h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(awww.... just got back home - and it's freezing...)

Sure you can land it - as a matter of fact, I'm glad you're asking...
I wouldn't know how to bring this thing down....

Very funny Phil..go on which bit do I mess with first?

Why aren't any of these dials working?

What?

Yes, I suppose you're right, they would just put me off anyway...I mean they'd be far too many things to watch all at the same time.

What happens if I press this then?

OH MY GOD, DON'T!!!!

Jesus.... That was close....

No, you'll have to try harder...

But please - no more plane crashes! Far too many of those lately....

Ok..best if you do it then...

I fed up with travelling anyway...thought this was supposed to be a date!

Let's go and do something interesting....

*glances at zuzu*

Now you're talking....

*goes and does something interesting; consequently holds his nose and trys to keep the blood inside*

Now you're just trying to show off...and it's not working is it?

You've got blood down your shirt and I'm sure that last feat is illegal in several countries.

Come on Phil....why have you brought me here?

Look around you... One empty place, isn't it...

Not a single soul for miles - now isn't that romantic?

*under his breath*

And convenient...

Yup..piles of sand and sand and....yet more sand ...very romantic.

Thought we were hunting for artefacts?

Should have brought my bucket and spade...and some water....you did bring water didn't you?

err... water?
You mean you didn't bring any water?
*starts running in circles*
ohmegoshohmegoshohmegosh...she didn't bring any water...ohmegoshohmegoshohmegosh...

How many times did I tell you: before we leave, go the well and fill up those bottles!!?

Great. I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere with this date from hell and she's too... am... put that down please... no really... you could hurt someone with that...

I fully intend to hurt someone.....and even your pathetic intellect should be able to work out who it is.

You were the one who knew where we were going and who was taking me on a "date I'd never forget"...well for once you were right!

Go on then Phil...why am I the date from hell....and what was the end of that sentence you didn't finish?

By the way Phil...which well were you talking about? I can onyl see sand?

I'm sure that black eye will calm down soon.

Well, you wouldn't forget it if you just let me try....

*holds on to nose with left hand, to eye with right*

See what I mean??

*starts to feel sorry for himself, sits down and starts to cry*

No, really... What's that? Stop being so pathetic? Oh, good, add insult to injury!

*feels even sorrier for himself*

Just what my mother used to say...marry a nice plain girl, a beautiful one will only break your heart....

Oh for God's sake man!
Are you a man or a mouse?
No, don't answer that!

*Suddenly stops and back tracks*

Did you mean I'm breaking your heart? (It's usually just your nose)
That I'm beautiful?
Why that's so sweet...why thank you...let me look at that eye for you.
....Hold on whaddaya mean marry?

Errmm, never mind, just a slip of the tongue.....
Ouch, watch it! That eye really hurts, you know...
*sigh*
As does my heart.

uhm... zuzu... what's that thing crawling up your shirt?

It's your hand Phil.

Look you tried this once before and again it ended, as do so many of our adventures, in pain...yours.

So take my advice and remove your hand now before I break that too.

Pity, I was growing quite fond of you.

Whoops, sorry about that....you see, certain parts of my body seem to have a life of their own - really, some just keep refusing to do what my brain tells them...sometimes I think it's the other way around...

err, kindly take that knife out of my chest.. thank you

Really. You aren't making it easy for a guy...

Now come on Phil...if I made it easy you'd be bored!

Right..so we're here. Wherever he is. All I can see is sand and your black eye and we have no water.

Is there anything else you want to tell me before I use this knife?

This is idiotic. I mean here we are, right in the middle of nowhere, just the desert....and the two of us...
Catch my drift? Huh?
*starts blinking with his eye in a suggestive way, looking silly*
huh? HUH?

Is there something in your eye Phil...no, my fist was there earlier this must be something else?
Hold on...are you suggesting what I think you are?
Well..I suppose we have been going out for quite some time now...a girl does get lonely...
Why not?

*gasps*

(Sorry been in Cuba, narrowly missing hurricanes!)
What is it Philly baby?
Not chickening out on me now are you?
There's nobody around.......

Come on...