h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Err... Mashed potatoes? What do you mean, "mashed potatoes"???
I didn't say that, now, did I??
Where's the booze?
*sees waiter come by, carrying a tray with bottles on it*
Ahh.... Here it comes...
*grabs waiter by the collar, robs bottle, lets go of waiter again who promptly moves on; pours glass for zuzu*
There you are... See, I'm improving, aren't I?? Thought of you first....
Good news, by the way. I finally found a place to live. It will just about bankrupt me, but that's life.... that's what all the people say...
*stops singing as he sees zuzu's expression, which could be interpreted as mild embarrassment*
Sorry. I'm just so happy!!!
What about you? Have you managed to resolve your problems yet?
If not... Have another glass (or bottle, or keg, or swimming-pool) of wine....
How's your cat? Plotting to escape once again?

God I need this wine!
*Downs glass in one*
Pour me another..on second thoughts..I'll take the swimming pool..
Cat is asleep in the middle of my bed (lucky thing...wish I was). Seems purrfectly content with her lot(lucky thing...wish I was).
Had day from Hell part deux....
Today was problems with parents day....still got to write up last meeting...which was not too healthy!
Glad you're happy...what's your new home like? I have a home..all mine! But just need a life outside of school to make it all seem a little brighter...
Right that's the shallow end gone....just going to sup the rest of the deep end now....
May book tomorrow off...with this hangover......

Oh boy. Sounds like you're not too happy over there. How about taking a few days off? Can you do that as a teacher? In Germany, it happens all the time.
A life outside school? I think the majority of teachers have that problem. My English teacher decided to take a few years off when her first child arrived, and then she just found out, "Hey, you know what? I like this!" As a result, she stayed away for much longer than planned originally, did whatever it is teachers do in their free time (???), and finally returned to school quite happily. And now she loves her work - she wouldn't want to do anything else. But she's pretty sure that the break was crucial, and she wouldn't be half as happy now without it.
I'm not suggesting you should get yourself pregnant now, hehe, but maybe there'll be a moment one day when you decide that something different should be done for a while right now. I don't know if this is possible in Britain, but if it is, why not?
My new home is wonderful! It's just a one-room apartment, but the size is just about right, and the location is perfect. The view is just marvellous, right on the English Garden (have no idea why they call it like this), which is the biggest park in the world (not bad, eh?)!!!
It's situated close to the uni, too, and, as chance would have it, it's right in my sister's new neighbourhood (she's just moving as well).
So, you could say I'm quite happy right now. Just stick with me, and my luck might rub off on you (a very troublesome term in American English. Got myself into a bad situation with this one once....)!!!


Hang in there!!



And all other plans failing, hang on to the wine....

No..time off not an option..in fact should start school holiday on friday, but off for the weekend with the kids on an activity weekend....just a sucker for punishment!
I do like the job..it's just been hard work recently..
Hey the apartment sounds great! When do you move in?
Pass that new bottle by the way...
Let's order food too..what do you fancy?
You have money too..I saw your wallet before..what's the most expensive thing on the menu?

I'm moving in at the beginning of November. I hope.
So what's an activity weekend? Punishment? For what??
What's the most expensive thing on the menu.... Lessee.... Ah, how about this: shrimp salad sound good? Yes? I think I'll have that.
And lets order some bread for you. And water.
Now don't give me that look.... There's only money for one of us. Be sensible. Besides, I'm worried about your health. No, really!
What's that in your hand? Is that a knife? Put it away before you hurt somebody! Err... Would you kindly remove this thing from my throat??
All right, you win. You can have the salad.... and the wine, too....

So...come on then...where's this good luck that's supposed to be rubbing offf on me?
I've not seen anything like it at all recently!
In fact, quite the opposite!
Had a dreadful weekend, with no sleep, which enjoyed it's final crowning finale in a hospital all Saturday night, and then again Sunday morning...where's the justice there please?
Let's hope Barcelona will be more enjoyable! It couldn't really be much worse...shouldn't ahev said that...could be the kiss of death...ah well....
Look if you think a stupid little salad is an adequate meal, you are sadly mistaken...I'll order a proper repast...
Garcon!!!..ummm...the duck please...followed by that chocolate gateau over there....yes that one...no not one slice man....all of it!!!

Hmm... One might get the idea that you´ve got a serious interest in bankrupting me... Oh well... ANYTHING to make you feel better!
(ain´t that sweet)
Was it you who was in hospital, then? Hope not. Some things hard-working people like doctors just shouldn´t have to see.... (boy, am I gonna get it now; JOKE!!!)
Where´s the justice? I think it´s busy getting drunk. Or something. Don´t expect it to sober up all too soon.
Tell me what you did on this dreadful weekend of yours.
When are you going to Barcelona?

No I was not the patient. I had 2 kids who were and unfortunately this is not the forum to discuss it..but it was an horrendous experience, but they are both OK now. But I'm afraid that's the last school trip I organise..any staff taking part do so on a voluntary basis and the responsibility is just too great..so no more!
Barcelona is tomorrow....back at the weekend...a well needed rest and indulgence exercise.
Speaking of which, so good of you to buy me this little meal..pass that bottle again please...my glass seems to be empty again. I'm sure you syphon this off whilst I'm not looking....come on you said anything to make me feel better...go on buy another bottle..was that a moth that just flew out of your wallet??

It didn't fly out. It fell.
Well, hope you'll have lots of fun in Barcelona. Watch out for those bulls (heavy metaphor....)! But, hey, you won't be reading this until you're back, will you??
I'm moving next Saturday. Sounds like fun. Unfortunately, this probably means that I'll have to postpone our little date for a few days until I find a new modem, and manage to install it, too. Don't run away, please!! I'm writing this on my sister's new laptop thingy. As I get tempted more and more to steal this thing the more keys I hit, I think I'd better stop now.

See 'ya!!

And no more school trips.

Hi!
I'm home!
Exhausted, but feeling thoroughly better about life! Had a wonderful time. There were 5 of us who went, and it's been a very theraputic sight-seeing/shopping/eating/drinking/laughing sort of experience. The weather was good too! Unfortunately it's not very nice here now!
Still memories of Gaudi (took a ridiculous amount of photos!) are good for the soul and I have lots of lovely purchases to make me feel better!
So moving in eh (little date??)? When's the flat-warming party?? I've bought this bottle of rather fine strong stuff at the airport (actually and some nice cognac) so just give me date/time/address and I'll be round! But you'd better hurry...don't think it'll be here long!

Guess what!!

!!!!!!PHIL'S BACK!!!!!!

HURRAYYYY!!!!

Put that rope away - life's worth living again!!!

"So moving in"?????
You have no idea. When I've recovered a little and returned to my usual, less exhausted, relaxed, enchanting, chivalrous, vicious self (whereever that may be - still looking), we might settle down in front of a warm, romantic fire and I might just tell you about my odyssey.
But none of my hardships were for nothing - my life has new meaning: hating this little twerp called Bill Gates. Hope the feds will lock him up in a place were bad haircuts result in physical assaults. Maybe even murder.
I spent days gearing up my computer. I never would have believed that it might be so difficult to install a simple modem. I just spent seven hours in front of my computer to install every single item that was supposed to be there already, but for some reason wasn't, and then to find out why none of all that %$§# worked.
But, hey, I made it!!! Against all odds, I made it!!!
Ahhh, hand me a glass of this cognac of yours, will 'ya?

Don't tell me it's all gone???

All went a long time ago!!
As did my patience!
Where the bloody hell have you been??
Oh out with that Bill Gates...picking up women and up to all sorts no doubt!! When I see him I'll give him a piece of my mind (don't even think about it!!!)...
..you're lucky I'm still here..
..in fact I might not be...
...still trying to decide....

I am truly and dreadfully sorry!! Sooooooooooo sorry!!!

Don't leave, please!!! I don't wanna be left out here in the cold, all alone.... With all those nasty frogs around me..
The trouble is, I was terribly busy the last couple of weeks. Moving was hell - nothing worked out as it should. I was even forced to sleep at the theatre one night - can you imgine how comfortable those seats are when you stretch out on them??!
Simultaniously, uni started again, AND I had to work every single day, and night, occasionally.
Plus, I had to set up my computer and install all that crap, which, as I told you, took a while. Trouble was, I had to buy the software first, which meant I had to wait until I had the money.
So, life was hell lately.
But things have calmed down now (I think).
Come on now. Do you really believe I'm the sort of guy who'd leave a girl all alone (well you still had your cat)unless he'd be forced to by, well, acts of God?
Really.
I've got to work even today, and tomorrow (on Sunday, for Christ's sake), and Monday, too.
But, if you have the time, and good-will, I'll try and make things up tonight - how about around eight or nine?
You still have to tell me about your vacation. This way, at least I can dream of one instead of actually having one myself....
And, since you were so desparate you actually drank all the cognac by yourself (interesting...), I'll bring the booze...

Hmmmm...
.................................
................................
Still not convinced...do you know how wet and cold it's been waiting for you for the last 3 weeks??
And not to mention the humiliation!!
Yes, the cognac's gone...had to do something to keep warm...
Holiday was great...but seems like ages ago..Italy next...skiing in February...
..............................
..............................
still not convinced!!

Wait a minute... I get it. It's this female thing of making men feel miserable. Well, no need for that.
I just ate a shrimp salad which I feel wasn't too good.
In fact, I feel like I'm GONNA DIE!!!
I'm really pale. I have a feeling I might spend the night hugging the toilet.
SO INSTEAD OF GIVING ME A BAD CONSCIENCE, GIVE ME A LITTLE SYMPATHY HERE!!!!

Well, now it happened. I finally got round to making that rare experience which only few people are entitled to: I examined the bowels (sorry, know this is disgusting, but that's the way I feel) of my toilet. Wasn't worth it, really.
But I really need to go to bed now. Hope I'll never wake up again.
Hope you'll understand... But then, you aren't exactly of the patient sort, are you...
Tomorrow I should feel better. How about it? Tomorrow night (have to work during the day, poor sod)?

Not the patient sort??
NOT THE PATIENT SORT??
I waited for over 3 weeks...and I'm still here replying!
I'm poorly too at the moment...coughing like there's no tomorrow......people keep telling me to give up the cigarettes..I don't smoke (unless someone sets light to my hair..which has happened in the past...another story...but then that was more of a smoulder...but you get the picture!)...so don't pull the sympathy deal with me pal!!
I'm sure this current bout of TB I have is due to being left in the cold for so long!
So a shrimp salad was it that made you ill....
....that's what happens if you eat shell fish that's past its sell-by date.....or if someone swaps those good fresh prawns for bad ones...he he he....

Sorry to hear you're not doing too well, either! Instead of sympathizing with you too much, I'll just tell you how I am doing. Sure you'll feel much, much more comfortable after this... I find it's always fun to cheer people up by telling them about your own, miserable state of health!
Ill... That's a good euphemism...
The whole thing turned into a nasty poisoning, actually. Saturday night was hell. My body tried to turn around its anatomy five times. Didn't know a single stomach could hold that much. Almost collapsed at work, so they sent me home, where things started to look strange. At this point, I called a friend who's a doctor. Told me to stop complaining, to be a man, and stick it out. Which I did. Fell asleep then, and didn't wake up until eleven this morning.
So, please don't kill me for leaving you alone once more!!
Am feeling much better now, so how about, finally, meeting, er, I mean, virtualling (hehehe) up tonight, if your damaged health permits?

Hmmm..synchronised illness...think it'll catch on??
Hope you're feeling better now..I'm still poorly...coughing...sickness...zombified (yeah I know...what's the difference!)...so have been ordered by a deputation to my office this afternoon to stay off work tomorrow...we shall see!
Am just so tired and achy.....
This has been over a week now...just hope I wake up and feel better tomorrow!
So...ok you're forgiven..just make sure you never do it again! We'll arrange another date soon....any ideas??
You owe me!

Oh boy. This seems the time of general happiness and well-being.

Hope you'll be better soon!!

Don't know about myself, though. Thought I was better, but then I woke up last night, and realized I better call the ambulance quick or God knew what would happen. Good thing, too, as it turned out: they didn't think it necessary to take me to hospital (thank God), but I've developed a heavy case of gastroenteritis, and they gave me some heavy medication. Which helped.

Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Now, isn't this sad? Isn't this dramatic??
Don't you wish this would happen to you, too??

Well, 'bout our date: since you're usually such a night creature, and we both don't feel too good, I suggest we postpone the whole thing until staying up a little won't kill us (well, me, really).
Unless, of course, you'd be willing to shove your work aside for once and hook up with me a little earlier than usual? Lemme know if you are.
Get better soon!
Greetings to your cat (still there?)!