h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

recently i have had a string of calls from companys trying to give me a loan

i get rid of them easily

i say that i have just won the lottery and am now a millionaire

they say congratulations and then hang up

job done


the other way of dealing with call centres is to say

"yes i will gladly listen to what you want to say but i must tell you that i an naked...."

they then hang up

Do you call them weak Slaneshi scumm and tell them you'll sacrifice them to your god in order to call forth a Bloodthirster?

No

just that either I'm naked or a millionaire

maybe i should try both

Hi! I'm a naked millionaire

You can get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses if you start going on about Khorne, the other Chaos powers and "The War in Heaven", where the gods of the Eldar were all but wiped out.

Perhaps a little Eldar theology on the point that both affirmations and denials of divinity are indications of souls in distress?

Or perhaps a comparison and contrast of their reproductive biology with that human beings, whom they superficially resemble?

More seriously, it is very difficult to write science fiction which cannot be analysed in terms of the War Hammer 40,000 archetypology. It is extremely comprehensive. Even Steven King's "Langoliers" and Robin Cook's "n - Ds" can be categorized as hyperspace monsters.

maybe because the 40k universe has plundered all other sci-fi for its content yet GW uses its might as a large corporation to bully other manufactures and maintain its monopoly

GW?

Games Workshop

nemesis of gamers everywhere

"profits are dropping, quick change the rules for the sake of changing them and publish a new book, while we are at it lets change all the models as well, i know we'll make them bigger so you can't use the old ones with the new army lists" etc. etc.

I don't bother answering the door to God Botherers, they're easy to spot

They are usually in pairs
The JW's always have a copy of the Watchtower
The Mormon's are clean cut, in suits and have a large black copy of The Book of Mormon in their hands. easy to avoid

Invite them in for a really good argument - they will want to leave, but feel duty bound to continue their pitch - eventually let them go and get on their black list.

I'll invite them in to speak to mother, she's Catholic and if she hasn't converted them by the time they leave I will have failed in my mission to cause havoc in the Mormon and JW world

There's nothing wrong with telling people simply that you're not interested and closing the door or hanging up.

With these sick fantasies you're just showing yourselves up for what you are.

Yeah Reef, trying to convert people to Catholicism *tuts* that's just sick

I don't do it

Which takes me back to the proposition of expounding on Eldar theology for them, taking it from the proposition that both affirmations and denials of Divinity are indications of souls in distress. Constantly changing directions that way helps to keep them confused and off balance, since most people will expect you take one side or the other of a question, rather than pursuing an absolute value approach.

I used to get my friend to answer the phone and go on to them in fluent spanish, we used to get loads so every day he was over he would get to confuse 10+ in the most polite spanish you ever did hear. Never seemed to come across one that could speak spanish, it also used to work on those annoying relative that noone ever wants to speak to

Don't you realize Reef that Mormon Missionaries like to have those arguments they walk around all day knocking on doors only to have them slammed in their face, they put your name down on a list as someone to go see again trust me I have enough friends that have been Mormon Missionaries

Bring 'em on Khamsin, I'll be waiting

Oh and the last missonary that wouldn't take no for an answer got dangled over our balconey by a very disgruntled fireman

I'm only a missionary when I leave Yorkshire - to teach the true faith

I just say I'm an atheist do you want to covert to mine

I'd never get a disgruntled fireman to throw you off my balconey Prof.

Do you preach in pairs with Geoff Boycott?