attic! Cos thats where his shed type place was!!

And I'm a dab hand with a woodworking lathe! Expert at spindle making, me! Used to run a woodworking class for my psychie patients for years.

So there!!!!

Firstly, that's me told!! Sorry....

Secondly, blimey, you've got some strings in your bow haven't you? I will remember that before I jump to anymore stupid conclusions. I forgot you were a Tomboy, it's that damn piccie that's confused me...

Forget the darn picture! As I said, people always look at me and think, aw how sweet and innocent!!!!! Thats why bro and sis treat me like a 3 yr old and completly unable to form an original thought!

Although I am fairly good at girly things! I can cook, sew, embroider and I hand-make a lot of greetings cards too! I used to sell hand-made rabbits and teddies at uni to make pennies. Not fluffy toys but really fancy ones with ruffles and stuff for new babies and christenings! And I made my sisters wedding dress and the wedding cake and all the favours!!!! Yay, go me!

Yay, go you too!!!

I know you are not one to take offence easily, but it was a very stupid, mis-informed chauvanist comment. So I apologise...

Let's try this another way. Is there anything you absolutely can't do and are emabarrassingly hopeless at??

Singing!!!! Im absolutely sh#t at singing!

Not too hot with pooters, either! My ambition outstrips my talent in a big way!

Don't like heights so never tried parachuting or abseiling or anything like that.

Singing, I can do and pooters I like messing with. I like pulling them apart and making them do different things, but I have far less patience with software that I used to have - I wasted far too much of my life trying to get software to run reliably on clients sites.

I'm an electronics engineer by trade, that's my true love fiddling with circuits and components. I used to work for Marconi, doing all sorts of strange stuff with bits of ship and aeroplane radar. It was all a bit hush hush, Official Secrets Act stuff, but that was an ace job. But then the Government screwed up on the Nimrod/Awax contracts and I got laid off.

I've done abseiling, that can be fun - we often rig some sort of system up when we go out playing with our winches, usually trying to get people and other weird shaped objects across rivers and the like. I doubt I could do a parachute jump, though. I don't mind anything risky that I'm totally in control of, but if there's an element of doubt, like a parachute not opening, then I tend to go for the No Thanks option...

See, people can always do stuff that other people cant! I can't act on a stage either, although I can do it in a pub when I'm half pished! I can't carry a tune in a bucket! Used to help out at peantomime time with scenery painting and costumes tho'.

Mr Top Secret Man, eh? My Dad started out his working life as an electronics engineer! He's always got a spare circuit board and a bit of solder in his pockets, even now!! He used to work for NCR (the cash machine people) before he retired and used to do a lot of freelance work and lecturing at Dundee University in electronics and in network technology. How does going from electronics to carp importer and doing tax returns work then????

I'm also extremely carp at timekeeping and I break everything I look at! I'm very clumsy, (oops) and I lose everything! My friends call me the Ditzy Bitch!!! I can't go out for an evening without running round looking for keys, phone, lippy, fags, lighter, wallet, bank cards and then I lock the door and realise i've left the iron and the straighteners and the telly and everything else on

I don't import carp, my mate does. After I left Marconi, I started work for a small cash register company based in Norwich. I didn't really want the job, but they needed an engineer to fix the broken stuff and I took it on, thinking it would do as a stop gap job, before I found something better. To cut a long story short, I ended up buying it when the my old boss wanted to retire. I built it up with a partner to be quite successful and we sold it about 18 months ago when all the Chip and PIN stuff started to roll out. We knew there would be a huge market, but we didn't want the hassle - so when we found a buyer who wanted to pay the right price we got out. Best thing I ever did.

My mate who imports the carp, was having hassle with a product called an ozone generator. Because it's mainly electronics and engineering, I bought a stake in this fledgling company, hoping to make a profit, not by working in the company, but by using my business knowledge to guide it in the right direction. I look after the accounts stuff, cos the guys who work in the business haven't got a clue. Have you heard of business angels? They are people who basically stick money into small/failing companies and use thier skill to turn it around, but take a large stake in the equity to reflect the risk. It's very similar to what I am doing. I like it, it keeps my brain working and my hand in, but it doesn't take much of my time.

I'm not very dis-organised, in fact I can be annoyingly precise. But then, that's just how people differ - I'm no way as intelligent as you!!

See, I'd be carp at that business lark, not got that kind of a head! I'm not specially intelligent, I don't think, can be a right thick bitch at times but I do retain a huge amount of useless info that only comes in handy at quizzes!!! I read loads and you can pick up all sorts of info like that!

I'm not into astrology and all that new age carp, but I am a very typical Sagittarius, I know what I want and will get it, its just the little minor details on getting there that fall by the wayside!

Never have gone in for the star signs stuff. How can a twelfth of the population all be having the same day??

Maybe it's the stuff in your head that makes you sound very academic!! I'm fairly useless with facts and trivia, hence why I always lose the quiz. Not done that well tonite...

Two questions. Is Dunfermline near Dundee, and are you still at work??

Dunfermline's bout 50 miles away. I used to work there! Nice town.

And I am still in the office! Been on the phone to sis for past 2 hours and it's cheaper for her to phone here rather than my mobile. She got back from Cyprus yesterday and we had to catch up! She's considering calling this baby Niall and she needs a good talking to to get that out of her head!!!

Oooh, sorry, I've been interrupting your conversation - you should have said.

Niall is OK, a little "modern" for me...

She's gibbering away to herself! I just need to add in a few "yeah"s every now and then and she'll just carry on!!! I'm also trying to find her cheap flights to Cyprus for Xmas! She's getting away ahead in her plans here!

Niall is awful, but she wants to call it Isla if it's a girl!!!! Thats worse! Hope the poor kid doesn't wanna marry Bob White when she grows up! Isla White!!!!!!!!

Crikey, Xmas is months away, we've only just rid of the last one! How long has she got to go now before the big day?

4 months!!!!! Not like its next week or anything! She's wittering bout prams and stuff already! I get this weekly roundup of her morning sickness and what shes bought so far!

So, like end of August time then? I thought it was only a couple of months and that was why you were taking July and August as holiday...

I was only messing with Stu bout his "appointment". I'll be in here 24 hours a day come July and August, it's our busiest time! Shes due beginning of Sept. I'll go home after but no way going near her beforehand!!! My ears would burst! Shes just gone now after phoning me at 8.30!!!!