h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When asked what it takes to be a great cook the chef said that it boils down to beating the other chefs to the cutting edge recipes.

Creative weather forecasters do a lot of brain storming.

"Dad, I'd like you to send me abroad," he said.

A week later, a mail-order bride arrived.

An ambassador is the one who lies abroad for the good of the country.

I ordered whole wheat toast but it tasted funny. I think something was awry.

I wanted cottage cheese with my meal so I ordered from the a la curd menu.

The waiter was six foot eight, and handled many a tall order.

I've a foot, but I don't use it as a rule

How do eskimos fasten the different parts of their houses to each other?

With iglue.

lots of trucks round the north pole - artics

As the shoe said to the hat, 'You go on ahead, and I'll follow on foot'.

As long as the imperial system is in place a ruler will be afoot.

An inventor had his nose to the grindstone until he invented a good axe sharpener. Another stuck to it until he had a good glue.

To make sure cargo trucks aren't too heavy, police operate on the principle that where there's a wheel there's a weigh.

I had an account with a bank in the North Pole, but they froze all my assets.

Realtors guilty of steering deserve the rack, but that's just my pinion.

In Egypt archaeologists pyramid the ruins for mummies and those places where ancient wrappers performed.

The study of ancient symbols will lead you to rune.

Who's the most patriotic vegetable in America?

E Pluribus Onion.

Who's the most negative critic in America?

De Ploribus Unum