h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi...
...been off work today..I've got gastric flu!
Did you send me some nasty bug?
Not sure what I'm up to tomorrow...may stay and sleep again....
..but running low on alcohol supplies...should've kept some of that cognac!

Are you sure you're really sick? Have a feeling it's just your low alcohol level speaking...
Gastric flu, hmmm...?
Didn't eat any shrimp salad, did you?!?
For your sake, I hope not!!
Can turn really nasty, lemme tell you that!
Well, don't worry 'bout the cognac: I've got something better!

No..no shrimp salad...just lots of children with lots of germs and me too tired to fight them off!
So I'm still off work still in bed and exhausted and too scared to eat in case...well you know the rest...
So Dr Fogg what do you perscribe?

Warmth is very important, as is a minimum of physical activity.
In your present situation, the best way to achieve this is to have someone join you in bed.
But then, who would want your germs?
Too scared to eat? Too bad. I'm baking brownies right now. Doing better. Could eat a horse. Plus stall.

I'm also terminally bored!
Feel too weak (pathetic aren't I?) to do anything ...
...but then anything I've eaten has manifested itself in a slightly different form!
So come on any ideas to cheer me up or make me feel better???

Let me think of something.-
Meanwhile, I'll tell you this joke (corny, but I love it):
Japan has sent 50 000 000 cases of Viagra to the United States.
They heard they had an election problem.

Liked that one...hey I even smiled!
Brownies doing well?
Still haven't eaten...just like being on a date with you!
Anyhow..done nothing except sleep and sit here so nothing much to say!
God I hate this!

Oh, come on, now, be positive!
Look at the bright side!
Like... well, you know... err... hmmm....
You're right. Hate it.
You could tell me a few more things about yourself.
Still don't know too much.

Just make sure you don't tell me anything you might have to kill me for.

Hah!
Knew that would scare you off!!
Oh well.
Get well soon!!

Ok...what would you like to know?
You know my age (careful!), mental age, where I live and what I do...so...go on throw me some questions and I'll do my best to answer them truthfully (hee hee!)

What's your opinion on rough-sanded beaches?
What's your stance on wet towels that don't dry till morning?
Do you think the keeping of yellow-eyed frogs should be prohibited?
Err.. we could start with what you do besides teaching, if that's better...
So where have you been except France and Spain? Anywhere?
Heard the English never leave their cosy little island until it's too late (for what?).
Wait... What time is it...
Ohmegosh!! Off to uni!
Late again!
See 'ya!

Yes..leave the country frequently...been to India, Florida, Egypt and Jordan this year!
So rough-sanded beaches and slightly damp towels I can live with...as long as the sun's shining!
Other things? Well, occasionally, when I'm let out I see friends and love to sit, eat, drink and chat!
I love nearly all music...and I sometimes read too...when my head's not too full of school stuff!
And you? How's uni going?

It would be going better if the professors were any good... Unfortunately, they aren't.
But otherwise, it's quite all right. I'm glad it's half over, though.
Fortunately, I do other things, as well (yes, really!).
Right now, I'm working on a screenplay which I hope might get people interested. Well, I hope.
You've been to four different places this year??
Seems like teaching pays well in England...
Where did you go in India?

Went to Goa..which I know isn't "real" India, but it's a great place never the less! Went the year before too..really love it!
Teaching does not pay marvellously well, but I am also a manager (apparently) so that gives a few extra pennies! Also I don't have that many outgoings..no kids to pay for etc..just me!
So screen plays eh?
You'll have to let me read it/them....I'd be really interested!
I've been up and about today...feel a bit better...so when we going out again?

Dunno... Tonight??
If you were to read my screenplays, you'd have to cross a lot of water, first...
But at least they are in English. Yes, you mightn't believe it, but my English *can* be quite good, you know... All right. I'm hunting for praise here. Sorry.
Manager? Managing what? Doesn't surprise me, frankly... Heading GM must be child's play to anyone capable of keeping hundreds of little brats in line... Had enough of that for today, and we're talking of only *one* single little monster here. Enough to make my professional life hell.
Maybe I'm weak. Yes, that would explain a lot...
Any tips on how to keep endearing little terrorists from killing you??
Glad to hear you're doing better. Keep it up!!

Now look...if you want me to be available you're going to have to give me prior warning!
I have loads of tips on how to keep children under control..doesn't always work admittedly..but a co-worker did tell me that I should run courses on how to do my job....hmm...think she was fishing for a Christmas present??
So no emailed texts?? I could proof read for you..how upsetting...
So let's make a definate "date" I mean our first encounter went on for quite some time....my boots have never been the same since...not to mention me!!

Oh boy... A definite date... It's the word "definite" that poses a little problem here...
As you've no doubt realized till now, I'm not too reliable...
(Katharine: "What do you hate most?" -Almasy: "Ownership. Being owned.")
Well, if you must pin me down, how about Monday night? Tell me which time is good for you.
By the way: when exactly do you go to sleep? Evidently, not before three o'clock in the morning...
Well, I'm off to the movies now. Really wanna see "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou". Nutty title.

Sorry...
had loads of work on tonight!
But have produced a lovely newsletter!
So film good?
Why wasn't I invited??
Ahh like that now is it?? New posh flat overlooking the park and writing film scripts...just a poor distant memory of a friend!
So when does Christmas start for you?

Sorry...
had loads of work on tonight!
But have produced a lovely newsletter!
So film good?
Why wasn't I invited??
Ahh like that now is it?? New posh flat overlooking the park and writing film scripts...just a poor distant memory of a friend!
So when does Christmas start for you?

Sorry. Just didn't want you to see what sort of place I work at...
There's a rumor that at one point in its long, long history, the theatre used to run little flicks of a slightly different kind... The owner refuses to comment, so there must be some truth to this...
Newsletter? For school? Wow. Wish we had something like that over here, too. Parents are usually left pretty much in the dark concerning anything that goes on in school.
The movie was interesting. Not perfect, but pretty weird, and I quite like that. You should see it.
Christmas? Ooops... Totally forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me. Well, since I live alone now, I suppose it won't really start till I find someone who'll invite me... Ooohhhh......
I do have plans for New Year's Eve, though. Planning to go to Vienna.
Always a special feeling.